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Older Children Coping with Panic Attack in Parent

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 112

I am new to this forum but I do know how you feel. I think your daughter is terrified and her way of handling it is to lash out.

If you can talk together at one point when you are not quite so agitated and put the cards on the table, so to speak. \Mothers are always there for their kids , come hell or high water so it stands to reason that when we can't "be" there for them they are

frightened.

I am blessed really with my son because years ago when he was on singulair for asthma he had terrible anxiety attacks. It took quite awhile before we realized that he was reacting to the singulair itself. In any event , he knows what I am going

through and supports me as much as possible but like today he needed me to be there for him and as best as I tried it wasn't enough at that moment....so we argued and ended up breaking down and crying. I wasn't too long after that he phoned and said "I'm sorry Mom, I should have remembered what you are going through and have been more considerate."

I guess my point is , my son knows about it so your daughter needs to understand what you are going through, then you can both fight it together.

Good Luck,

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 122

Hi Cie,

I agree with what the others have said, I to have had panic and anxiety off and on

for about 21 yrs and have raised a daugther during that time. while she was

growing up we always made it clear that it was nothing for her to worry about

and that it was no different than if I had heart or sugar problems that it to can

be managed. My daugther is 21 and I can understand what you are saying about your

daugther's reaction, I think at that stage in her life she is scared, scared that she

might not have you to lean on, scared that you won't be able to participate in the

things she will have coming up in her future ( YOU WILL!!!!) I can tell by you saying

that you are both close that she depends on you as daughters do, and she is scared.

Have her read up on anxiety and panic so that she knows that it is very common

and that it can be managed. The walking out without talking is just her trying to

cope with her fear. she loves you and wants you to be ok. Do the program and

try to include her by letting her help with some exposure exercizes. hope this

helps. keep posting.

sweatbee

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 192

Hi Cie: I think your daughter is frustrated because she can't help, doesn't know enough about what you are going through, etc. Good idea to give her some info. and let her read it if she wishes. She may or may not want to know. It may be frightening her as you have always been there and strong one. I find if I acknowledge the other person's feelings with "I" statements, such as "I can see you are having a difficult time with this", they might open up and a dialogue can start. I would acknowledge their pain, their confusion, their fear about it.

At the time I had my panic at it's worst, my teenage children just left me alone and I would go to my bedroom and lie down, do relaxation exercises. Sometimes I wished they would give me a hug, but they didn't. I felt very alone. We rarely talked about it because they didn't want to know and I didn't want to burden them. They just knew if I had to excuse myself for awhile where I would be. It's only when they matured and married that we discussed it.

It sounds like you are on the right track. CBT is the best program for anxiety and stress. Keep working it. It does work, I no longer have panic attacks and I recognize my "symptoms" which let me know to slow down and take it easy for awhile. Keep posting. We're listening.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 23

Cie I have been having anxiety for 30 years off and on. I have 3 children 26, 25 and 16. Once they were old enough to see something was happening with me I started to explain to them and let them know as much as I could about it. Also let them know that it had nothing to do with them and that it would never come between us. I think at the beginning because they didn't understand, they thought it was something they did or didn't do, or that it would affect how I felt about them. I would tell them I would get through it and be ok and that the best thing they could do for me was to NOT make a big deal of it. They have come to a point where they tell me everything will be ok and if I needed anything they would be here. My daughter who still lives with us knows to just give me a hug and tell me she loves me and to get through it and then go on. She took a psychology class at school so she would better understand how the brain works. She also looked stuff up on the internet so she could know what was going on and what could be done. Your daughter sounds more like my husband, I'm still working on getting him to understand that it isn't always something I can get in control quickly. Hang in there, remember you ARE a strong person. I continue to tell myself when I start comparing myself to people like my husband who don't have any trouble doing everyday things, that I am strong because I have to fight so hard to do the things they take for granted.

We all understand and are here for you!

Momsydoo

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Cie,

Welcome to our support community. Take a look at the responses, you have received some really great advice, so take what you need and keep it close. It is definitely hard for others to understand what you are going through, but you need to do this for yourself. Progress, knowledge and support is what we can offer and it helps to write down what you are feeling.

Having your daughter research about this may give her a better understanding of what you are going through. The site has lots of great information and all she has to do is read. You have been there for her all her life and we know you will continue doing so.

You do have to take time out for you and your progression as well.

Josie, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Hi Cie,

nice to meet you. You are not over reacting... there is no such thing because everyone is different. We all react differently. I feel for you for having a family member say that. My ex husband wasn't supportive and he was always angry with me too. I would be great, as Davit mentioned, if you can somehow show her that there are a lot of other people with this. There are a lot of good books with some people's experiences with panic disorder too ( I recommend "Living with Panic Disorder"). The other thing that has helped my mom understand and also myself is by saying "I am not perfect".. I used to think I was and that I've misled a lot of people that I was superwomen but it's nice to let them know that we can fall sometimes too. Best wishes for you and your daughter.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Cie

Do you think you could get her to read some of the posts, Maybe not! Could you print off my description of a panic attack in my blog. Maybe if you could show her that this is real she could stop the "get with the program bull" I lost my last girl friend because she thought what I was going through was just attention grabbing and arrogance. If nothing else she would see that it takes a long time and her pushing is not helping. Because you are the one that is supposed to shoulder the load by yourself is probably why you are the one with the problem. Try to see it from the point of view of someone who doesn't understand and it may help with how you explain it. Her anger is probably just frustration because she loves you and can't seem to help. She may have left abrupt so as to not start another fight. Remember because of your condition you are going to put a negative spin on every thing unless you try to find something positive. There are many here that have gone through the same thing as you are going through and you can search the posts but first lets try another appeal for help from the others. It may take a while because those that are better don't come every day. SO IN BIG LETTERS WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE HELP US OUT HERE.

Davit. By the way if you are managing to make them subside that easy then you are doing very good indeed.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3

I have a 22yr old daughter that thinks its easier than it really is to talk yourself out of a panic attack. She's mad at me now and says Im supposed to be the one thats strong and keeps the family ok, so why am I allowing this? She says I need to just get over it. Ive explained how this feels and that I dont enjoy being out of work - love my job, and I really do try hard to subside symptoms when they appear. Im successful getting rid of the quick 5 minute episodes, but 3 times (out of about 30) Ive had episodes where its very hard, comes on quick and consumes me. I get very tired trying over and over to say Im ok to the point where I just lay down and want to give up. During these times the shakyness last hours, I get very cold and am trying to tackle all these feelings at once. I know she's probally just unsettled about her Mom having a problem but we are very close and I'm very sad about this. After her angry yelling last night, I went to bed, was ok. And this morning she left and just said Bye. Am I over-reacting-emotional? Id love to talk to anyone with this experience.

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Older Children Coping with Panic Attack in Parent