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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Wrestler.

Some times there is no obvious reason for why we feel the way we do, some times it's just fatigue. I agree with you about staying positive, but some times it's hard. Some times I can go from up to down in seconds for no reason. And some times I just resort to valium when staying positive just doesn't want to work. Sounds like you have a plan that works. Sounds like you just need to talk. I always feel better if I can talk it out. That is what we do best, we talk and we listen. I always have the time to listen.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

With the economy the way it is and the good pay I am getting, I feel blessed just to have a job. Had a falling out with the power trip owner of the health food store I was working for last year and this new job came about last August when the chips were down. I made several posts on the subject last year.

My wife happened to know a friend from her high school days who's husband worked for this company and he got me an interview, and since I had a solid record of employment and had good references, I got the job. Been there nearly a year now. The hours are good and I rarely work weekends. That was not the case with the health food store. She changed the schedule whenever she felt like it even though I was promised every other weekend off. When the lies started to grow, I stood up for myself and she took offense to it and started cutting my hours.

The pressure to sell is not the main thing at my current job. My job is to make the customers who house I am inspected feel good. The sales are second nature. It's really all luck. We have salemen at our company who do nothing else. I am a re-inspector. I inspect homes of existing customers and if I find anything wrong with their houses, then I set up an appointment for one of our chemical guys to come and kill the termites.

Anyway, I just need to stay positive and not let my anxiety get the better of me while I am working.

David

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Wrestler.

I too had to have my mother stay with me in school for the first while. I failed grade four and grade nine because I could not fit in a new school and new situation. I bet we are not alone.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Wrestler, Sweatbee.

Sweatbee has made an interesting point. I have had many part time high paying but dangerous jobs, most which I liked.

But the point is that I took them because I could work for the most part on my own. I also had my own business for a while but found I preferred to work for someone else and just collect my pay on pay-day. I was a feller for fourteen years because there was nothing but me a tree and the wonderful scenery, but it was not an easy job and now I'm paying for it.

I wonder if I had not had anxiety so bad if I would have done them or something else.

I wonder too if the reason you do the job you do is because it gives you a certain amount of freedom. It sounds like it would be good except for the pressure to make sales. I had one job just before my pension came through that I never realized how much I didn't like it till I no longer had to do it. Of course we could be wrong here and the trigger could be something else in your life. I would say if you don't like the job, change it but we don't know your situation. Age, debt load, skills etc. Maybe you can't. I do know that if I had of known about coping relaxation and exposure when I was working, life would have been easier. Life with anxiety really is all about coping and you seem to have found your way of doing it. I wish you could be as anxiety free as I am, but maybe it just takes time.

Keep posting, I like hearing from you.

Here for you.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Sweatbee,

Thanks for the advice about my job. I will do some research on that. I do not like using pesticide, but the great thing about my job is that I don't work with any. I do inspect houses for termite activity, but I never do any chemical treatments. It's really the same as being in my own house -just about every house is treated for termites or insects in some manner. I do have to go under houses sometimes where chemicals have been sprayed usually years earlier.

Outside of the association my job has with chemicals, I live a very healthy life and take supplements and eat all kinds of good food, including only organic vegetables, that help rid my body of any harmful toxic substances. Taking probiotics, apple cider vinegar and Vitamin C help the body defend against any free radicals.

On the subject of happiness with my job: I like the job but I have a long history of hating working or going to school and being away from home where I feel the most safe. Some of the fear revolves around having anxiety/panic away from home. When I was a little boy, my mother had to come to school with me for a period of time and help me settle down before she would leave (it was probably about 10-15 minutes or longer). I had a severe anxiety even then about leaving home. I know this ties in somehow in the present day with my anxieties.

Thanks,

David

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 122

Hi Wrestler,

I'm sorry you have been having a bad week. I'm going to throw something

out here, I don't think that you are Happy with your job, it can make you

dread starting a new week, and make you anxious the day before, I know

I have had a few of thoughs over the years. And if you work with pesticides

they can affect the nervous system. Is their something that you are passionate

about that you could turn into partime income? Maybe even include your

wife in starting it? I know that in this economy things are tuff but your health

is important also. Just something to think about. I the subject of dyeing I

too use to worry about dyeing until I changed the way I looked at it, now

I try to see it as another phase that one goes through, before we see our

loved ones again, I also did some reading on the subject and it helped me,

I think we all go through it at one time or other in our lives maybe its the

push we need to do the things we want and need to do in this life and to

enjoy the things we have ( nature, love, family). I hope this helps.

my best to you.

sweatbee

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

As happens many times after I post my troubles here I started feeling a bit better yesterday. It is so great to have a forum like this, which is why I have come here for several years.

I think it being Friday (yesterday) and that I actually took 1 1/2 valium 1 in the am and a 1/2 later in the day and the fact that I made a sale Friday. They expect 2 sales a month from termite inspectors, entirely a weird story, but it really gave me a boost. I had been in a sales slump since the end of May. I also have a possible sale that might be signed Monday from the same person and it would be my largest sale ever. That means more commision.

Getting back to the valium/diazepam, this med really helps put a stop sign to the depression/anxiety. I know it does not fix everything, but it does help you take a step back and clear your head. I normally take mostly natural things like 5-HTP, chamomile tea, Gaba, valerian, magnesium and Bach Rescue Remedy, but every so often the valium really helps.

The dying thing has been with me since childhood and I have talked about it with my therapist. I used to be a fraid to go to sleep when I was little because I thought I was not going to wake up. My parents (who are both deceased) probably should have taken me to a therapist when I was that young. I remember my Father telling me this some time ago.

But right now I am doing pretty good. Just finished my second workout of the day. My wife and I went food shopping at Whole Foods today.

I know Monday starts another work week and with it may come some feelings of dissociation, but I will not let it beat me.

David

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi Wrestler,

I am sorry you have been feeling down these past few days. It sounds like you have though a lot about what has triggered this and that is great! There are a few places I would like to direct you to in order to get some more understanding around what you are going through and even teach you some strategies on how to address it. First of all, I encourage you to take a look at the Depression Center. There is amazing information there that can help you address some of your thoughts and feelings. In this program I think the Session on Worry and the Session on Grief and Loss will be helpful to you. The session on Worry can really address some of the thoughts you have on death and dying which you say may have triggered this depression. Also, the section on Grief and Loss, specifically the page on understanding grief explains "giving up mode". I am sort of pulling up this session for you intuitively. Although I don't think you are giving up, I do think there seems to be a little less motivation and drive in your words as I have heard in past posts. I can certainly tell that these few days have had a toll on you. Let us know what you find helpful from these situations.

Also, what do you want to gain from going through this experience? What do you want to learn?

Take care and stay strong!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Wrestler.

I have trouble with dying. I don't know why. I think it may be that we only get one go round and I want it all. But in the end when you are dead you won't remember what you did or didn't do so it really isn't that important. The important thing I think is to find as much time for your loved ones as you can possibly find and look forward to what ever good you can find in every day. I remember Sunday blues, even though I no longer work. I uses to work five and a half days, and I enjoyed my work but still it was work and time I had no say over. Being retired doesn't give you freedom, you just have a different set of rules to follow. But being happy is still my choice. Though some days it is hard.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Been dealing with a wave of depression this week that makes me feel closed in. It revolves around anxiety. I had a nice 3-day weekend last weekend. Did some nice things with my wife. It was really my only extended break this summer as my vacation days do not come until August 28. Then the reality set in that work was not far off (This past monday). I hate sunday night depressions. They really start sunday afternoon

The depression I have felt this week is sort of like what I used to get in the 1980's following a panic attack. But I have not had any recent really bad panic attacks. Recent meaning a few weeks. My past real panic attack was when I could not remember something and got confused during a thunderstorm while driving my truck at work.

This depression also includes OCD and what may have set it off was that I felt rather good about 2 days ago and then suddently I had a flashback moment in my truck to my fear of dying. Not dying that second, but the fact that we're mortals and it will happen. That thought has followed me around a lot. I know it follows everyone in some way.

I also know that I work outside and the heat has been in the mid-'90's all week and pretty much for the last 6 weeks. I know that can all drag one down.

What I laid out here is my classic symptoms, but the closed in feeling is what is bothering me. I do know that it can work as a protection against anxiety, it just really stinks that a protection can make you depressed.

Anyway, just had a great arm workout for the last hour and a half.

Thanks to all who view, read and/or post :-)

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