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Signs My Anxiety Is Affecting Others

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Shansy

There is no reason that it should be a struggle for the rest of your life although it will always be in the background ready to leap out again. It is in your memory now and you can not get rid of that but you can cover it up making it less effective. The object of CBT is to do just that and can totally neutralize the negative effects in your memory and in effect allow you to live a normal life. But it takes work. It takes time to bury the negative thoughts enough so that they are not easily accessed. In the mean time this program will give you the tools to deal with the excess anxiety and panic that still happens. CBT has a very good record of working and the program is based on it.

On the other hand, your fiancee does not realize the damage he is doing by reminding you of how you are. That only brings it to the forefront of your memory covering up any positive thoughts you have there. Together you need to celebrate every small achievement you have and they will get bigger and better. Much better.

In the mean time you need coping skills and relaxation skills. The latter stops the cycling of the anxiety and the former keeps negative thought from building up in your memory where it is too accessible.

This is not as complicated as it seems.

Grandmothers used to preach "never go to bed mad" I extend this to say never end a conversation on a similar note. Try to find something positive even if all it is is that. "I am trying and I will get better". This will sit on top of the painful negative thoughts or actions and make them less accessible to future thought. And thought is where the trouble starts.

No one but me and other past and present sufferers can understand what you go through. Those who don't suffer have no idea how lucky they are. But they think they are the ones suffering. Not so. There anger keeps them safe.

How do you make him understand? You can't, he has to share your journey without interfering. He has to learn and share without making suggestions. Suggestions from non sufferers are seldom effective.

My partner is a fellow sufferer (past) so we understand each other fairly well except that my triggers are different from hers. Life is not perfect (it never is for anyone) but it is better than it was before CBT. Much better. You can do this and we are here to support you. You can start by using us. Just writing here will help a lot more than you think.

Davit.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi Shansy,

It sounds like you might be at a crossroads for learning, or changing, since your relationship is probably the most important thing in your life.

Ashley and Davit,

I am "getting" it, and getting at this point means more self-care.

I noticed this again, where I was walking into the gym, and some younger women, lavishly dress(compared to me anyway!) were speaking. One woman mispronounced a common word(casual), and I was muttering all the way to the change room("how could someone not know how to pronounce such a common word"...etc).

Of course working out, or actually any challenging physical activity, is exhilarating and changes focus, get oxygen to my depleted brain

and I'm good to go after the workout.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

I understand you Davit.

I'm really not sure what to say because I am struggling with the same issue. I can see that my fiancee is getting "fed up" with me, he had even said "fed up." He says my promises are empty and it seems like I take huge leaps forward but then when I have setbacks it "cancels them out." This is so hurtful because it's not easy to take a leap forward but I also see his side that all he has seen me do is struggle and he just wants it to stop.

Part of me ask, "How do I make him understand that this is going to be a struggle and it may be a struggle for the rest of my life?"

The other part of me asks, "How can you make him 'put up' with your anxiety and how it affects him?"

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs

I usually get short tempered with my cats or Sunny's dog. Not their fault although some times they do get pushy and crowd my space.

If like me you are not used to being crowded you need a space or time of your own, to recharge the batteries so to speak. (preventing burnout)

If people around you understand what is happening they will help by leaving you alone or at least not commenting continuously on it.

It is a mental condition and should be treated as such.

Although humans are social creatures we seem to have lost our position on the social ladder. Due to circumstance we have been pushed up or down the ladder to a position we are not meant to be in. Some of us would do better in a different century. A slower one. (that is why I live in the country) Thank God for modern communications and medication. I can have the best of both worlds.

Davit.