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Agoraphobic

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

betty

"want to" really works for me even though I seldom have to use it anymore. It worked for panic too whenever it could take the pressure off. Fear and "having to" can be pretty close in some situations. They were for me when I had to go to the grocery store. Some times the fear was so bad I couldn't get out of the car. On a good day I would load up with stuff to last months. And dread having to go again. And then there was the Ativan dependence that quit working. I had to do something. I was a mess when I quit taking it. I'm fine now, no drug helpers.

I'm looking forward to hearing how you are doing.

Davit

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2

Thank you everyone for replying. Davit that makes a lot of sense and I am going to start replacing have to with want to because I do want to get over all of this. I don't know how this got so bad. It feels like I am running a race and then when I get to the hurdle I run into it I stead of jumping over it. My fear is of the fear or of just having a panic attack. I guess that is fear of the fear.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hi Liz,
Welcome to the site and support group. Keep reading and posting. Things will get better and you will get stronger everyday..I promise...This program and support really does work..

Red..

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Welcome Betty217,

First of all, I am so sorry you are struggling with an abusive relationship. You do not deserve this and it is not fair. You clearly are a strong, resilient women as you are continuing to fight this anxiety even in this difficult situation. You also should feel very proud for beating anxiety with your friend. That's amazing and inspiring. Know that slips are completely normal and part of the healing process. The key is to find the learning. It sounds to me that this relationship was a huge contributing factor. Keep fighting to get out. I know it can be easy to get sucked back in and you may get sucked back into the abusive cycle but just keep trying.

Working on the program will likely help you get back to where you want to be also surround yourself with supportive people. The more social support you have the better. We can help with that but you will want live relationships as well. Who do you have in your life who you can try to spend more time with?

Keep posting! We're here whenever you need us.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Sorry Liz

I forgot to say welcome, Welcome to the site.

Davit

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

liz

Do you know what agoraphobia actually is. You see your definition may be the problem. Agoraphobia is more than a fear of open spaces. If that was all it was then exposure would work. It is actually a fear of not having control and where do you have the least control than outside your safe environment. This lack of control is why someone could send you back to where you are now. Think about it. When you travel inside your safe zone it is because you have escape routes in the form of a friend or you are in a situation you control. So now you are at a point where you have to go beyond where you have control. Two simple words here are the problem. "have to" This indicates that it is not your decision. You don't have control. "have to" is very negative. You know CBT is changing thought patterns. So here is where you change a thought pattern. Replace "have to" with "want to". Want to is positive and puts the control in your hands.

Start in your safe zone and use "I want to" as a mantra to travel in it as you would do exposure except it is no longer exposure because you are doing what you want to with out doing what you fear because you "have to".

It works as long as in the back of your mind you are not saying I have to do this. You don't have to do anything if you don't "want to".

An example: A friend from here could not cross bridges because once on the bridge there was no escape route, any thing could happen and in her mind they did. She spent a few weeks doing exposure and saying I want to. It gave her control. She drove across the country to drive over the longest bridge there is. She had to take a ferry also to do this. Can you think of any place you have less control. Yes Flying. She can do that too.

"want to" is just a start, you can think of other things that will give you control. Think about it. You can do anything if you really want to. Wanting to is the hard part. Exposure is a test of how well you have control of the situation.

Davit.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2

Hi my name is Liz and I am new to this site. I have been living with agoraphobia for over 6 years now. I had anxiety here and there but when my mother passed away everything went black. I couldn't leave a 4 block radius. Everything frightened me. I found a therapist who actually did not help and made things worse. I started getting anxiety when I was going to my visits. I started doing exposure therapy on my own and then with the help of a friend and I was doing awesome. I was almost at my goal point and felt a new lease on life. I then met a man that I fell in love with and that turned into an emotional abuse terror. He sucked my confidence away and I felt the unhappier he made me it made his life amazing. I am slowly getting away from him and back to myself. I have never been in a relationship like that ever where someone with holds affection, emotional abuse, etc. He was completely manipulating and using. So now I am trying to get back on that horse and begin with exposure again. I went out today riding and made it to all the check points I established for myself. When I try to go past them its like there is this big wall or hurdle I can't get over. I used to have a lot of strength and confidence in myself to get over anything. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions of how to get over this hurdle and maybe ease some of the fear. I think somewhere in me is still afraid if I go past a certain point I am going to have a panic attack and they scare me. Let me know and thank you for taking the time to read my story. I am very grateful to find this site and know I am not alone.

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