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9 years ago 0 96 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks Ashley. I was making improvements and now I'm back to square one after a few incidents this week. I literally can't get around the corner and mum expecting me to start work quite soon and I'll have to be fully independent in a couple of months. My mum has her own mental health issues. She can be very nice and then a total *****. 
9 years ago 0 11210 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Megski84,

Oh I am sorry. I did not mean to say you cannot take criticism. I meant you can do some work on handling criticism from difficult people. There are strategies in dealing with toxic people and criticism, I talked a bit about it in another post to you. But the truth is you cannot change your mother you can only change your reaction to her. Here is a great article you might want to take a look at: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4440/Cant-Change-Someone-5-Tips-to-Change-How-You-React.html

You did not deserve any of those things you listed below. It sounds like an unfair situation. I hope you are able to find some peace living in such a challenging home. 
Ashley, Health Educator
9 years ago 0 96 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ashley, I am sick and tired of people going "you can't take criticism, your parents are great."

No, my family Ashley is incredibly two-faced. They act super sweet in public, but in private can often, very often be down right nasty. Here are a few examples, and no this isn't me dwelling on the bad it is like this always:

1. I was told to play more often to de-stress. My mother finds it funny to constantly grab at me while playing billiards causing me more anxiety. 

2. We will go out to other families' homes where my parents will purposely embarrass me and/or say something completely false to piss me off. Then the people say "oh, you mustn't get so mad. You have lovely parents." Back in the car I will ask them why did they lie, why did they bring up a subject they knew I would not like? They say "because we can, we're the elders" and laugh about it.

3. Our former neighbours, whom I've forgiven and am good friends with again, asked for my help with their daughter's severe issues. Then they turned around and became nasty to me, so I stopped helping, but the nastiness continued. I told my mother what was going on, showing her harassing emails. My parents blamed me for everything that happened only because they lost their best friends. I was not responsible for their daughter's addiction problem. I called to apologize for my half (which was a very tiny half). I got somewhat of an apology. I'm over it now. We are all friends again, but I've learned even if someone asks for help, don't help them. Don't jump to conclusions on this 1 because I am leaving tons of details out. 

4. When in private I hear things like "you're ridiculous" "you're 2 yrs old" "you're a pain".

5. I am constantly interrupted so you know it's that it's being purposely interrupted when I'm trying to contribute to a conversation they started. 

6. I'm called chubby, etc.

7. I have never been defended. Having someone choke me and then invite them over is not defending. My mum will say I was right about something but then continue with the person as if they did nothing wrong. I'm not asking her to solve those relationships though. 

8. Constantly going on about the future, I can fix now, I can't fix later.

9. I will try to have a conversation and my mother will talk long with someone else and with me after 2 words go "get to the point. I don't care. Good bye" like a snob.

10. My words are constantly twisted around, this is my by other family too. For example, I might say, "you have a stain. Oh no! Let me get some cold water for you." and then another person will say really loud in front of the table "why did you have to point out the stain! What a horrible person you are!"

11. Having my anxiety made fun of. Being screamed at in the middle of an anxiety attack.


Now come and tell me what you thought before. This is the half of it. I grew up around a lot of alcoholism and major partying and I was the one to raise some of my younger cousins in some capacity and I never once regret being in their lives.

Lots more this is what I got for now.
9 years ago 0 96 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
My parents. My mother is very 2 faced, can be emotionally abusive, and never stands up for me. Once, when my aunt choked me, she did but then continued to let her over.


9 years ago 0 96 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
but we aren't talking about bosses.
9 years ago 0 96 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ok then how do you do that? Cuz unless I wake around with ear plugs I'm pretty sure I don't get how you can stop people from nagging you or listening to their nagging. 

I'm sorry but I don't logically see how someone can have a low stress day when they are constantly nagged. 
9 years ago 0 11210 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Very, very true Davit. A nasty boss can be a killer, literally when  it comes  to the stress some people  endure.  You always have options  though. No matter  how much power your boss has he/she doesn't have total power over you. Ashley, Health Educator
9 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ashley, I would have to agree with you here. The thing I want to add is that you will and do run into people in the work force that are as bad or worse than any home situation because you can't ignore them till you find a different job.
The saying that the boss is not always right but the boss is always the boss stands true.

Davit.
9 years ago 0 11210 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I would not say it is impossible but it's certainly not easy. There is no doubt about that.  That being said though have you ever heard the saying no one can make you feel  a certain way,  you always have a choice in how you feel?  In  other words,  no one has  power over your feelings unless abuse is involved(even then though, with work you can gain control). You can either change the situation,  influence the other person,  leave  the situation or change how you view the situation.  Easier said or done of course but it is possible.
 
Taking responsibility of how you behave and  think can change how you feel. It's a  huge challenge but once you figure it out...wow the world opens up. This responsibility is both  empowering and daunting.
 
 
 
Ashley, Health Educator
9 years ago 0 96 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Pretty impossible to ignore parents who live with you and start giving commands and criticisms the moment you wake up. 

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