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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hiya Stressedgirl!

Welcome to the forums!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Hey Stressedgirl, just stopping by to see how you're doing.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Hi Stressedgirl,

Ever heard of the conscious competence matrix? I'll post it in the "panic cycle" section, but I think it might help bring a bit of light on the situation. Have you tried the sessions offered here yet? Keep going, your at an early stage in getting better, but know it is part of the process and your doing the good!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Hi jhori82. Thanks so much for writing. I agree the best is to face my fear, which is losing, but why does it cause fear I am not really sure. I tell myself to be reasonable and realize that even if lose in some things, it´s not the end of the world, but my heart pounds all the same, like it´s already programmed like that and I don´t know how to undo that now. Plus I don´t want to because it´d be like embracing losing which is not attractive at all...But I guess, like you did, I have to start facing the whole thing again. Thanks for your words!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Hi Miki! I really understand what you are saying about learning from your mistakes, at least rationally, but when it comes to how not winning makes me feel...that´s something else. The simple possibility of not winning makes me very anxious. Sometimes I think that´s very inmature, but I just think it´s a matter of balancing anxiety. I think the pressure came from when I was growing up, it was a very difficult environment and I grew up with the certainty that I was on my own to survive so I had to do things right and be effective. But because I was on survival mode for many years, I was actually extremely effective. Now that my situation is way better and after the anxiety crisis happened, I am not so effective and that´s awful....Thanks for the welcome message.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Hi Faryal and thanks for taking the time.

I had to think for a bit before answering your question and I have to say I do not find satisfaction when I don´t "win" and that's what I fear. I guess in my head it means that I am not able and my life won´t be good and so on...

I understand nobody can win everything all the time. Before my crisis, I normally did very well in my things and when I didn't my attitude was 'it didn't happen now, but I was close and that's progress'. My crisis was caused by a bunch of really good things that came all at the same time and I realized that I could not do them all, I don't think anybody could. I had to let some go, not by choice but forced by anxiety because I'd try to do the simplest thing and have a panic attack.

One of the things I chose to do was a second Master´s degree, the difference being that I did not force myself to get straight As and even dedicated time to look for things that relaxed me. However, when I came back to work I had trouble concentrating and this fear of not being able to do things. Also, situations of direct competition cause me lots of anxiety, to the point that I can no longer for instance play chess. It´s emotionally draining and I can´t enjoy it, plus I get so much anxiety that I feel my heart pounding the entire time.

My utmost objective is to be one of the best at whatever I do and now I work doing investigations, so I´ve been thinking maybe it´d be better for me to try to move to a side of investigation that doesn´t require me to have so many confrontations. About why I demand myself too much, in the therapy I had to control panic attacks the conclusion was that because I grew up in a difficult environment I developed a feeling that 'I am on my own to survive and that, if I fail in one thing, my life could collapse'. It´s no longer like that now, I am not a kid anymore and I have a pretty stable life, but apparently my sense of worth and security is directly linked to being able to get things done.

I agree avoiding situations is not good, I just don´t want to have another crisis that forces me to stop everything again.

Thanks!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Hey stressedgirl,

I was a big competitor as well. Always striving to do my best in the sports I played with friends, how much fun we had, the way I could flip a situation that was nothing into something. When anxiety hit, I think the biggest thing I had to overcome, was that I couldn't do this every time. I couldn't make every situation great for everyone.

So recently I began facing my fear, and this made me realize the reality of the situation....I came to understand I never could make every situation great. What I did do, was make the best out of every situation for myself, then share that feeling with whoever was around. You can't make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy....hard thing to do, it feels so selfish, right? So when another person decides to take this chance and be happy, support them. But don't expect everyone to feel the same way. That's the only time when it really is being selfish. Do what you can, then let them decide how to interpret it.

In the end though, the only way to truly know is to face your fear. From this comes the greatest freedom.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Hello Stressed Girl!

Welcome to the forum.

It does seem like you are avoiding the "not winning" part of the competitions. I wonder what caused all the pressure for you, like to think that not getting an A is bad and etc. I think I was like this for most of my life too, until I made the biggest "mistake" of my life... and learned so much from it. I now feel like these "mistakes" are gifts because you get so much lesson from it after, even though making them are the worst feeling in the world!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Stressedgirl, Avoidance may not be the best strategy in your situation although initially it may have been the easiest way to deal with the anxiety and panic attacks. Anxiety is brought on by our perception of a stressful event or situation. The key word here is "perception". You perceive yourself to be very competitive............that is ok. Does that also mean you must win every time? Or can you still approach a task with a competitive spirit and find satisfaction and contentment in any outcome.........as long as you did your best? Stress and anxiety to a small degree before an event or while trying to accomplish a task can be a healthy thing. It allows you to stay mentally alert and focused. I am curious why you are so demanding of yourself? You say you want to achieve your goals.........can you tell us what some of these goals may be? Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4

Hi! I was wondering if everybody has any advice for me.

About six years ago, when I was 26, I started to have panic attacks and it took me a few months of therapy to learn how to control them. I haven´t had more but there is something that I haven´t been able to really handle.

Probably the biggest cause of my anxiety crisis was that I always took school and work way too seriously. If I didn´t get an A in an exam I´d be very disappointed at myself, and if somebody at work did something better than me I´d be crushed. I was very competitive and demanded myself a lot. I think the anxiety crisis was the way my mind-body told me 'take it easy, we can´t go on like this', so I did. I controlled my panic attacks, in part, by avoiding competitive situations. And that´s the problem now.

When I work on cases that require confrontation or intense competition, it´s very difficult for me to concentrate and focus on it. It feels as if my mind tells me 'Yes, I know how to do a, b and c to win this, but I don´t want to do it now, maybe later'. Initially, I thought I was burned out and just needed some time off, which in practice meant not demanding myself as much as before. I also have a much more balanced life, I now know what personal life means. But it´s been a few years and the difficulty to concentrate is still there. I do force myself to do the work in many cases but it´s extenuating, and the result is that I am not as efficient as before and I have gone from overachieving to underachieving, which is depressing.

Since I am assuming the anxiety crisis didn´t kill the part of my brain that deals with concentration -joke, but I´ve thought about it, though- I´m guessing the problem is that my subconcious is warning me: if I start to really be competitive again and demand myself more I could cause new anxiety episodes. I don´t want the anxiety, but I do want to achieve my goals. I hate not doing all the things I know I can do.

I used to enjoy competition so much...and now that rush is become fear. Any thoughts or experiences on this??

Thanks for reading.

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