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dealing with what was hiding underneath the anxiety

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dealing with what was hiding underneath the anxiety

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

i posted this in the 'coping with setbacks' because i wasn't sure if what i am encountering is another layer of anxiety, or if it is a set of emotions that the anxiety was 'covering up' or a bit of both.

like most things in life, its probably a bit of both.

its not really a 'setback' per se for me to realize that even with cbt, i could use help processing the emotions that have been locked away inside me for so long and are being triggered by normal every day events lately. for a long time, managing my anxiety was where i had to put all my energy. even when i didn't know it, i was suppressing anxiety which took a lot of energy. i only see that in hindsight by being able to have experiences now that are not ruled by trying to suppress or manage my anxiety. i get more out of experiences because i can be in the experience, not focused on the anxiety (which was done mostly subconsciously). i was often short with people because i was trying to suppress the anxiety i was feeling about being late for example. now i can acknowledge when i feel anxious, and remind myself to take a step back. sometimes.

i wanted to post to share more of my experience for those hoping to see how this process has worked for others. i am aware of the 2 parallel experiences i'm having when i am anxious now; i have experiences and then i have anxiety about how i feel about the experience. the anxiety is impairing my relationship with others and with myself because it 'pulls' me away from having the experience. like going out with a friend for coffee. if i am anxious about whether she likes me or not, im' struggling to enjoy my time with her, while trying to process my 'what if's'. i am by no means cured yet but i catch the what ifs now, and i set them aside to deal with later instead of trying to always do two things at once.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Red,

thanks for the advice. I"ll go check it out for sure.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Stewed,

thanks for this. what is a talk group? can you talk more about what that is? I do feel the need to talk out a lot of what i'm goingthrough right now and i don't have anyone to talk it out with who can listen without reacting. that is key.

i have come around to the realization that i need a good counselor who will support me, provide insight and light the path to some degree, and console me when the emotions come up. i hope i find that, i am sure if i try out a few i'll click with someone.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 14

Hi Loves Trees,

I have had a few experiences with therapists. So far I have seen three different people over the years. I think that they can help a lot with some of the emotional stuff that's burbling up in you. I agree with an earlier comment that they definitely have to be 'tried out' since not all therapists will click. I visited one therapist who clearly just didn't 'get' my issues. We talked at cross purposes and I felt very frustrated. I moved on pretty quickly.

I have only one other suggestion that has made me feel a little in control of my life right now, and that is to join a talk group and to read as much as you can about what you are going through. It's not much, but it's all I can add to the discussion. I hope you find a way back to your inner peace soon. Best of luck on the journey.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 659

Hello loves trees,

I have a idea you might want to try. While you are looking for a therapist, in the mean time you might want to take a look at the sister site here called the depression center. It may help you and give you some relief from the sadness. I started in the depression center before I can here and it helped me a lot. I still read the sessions there when I feel I need too.

Red

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Thanks Teebs and davit!

I'm going to call a couple people next week and see how it goes. I'm not always good at trusting when I click with someone or not.

I am not even sure what i really want from someone at this point. Sometimes i feel like i want someone to shepard me through the difficult emotions. Sometimes I feel like i want help to resolve them (if that is even possible).

When I get sad now, i can use CBT to at least recognize how many negative thoughts i'm having. but even when i control those to a large degree, the sadness, which is real and based on real losses in my life, remains. i don't want to feel like this for ever. its been about 6 months since i decided to end certain relationships that were making me feel like a doormat with the person. since then, as i've posted before, i've been lonely and tried to find new friends but being sad and processing so much grief and loss is preventing me from having the energy and ability to really connect or even just be relaxed around new people which is necessary in order to get to know new people.

I'm going to approach next week by reverting back to what i was doing in september. it probably did make a difference. i focused more on the present task. i don't know what to do with sadness. if i let it, it can consume me for 3 hours or 3 days or even 3 weeks pretty much. i don't want to suppress the sad feelings but i don't want them to inhibit functioning which they are doing this last month. they are preventing me from engaging with people around me, from sleeping well, from being able to rest and think pleasant thoughts, from doing all sorts of things. i grew up suppressing feelings, and i believe that feelings are very important and should not be suppressed. but now my sadness and anxiety are tag teaming me into having miserable days and weeks lately where i either feel anxious or sad. this is progreess from not feeling anything at all 2 years ago but still like i say, affecting my ability to feel content and at peace when awake and sometimes when sleeping too.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Hi Loves Trees-

I'm also glad to hear from you again, as I was also wondering how you were! I'm glad you had a good September but sorry things have gotten a little tougher again. I feel like sometimes these anxiety issues are like an onion - you finally get through one layer and feel a little better, but then you have the next, deeper layer to deal with.

When it comes to finding the right counselor, I think the best thing is to just go to that first visit and see if you connect with the person. I had to see a few different people over the last two years until I really found someone I clicked with. You can usually tell if the person will be helpful to you pretty quickly.

Good luck finding the right therapist, and in the meantime (and as always) we're here for you!

Teebs

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Loves trees,

I will probably be here for ever if it looks like I can do some good. I'm in BC and here therapy is free and you usually start twice a week. I got referred when I was in hospital with a broken leg and panic was getting to me, I was already an Ativan addict and had to do something about it. I was sceptical because I have known a couple of therapists that did no good. Tracy is a Godsend and she is very good. Close to a hero. I try to be like her, she just has such skill and attitude, and look at what it has made of me. I would think even a GP would have access to some one. Just one thing though first and foremost therapists are still people so you may have to try more than one till you find one you are comfortable with.

Hope you can find some one, and don't forget I am always here for you.

Your friend

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Davit,

Thanks so much. I was hoping you were around to reply. I am at the moment feeling better, some reprieve after so much emotion over the last few days. I know that over time I will get better at taking care of myself. I read what I had journaled about in May and I can see where I have improved my perspective and beliefs and where I am still stuck.

I do think I want to talk to a therapist in person in my area. What should I ask or look for?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Hi loves trees,

It sounds that you have really made some headway in this program but that it may have gotten a little lonely along the way. Well as Davit pointed out, we are all here for you.

Please share anything that comes to mind that you feel you need some guidance on. I know that these boards are really powerful as myself and many members feel uplifted constantly by the experiences and advice that people share. Even just venting a bit can be helpful to read about as may people experience the same challenges, and they can relate.

If you feel that you need somebody to talk to outside of these forums, a good resource may be your doctor, as they may be able to refer you to someone that can help you talk through your current challenges.

Another avenue to try for additional support, is peer mentoring. An individual who has rehabilitated from panic disorder will help guide & support you through your journey.

The best places to find these types of support groups are to contact your local mental health unit. They will be better able to inform you of what services are located in your area.

Let us know how it goes.

Jason, Bilingual Health Educator

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dealing with what was hiding underneath the anxiety