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setback after a month of relief from panic

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setback after a month of relief from panic

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

moving my comments over to this thread.... which has been very helpful reading through again. A lot of similar feelings expressed and wonderful insight offered.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Davit,

I wanted to thank you for the posts again. I didn't reply until now and feel badly about coming and going on the site. I am realizing I have poor interpersonal skills in many ways. And I am having some other important (but painful) realizations about things I want to change about my life and how anxiety is affecting the ability to think about it and act on it. I think that these realizations, like all the other ones before them, are important but some are more painful to process than others. I am trying to use the toolbox tools to help me process these thoughts. Right now I am working hard to tell myself "X might be true today, but it doesn't always have to be this way".

This is an improvement over my previous approach where I would say "this part of my life sorta sucks and i want to change it" and then my partner would try to convince me i was wrong in my assessment. I know all about making negative statements that are not true but this one is true and I have to accept it and say to myself "it won't always be like this".

Every day is a little step forward. This week I am struggling to accept that my relationships are not going to change over night as soon as my anxiety becomes better and better managed. One of at least 2 things can happen when you start to get your anxiety under control.

Even though I understand intellectually that managing previously unmanaged anxiety doesn't change other circumstances in one's life, I had an unchecked belief (hope) that it really was my anxiety that was causing all the pain in my life and that once i got it under control , the next day (or month) other aspects of my life would be improved. That is not the case. In fact, being able to think with more clarity and less anxiety can bring some issues into focus so again, back to the drawing board to attempt to work on those issues without being sucked back into being anxious and afraid. I rambled here and I don't quite know why altough sometimes the posts of others help things click for me so I always hope that maybe mine can do that for someone else.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees

Right and you could in theory grieve over the loss of the familiarity of anxiety. A loss is a loss still.

A possibility worth considering about the asking and anger if they only happen during anxiety is that they are being used as distractions to draw your attention from the anxiety.

I mention this because I have caught myself doing just that. Expecting people to be there for me and angry when they're not.

Here for you.

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Davit and Jaunita,

I talked to a psychologist yesterday who confirmed also that a doctor will have no issue putting me on meds without doing any assessment or anything. I understand that is their approach. She also said that going on meds doesn't necessarily mean I'd improve my ability to work on the program. She probably said that based on the fact that I said I have 6 good days and 1 bad day over the last 3 weeks. The thing is, thanks to the program, breathing work, relaxation, taking time for myself the 6 days I am not having an attack have been good quality days. As you have seen from my posts on good days I am watering and fertilizing my positive beliefs and making headway. I can feel it. The quality of the days without panic attacks has improved a lot thanks to this program. I am reluctant to go on meds at this stage. I do get my perspective back each time and I think I am getting stronger which may explain some of the anger I am encountering from my partner because I am believing I deserve care and concern but the other part of that belief is that as adults, we cannot force anyone to care for us if they don't want to. that is the difference between being a child and an adult.

I have reflected a lot. Unlike 5 months ago, I now believe I can do this on my own, with counseling support as needed. Not necessarily with meds. But I will need to stop asking people for things they don't want to give me. It adds to my anguish during my attacks. I probably had this realization before but like many changes it is taking time to seep into my core beliefs. This one is tough to accept because of course it means dealing with the disappointment which is a form of grieving. I am going to have to grieve the loss of the support I thought I'd have with him. Now that I am not in panic mode, I know I can do it, its just time and work to process grief. Everyone faces grief in their life and there doesn't have to be a death in order for you to have to process grief over a loss. Right?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees

You know how I feel about Ativan, but for short term use it is still the drug of choice. Its only problem is a tendency to become dependent on it and use it for every little crisis. I would think if you had it just in case that you might be good enough with knowing it is there and not using it.

Do you realize that 6 days in a row is very well for some one at your stage with all that is going against you. Every second day would be good. A small warning, any one who can only see you once or twice a month will probably want you on meds. Therapists can not prescribe so are more open to CBT. They will refer you to some one who can if they think you really need it.

You have read enough to know that if you decide on a SSRI that you can have two bad weeks and up to six weeks before full effect and then you need an adjustment to fit you. And there is no guaranty. During that period you may need a benzo to handle the transition anxiety. Myself I would be more inclined to use a benzo only when absolutely needed and see what the next six weeks brings after all you are coming along quite fast. Yes it is only 12 weeks to read and learn the program, but it can take a lot longer to absorb and put it into practice. Especially exposure. Too fast and you get set back, too little and it doesn't work. And you are a bit shy on patience. We all want this over as fast as possible, but fast is no guaranty it will stay away.

Look at me and sunny, it took us a long time to get here, but we are here and it was worth it.

I wish all therapists were as good as mine. (my teacher now) She would have the answers you want so much better than me. All I can really do is be support for you, and I do support you. let me know what you decide.

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Loves Trees,

thats a great idea...see a doctor who you trust, and talk with her/him ...see how it goes from there.

There are lots of meds out there for anxiety/panic..lots! You and your doctor can figure out which is the best for your own personal situation.

I too was very reluctant to try any medications at all... I didnt want to be "drugged" or become dependant on a mind altering substance....but I escalated from having the odd panic attack to being extremely anxious on a daily basis.. I developed so many debilitaing phobias....this was a long slow process..over 20 years...

9 months ago I started with the program and a SSRI..celexa, 20 mg daily.

I was at the worst state...I couldnt function anymore, I couldnt barely leave my house...I was depressed by having suffered with anxciety/panic for so long. So I decided to try anything....Thats what led me here, and to a doctor.

And man oh man I am so thankful! the only lasting sideeffect from the med is hunger...but for the continued calmness I feel I can live with that. And for those few times that a "What if" thought comes in my mind I use the challenging questions...poof! gone!

I'm not ashamed that I need a med ..not that I run around advertising it....but the changes in myself are so wonderful ....so this is just to let you know thats its not all that bad taking something if you need to.

Here for all of us,

Juanita

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

hi everyone,

I cannot adequately express the gratitude I have for all of you taking the time to post replies to me. Today I am feeling good and have a good perspective. I have to say that in the past I hesitated to divulge that my partner was getting angry with me during attacks but I got to the point after this last attack that i have to start being really open and honest with people who might be able to help. I refuse to wait until he figures out whatever it is he has to figure out. I do't say that out of anger, although I am disapointed with him, but I am just feeling firm in my desire to really heal for me. I am a caregiver and always have been - I easily get pulled into taking care of others needs even if it means setting mine aside. Up until this program, I wasn't able to always distinguish when I was even doing it because I have learned to do it automatically - to set myself aside for others especially emotionally. My emotions never were important to anyone so now that they are important to me, I am learning to live a pretty different type of life and not everyone around me is thrilled that I take care of my emotions before theirs.

The day after the attack I was somewhat convinced I would need medication because clearly not being on medication was causing bad attacks to keep happening. Today I am thinking even more clearly and realizing that what I need is to be under the care of someone who can accurately assess whether I need meds or not. I refuse to let a GP (family doctor) write me a prescription for Zoloft or whatever as soon as I say I have anxiety. I have heard that is what happens here where I live unless you advocate and push for a specialist referral. I am going to push for the referral. I want someone to talk with me for at least one session, likely more, before they prescribe me anything. How could anyone know which meds to put me on until they know exactly what I am experiencing? Like I say, I am emotionally well 6 days out of the week which is more than I can say for where I was in August when I joined but the day I am not well I am really not well lately. Does that make sense?

I do not want to be put on an anti depressant which affects me everyday but I do not want to endure the attacks without some sort of help for them. Is there medication that is taken just when an attack is coming on? I know nothing about this area at all.

I really appreciate everyone's post. Davit i appreciate you being honest and forthcoming. I am not put off by your post at all. I can feel your honest concern for me. I believe I can find a medical professional who will listen to me and take the time to make a careful assessment to help me determine if I need meds. It may not happen tomorrow but I believe I can find that if I call around and advocate for myself. I know I deserve really good care from someone who can determine what will help me in addition to the program here. I have called a few offices of people who do CBT in my area and am working on getting an appt.

Yes Tiana I am working wit hthe program. I do get stuck in terms of the exposure part. I don't know how to set up a situation where i am exposed to a moderate amount of anxiety in a controlled setting. This might be where an in person session with a CBT therapist will help. I am hopeful all of this will come together for me. Thank you everyone. You have helped a lot.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Hi loves trees,

I echo many of the sentiments here- very good advice and insight! As Davit predicted, I'm not as concerned about labelling your husband but of strategizing to get you the help you need-- though of course I encourage you both to continue to work on your communication and realize that you are on the same team with this issue. This forum is excellent for sharing support and information but of course it has it's limits, as do all of us in our knowledge. I like your idea of continuing to look for a counsellor in your area. Check with women's centres. It sounds like you are doing really well and perhaps you don't/won't need daily medication. Again, speak with your doctor. CBT is a journey! Are you still using the program? Go back and re-visit when you think it will be helpful.

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi loves trees,

Sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time.

(Strictly my own opinions below)

Just wanted to add to Sunny's comment about most men being "fixers". Unfortunately, I'll have to agree with her view on this one. One of my best friends set me straight one day when she was venting about a problem she was having, and I automatically jumped in with ideas on how to fix the situation. She told me that she didn't want or need advice, just an understanding, sympathetic ear.

I think a lot of men tend to take a problem-solving approach to challenging circumstances. And if we can't solve the problem, feel helpless, angry, or frustrated and try to withdraw or extricate ourselves from the situation. This may or may not be the case with your partner, but what I feel he may need to realize is that the most effective way to "solve your problem" is to be understanding, patient and supportive of you when you're having anxiety or panic. From what you've described, problem-solving and subsequently distancing himself from the situation isn't helpful to you.

I do hope the two of you are able to further open the lines of communication and work through these issues. You can also find resources and information online for friends, family and loved-ones to better inform them on how to best be supportive for people dealing with anxiety or panic.

Take care.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hello loves trees: Sorry for the tough time right now. I remember my partner being upset when I was having an attack. He just didn't know what to do even if I had explained to him beforehand what I would like him to do. He was like your husband, got angry and that upset me even more. He explained to me later that he felt helpless and that angered him. Most men are "fixers" and they want to be able to fix you because they care and don't like to see you suffer. They have to understand they can't "fix" you, it takes time for you to "fix" yourself. All we want is someone to hold our hand and tell us it is going to be o.k. and just stay beside us.

I don't have panic attacks anymore but I did go through some illness this summer. After all these yrs. it is only now that there is a bit of understanding about just being there - my perception - note "my" perception, is that he doesn't like it (who would like all the stress of illness and worry) and then it makes me feel worse. I can see his helplessness and how it upsets him and that disturbs me, so I'd rather be alone these days.

As for meds.may I suggest that you speak to your doctor about this right away. You have come far with CBT already. Perhaps all you need is a mild tranquillizer for the bad attack. You may not need something to take every single day, but just in an emergency. In any case, you and your doctor can discuss and decide what is best for you. I wouldn't hesitate. You will still be learning CBT and practicing every day and the CBT program will help you get rid of those dragons once and for all. Don't give up now, you're almost there. Keep the faith, we are here to support you through this bad time.

Holding your hand,

your friend, Sunny

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setback after a month of relief from panic