I was thinking about you and wondered how your day at work went. It's okay to post, whether it was good, bad or ugly :) We're here for you. Along with Ashley's questions, you could follow through the "What if" thoughts and see that even the worst case scenario wouldn't be that bad :)
In Canada family is covered by the head or spouse's health care, but the rate is different. Also if you fall below poverty level it is free. As pensioners we don't pay anything. Most of our medication is free too as long as it is generic.
First of all, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. You have been anxious about this and expect to feel a bit anxious early on. The important thing is that you are working at it. The more you work at it the easier it will become. Learn the skills you have learned in the program.
Davit asked a great question. What is the worst that could happen if you did talk to people. Take a look at these questions from Session 3 and use them to challenge your anxious thoughts:
10 Questions that Help Fight Anxious Thoughts
1. Is it "true"?
2. How do I know it’s true?
3. Is the anxious thought 100% true? (Something less than 100% true is not true)
4. What's the evidence for it being true?
5. What's the evidence against it being true?
6. Has it ever happened before?
7. What's different now?
8. How bad would it really be?
9. What's the worst thing that could happen?
10. If the worst thing happened, how bad would it really be?
In the U.S., if one spouse is working then everyone in the family has health care coverage. You had mentioned that you need to work, because you're insurance will expire? I just wondered, in Canada, does each individual person have to work in order to have health care insurance? I know, for myself, I didn't have peace when I worked, but I have the option not to work, so when I accepted that I wanted to be a housewife, my anxiety left. I was trying to force myself to be a career person, because everyone thought I should. I understand if you have to work, you don't have a choice, so what can you tell yourself that will make it something you can do and that you want to do? Can you reward yourself in some way, after work, for positive reinforcement. So, you have something fun to look forward to at the end of the day. It's just a matter of replacing negative thoughts with positive truths continually until you believe them. I think the more you go to work and see that you can do it, that over time, that will be a positive reinforcement. And, your anxiety will gradually decrease and be manageable. 99% of the things we worry about, never happen :)
I often find this feeling of shame, when I'm isolated. Once I was told, that when get into social situations again, I'll be okay, and it was always worked itself out.
If you can bear the few steps to take yourself out there, I feel, and I'm sure there are other supporters, that you'll be okay
What is the worst that can happen? You know how to deal with this. People are just children all grown up. Think of them that way. There is nothing to fear from them. You are their equal, you can do it and you know it so just go and expect the best and it will be okay. You have to try at least or you will never know. I have faith in you.
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