Fearing making a mistake, I postpone making decisions, and I re-enforce my negative view of myself, thinking I'm not a good son. I think others might feel stress in my position. Also, I've had a lot of obstacles in my life, and overcomed them, but I forget where I come from, expecting too much.
There's so much I'm afraid of, and I feel my moms fear at the hospital, where there are people who are much worse off. I'm wondering if it's the best place for her, and I occasionally ask her if she's okay there. One fear is that she'll be angry later, but there are activities daily. Today she played a computer simulation game with others, and a "sit and dance" activity. But I felt hurt when she had her evening spoiled since I left for half an hour to get something to eat, while I'd cued up her soap opera, which my brother had taped. There was something else taped, or the olympics cut into the taping of my brother's pvr burn to a CD.
Somehow fear is taking over where love could be, but that's a risk we all take when we make ourselves vulnerable, isn't it?
