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Welcome Beautiful Spirit,
I am so sorry you are going through this. Anyone would be deeply angry and hurt after this drastic change and betrayal. Allow yourself to be angry and hurt for a time. Grieving the loss of the relationship you thought you had is a part of the healing process. Also, take very good care of yourself. Don't forget simple self care, as it makes a difference.Try to eat healthy, sleep when you can and avoid drugs and alcohol (substances tend to make you feel worse after the fact). Exercise is a great mood and confidence booster; it also will help you to process cortisol (stress hormone).
I know you said you feel ashamed by all this. Please do not let this prevent you from reaching out to people as I am certain anyone you talk to would not blame you for what happened. I am glad you posted here. The more you can talk about this and process this with supportive people, the better. You really need social contact right now, even if it is just a phone call or chat. Isolation can be less painful when you still have people to talk to. Push yourself in this area, it will have a big impact on your overall well-being.
I think a key point you said that there were red flags and possibly this would have happened all along. Think about this point some more. Sometimes it is better to find these things out sooner rather then later. Maybe he was right for you for your five year relationship, but now he is not a person you would chose for yourself. Acceptance that the relationship is not right for you might help you to move on more quickly. Also, try to look back on previous relationships that ended - how did you cope in the past? What helped you get through difficult times before?
So the key right now is just to take care of yourself. When you start to feel a bit better you might want to start setting some small goals for yourself. Small goals for self improvement or life improvement is a great way to distract yourself and add joy and fulfilment to your life. Please post here whenever you feel like sharing. You are not in this alone.
If anyone out there is reading this please share your thoughts and ideas.
Hi, I guess I need to reach out. As hard as this is I do need support. My brain is mush, concentration is low and sadness crushes me.
History... my partner and I have been together now for 5 years, A few months ago I took a new job in a different province and since covid happened I have not been able to go home. During this time, he was unable to work, his drinking has increased (maybe even an alcoholic), his calls to me lessened, I have caught him in numerous lies and now he has admitted to me that he is seeing another woman.
He talks to me so intensively and it seems to flow so natural, like he is excited about his new adventure. I can't believe that all of this has happened so quickly. I thought we had a great relationship and he was my best friend. Up to last week he still texted me every so often that he loved me. I have been supporting our little home throughout all of this with sending money home, paying for all bills and mean while he is out dating another woman.
The isolation I feel and felt being in a new community and during covid was so difficult! Being a professional, I did not want anyone to know how I was suffering, just stuck to work and self isolated like everyone else on the planet. Now I find myself unable to concentrate and complete the simplest of tasks. I have shared small details with a few people now at work as I look like crap and I feel I have to say something to excuse the bags under my eyes; however not near to the full depth of my internal grief and struggles that I have experienced over the last 4 months.
I am angry and hurt but most of all just lost. My family is grown and for the first time in my life I find myself alone, absolutely alone. So many feelings I don't even know how to list them. I can't blame covid for this, I think that this would have eventually taken place anyways. I just maybe didn't want to see the the red flags all along and covid just hurried things along.
I feel ashamed of my situation and don't know what to do. I know the stress is wearing on me, sleepless nights, withdrawing from long distance long term friends and family hiding from the embarrassment and feelings of complete and utter disbelief that this man who loved me betrayed me like this.
My life in a few months has changed so drastically, so quickly. I am numb... how do I cope with all of this without having a complete meltdown in a province where I a stranger....
Your thoughts would be so valuable right now...