Hi Sunflower,
You will overcome panic if you keep working on this program and believe you will overcome it. I did. I found out what my triggers were and I replaced negative thoughts with positive statements of truth and believed them. I have a whole sheet of paper with truthful statements like, "I can stand being anxious; it's just a temporary uncomfortable feeling", "I can accept and observe the anxious feelings calmly and can act productively in spite of it", "The panic disorder will decrease and imminently stop", "My brain is sending me a false alarm telling me I'm in danger when I am not", etc. It was hard work and exhausting and some times I just wanted to take the day off and be negative and I did. There is no quick fix. I had to repeat this process daily, for what seemed like forever, and follow the program and do my homework. I got frustrated, disappointed and wanted to quit along the way, but I had to keep going if I wanted to be cured. For every negative thought that came into my head, I wrote it down on paper and then found a true positive statement that counteracted the negative thought. That way when a bad thought came into my head, I said, "No, that's not true.", and I replaced it with the positive truth and believed it. It's basically retraining your brain to be calm instead of anxious. Panic and anxiety are learned behaviors, therefore, you can unlearn them. I haven't had one panic attack in two or three years now. I do have anxiety some times, but it never kicks over into panic. Everyone has anxiety to some degree. I've even had high anxiety over situations, but did not panic. So, the program works. You can't be hard on yourself, you're not selfish, and try not to compare yourself with other people. I did that all the time and it just is a way to beat yourself up more. You have to be your own best friend. You wouldn't tell your friends the things you tell yourself. I did the same thing, so I'm not picking on you, I'm just trying to share what worked for me, because I care about you and I know you will overcome panic. I believe in you and I want you to believe in yourself. Everyone on this site is on your side and we're all rooting for you and know you can do it. It just takes time, patience and effort, and determination to keep going every time you fall down. If we can't pick ourselves up, this group will help pick us up. The group support is one of the important keys of the success of this program. Hang in there, you're going to make it. And, everyone on this site is going to make it. I know it and believe it, because if I was able to do it, everyone is capable of doing it. Everybody will succeed in their own time. The key is NEVER GIVE UP!
Your friend, Shari