Hello everyone, I've been dealing with anxiety/panic for 19 years now. I had by first panic attack in 1998 on the way to pick my wife, then fiance up from work, I was about a mile from her office when suddenly my heart felt like it skipped a beat and I temporarily lost my breath. This lasted just a few seconds but to someone who had never been sick or injured it scared me. I couldn't get over the thought that something was wrong with me. The next attack was about a week later when I was riding home on my motorcycle, I was almost home when my heart started racing I felt like I couldn't breathe, I pulled over to the side of the road, called my wife and laid on the sidewalk until she got there. I couldn't explain what happened all I knew is that I was dying. I ended up having to call a friend to drive my motorcycle home for me because I'd get on it and make it about a hundred yards and have to pull over. The last and I feel was the one that solidified my life of anxiety came a couple of days after the motorcycle when I was sitting at home on the couch with my wife. I suddenly couldn't breathe and if felt like my throat was closing. She tried to drive me to the ER but I couldn't sit in the car, I got out of the car a made it back to house and we called 911. By the time the paramedics arrived my symptoms were gone. I was hooked up to hear monitors, they were taking my blood pressure and giving me oxygen and everything was 100% normal. The couldn't find anything wrong with me! They told me to see my doctor the next day and get a full checkup. Of course the doctor didn't find anything and I spent the next year barely leaving the house in fear dying or worst embarrassing myself in public. I went to numerous doctors to get tested and no one found anything until I ended up in urgent care due to dizziness. The doctor came back with pamphlets about anxiety. This was after over a year of living in constant fear to the point that I was not leaving the house and if I did I had to be driven there and picked. Looking back now I've made leaps and bounds in getting better but I still deal with the daily negative and catastrophic thoughts. I live a fairly normal life outwardly, I have a family, run a business etc. but I cannot drive on the freeway alone and I still live in fear of having a panic attack. I only have panic attacks if I'm on the freeway alone or in a very uncomfortable situation like being on the Link in Las Vegas or if someone really upsets me I hold it in fester about it. I'd say I only have a full blown panic attacks a few times a year but each attack sets me way back and re-validates my negative and fearful thoughts. I am tired of the constant worry and always having a contingency plan in the back of my mind. I want to enjoy the minute for the minute and not be worried about the next or comparing it to the previous. I have decided to face my fears head on until I overcome them. I need to reprogram my mind. I know it can be done, the Marine Corps took a young kid and turned me into a man in just a few months with a mentality that's still fresh in my mind almost 24 years later. I've tried medication, religion, meditation and group therapy and each has helped in their own way but I never felt that anyone really understood until I found this forum. Thank you for letting me share, I don't get to share with others who understand what I am going through.
