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Frustration with Exposure Success

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Shari - Thanks, I will keep challenging that negative voice as you suggested!

Davit - I guess it never really occurred to me to not carry the exposure through a full blown panic attack. I'm stubborn (both a curse and a blessing, like so many other traits), and once I set out to do the exposure I made myself get through it even though my body wanted me to get out of there. I had done the same thing so often for work earlier this summer that doing it in the name of exposure seemed natural, because I definitely want to get better and I don't want to reinforce my fears by leaving a situation.

I don't know where the intense self-criticism and strive for perfection came from....it is something I am working on trying to figure out. Patience....patience....that should be my mantra today.

Sunny - I think you were mostly responding to Pounce but it plays into what I said in my original post as well. I like the idea of checking off the list of things you want to do and have done as another way to visualize your progress.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Just a little add on to what Cleo said about emotions. They are tied to core beliefs, if they are there it is because there is a reason, it is just a matter of finding why or what is causing them.

And if it is negative change it, if positive reinforce it. Don't try to totally block negative emotions, you need them as a marker of what is happening around you, just look at them and discard them. Just say, Ok I was sad for a reason and the reason is over so back to happy. Some things like losing some one will take a lot of sad before you can let it go but if you don't feel the emotion and let it go it will run around in your head making you dizzy and soon you will start adding other negative emotions like mad for one. Getting long winded here, sorry.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

sunny123...this is great advice.

Pounce, in addition to writing down and recording the your success with accomplishing the things that you want to do, how about you share them with the Pledging tool we have on the website. Under "Goals" you can make public pledges about what you are working on.

What ever type of tool you use, you should know that you are doing great as many have said before. Keep sharing all your successes with us.

Jason, Bilingual Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Pounce: Write down two columns on a piece of paper. First column is for all the things you have done and want to do in the future. Such as go to the movies (which you have done now). O.k. next column, write down the things you did do so far, kind of a checking off list of the first column. Every time you want to do something, write it down in the first column. When you've done/experienced it, write it down in the second column. You will not be able to deny the progress you are making by looking at all you have been able to do so far and what you are working on. This will be concrete proof that "yes you can" do it. Have you rewarded yourself after each success? No step is too small. You can't walk until you learn to crawl, and you can't run until you learn to walk. Right now you are in training. Keep the faith.

No one knows what the future holds. All we can do is live one day at a time as best as we can. Enjoy the day, one day at a time because as they say, yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here yet.

Hope these ideas help you get more ideas.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Pounce,

I'm sorry to hear that you are so hard on yourself...but at least you are recognizing your feelings...thats the first step in learning how you can change your reaction to the negative thoughts, by replacing them with positive ones.

You can and will do this! Have you gone over in your mind about the 3 emotions you experience and try asking yourself the reasons why they are in your mind? Then you could use the Challenging questions to break them apart. For example: What type of doom are you fearing? The end of the world type?That's catistrophic thinking... so then ask yourself if its true..we know its not... the world isn't going to end if you have an Exposure success... and so on.Same with shame and guilt....question them, tear them apart...don't just accept them as fact...they are emotions/feelings. Chew em up and spit em out! Good luck! We are here for you.

Cleo

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 15

Everytime I succeed I get afraid there is going to be more expected of me, and I panic big time. It's not exactly conscious - just a looming feeling of doom, shame and guilt.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Teebs

Glad you posted this. All your answers are right there in your posts, but first let me say "wow" to your exposure. To be able to carry the exposure through a full blown panic attack is something.

Why do you feel frustrated? Because you know you can do this and shouldn't have to. Because you know in your mind you are going to get better so what's to praise. Self criticism is bad for you. Failures are only markers not really important and not to be counted. they will go and you know that. Be impressed with your successes, I am.

Why should you celebrate this minor victory? Because it is a major victory really. You said it.

If it is fun and you should be able to do it, it is not minor, it is major. Doing something you don,t want to do is actually a smaller victory, see because you are not supposed to be able to do it.

Does this make sense.

Now the last is harder. Try to do what Shari does, because it works. But add on "this is not the anxiety doing this, this is me." "I am the one making this hard". " My friend told me so" Do you have any idea what in your background caused you to strive for perfection and become so critical. You may have to find this first and deal with I. ( I had to and it did wonders for me ) Being self critical comes from the unfounded belief that you are not good enough. Unfounded because you are good enough, more than good enough. You are intelligent and you are doing this at your pace which looks to me to be faster than I would have been able to. And you are winning. Patience, (please) hang in there it will get better.

Here for you,

Your friend

Davit.

Ps Good post, keep sending.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi Teebs,

I hear that you are having a hard time giving yourself credit for the exposure work that you have done to date. It is often said that we are our biggest critics and I think this often rings true. It is important for you to work on coming to terms with the fact that you are making strides and step by step you are overcoming fear and anxiety. Check out session 9 of the program "pulling it all together", it explains how to pull everything you learn together and it also touches on the importance of giving yourself credit for challenging fear and winning! Be very proud of your successes, I know we are!

Members, how has giving yourself credit helped you move forward with your exposure work?

Samantha, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

Teebs, I hear ya.

Your critical voice sounds a lot like my mocking voice. Literally, I tell it to stop and I counteract it with a positive statement and when it comes back, I keep going with positive statements, until I have the last word. Even if I have to think about something else to turn off the negative voice. I think it's just a matter of time and not giving up the positive talk fight. It is frustrating. I was a perfectionist and I am still working on the good self esteem part. I know it sounds like you should be doing something more, but I think it's that basic, just counter act repeatedly. It's like a bratty child that keeps pushing you until you give in. The only way to stop it is to not give in. I think you are coming to a turning point and are going to reach a new level of success. Because, that's when the critical voice is at its loudest, right before it gives up and you get promoted to a new level. Don't give up. I know you will win, not the negative voice. I had trouble with it too. I hung in there and kept fighting until I can now say to the mocking voice, "Shut up, I don't believe you and I don't want to hear it." And, it goes away. Your critical voice will get quiet. Sometimes it's a long drawn out battle, but I know you will win the war! Keep fighting, you're worth it!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Sounds weird, right? I should be frustrated with exposure failures, not successes, but it's true. I have been doing daily exposure as outlined in session four for about two weeks now. I have made it through all of the exposure sessions I have planned without having to leave them due to panic attacks, even when I had a full blown panic attack I stayed in the situation until the panic went down again. So, why am I frustrated?

I've always been amazingly self-critical and I hold myself to higher standards than anyone else expects of me. That's part of why it has been so hard for me to learn how to be kind to myself when it comes to working on my anxiety. I just have such a hard time congratulating or rewarding myself for these small victories when I want to be making so much more progress. I try to tell myself "You did really good. You went to the movie and sat through the whole thing without having to get up to leave, even at the beginning when you're anxiety was really bad. You should be proud of yourself." but then this more critical voice comes in and says "Yay, you got through something you wanted to do for fun, what's to celebrate about that? A month ago you were working full time. You were miserable, but you were doing it. Now you're not working at all and you're still having panic attacks, so why should you celebrate this minor victory?"

How do I help the encouraging voice become stronger? I want to work through the program at my own pace but I get so frustrated that I'm even in this situation and that my steps towards recovery have to be so small.

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Frustration with Exposure Success