If you go through old posts you will see I talk about the difference between have to and want to. They seem like the same thing and in principle sort of are but how they affect personality and anxiety are polar opposites.
You have a job that has a lot more "have to" than "want to". In fact the only want to's may be coffee breaks and going home. You may start off each day wanting to but the minute you go through the door it becomes have to. Any control you had is now in the hands of the situation, not you. This is the modern definition of Agoraphobia. A fear of not having control of the situation. A fear of driving is agoraphobia and often has nothing to do with the act of driving but some related thing. In this case probably " have to".
I couldn't drive to the store if I had to and when I could I still couldn't go in till I changed that to "want to".
Even if you "want to" go to work so you can see Mrs so and so who is so cheerful, the lead up to it and surrounding situation is full of "have to's".
It is snowing here. Do I want to get on a tractor and move it. No. But to do it with ease and to wash the floor after I need to "want to" because if "I have to" I either won't or it will be very hard to do. I will most likely find a way to not because I can.
Don't feel guilty about using your husband or this site or me even. It is temporary. It will change. I'm not supposed to say that even though in this case I believe it to be true.
I know people. I think of another friend from here who now can drive anywhere and does with pleasure. And there is me too. I love to drive.
But I won't lie, it takes work. Minimum of six weeks in most cases. Longer if you only have weekends.
Davit
