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A Little Less Pain

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Carmie,

I really needed too read you're post. I had a panic attack earlier, the first in awhile and it shook me too the core, I took my pill early and had a little macaroni and cheese and that helped a little, the attack was bad I forgot how bad they were, my chest and left arm were really hurting I thought I was having a heart attack, thank God that went away for now it was very very scary.

I think what precipitated this was my husbands insistence I go to the Emergency room, I told him they cannot help with panic an and fear and depression, they are just unable to and I understand that, also since the symptoms of the lump and soreness are decreasing I want to wait a few more days, Carmie I cannot have a camera inserted in my throat right now, I know in my heart I would bolt right out of there and make a fool of myself and medical professionals in ER are NOT going to tolerate that they have other patients and emergencies, its going away much more slowly than it should as long as its not cancer I think I will alright, I have to see my nurse this week and I am praying to God she can help me, the therapist could not and I am praying that God gives her the knowledge and wisdom and power to help me, I cannot go on like this for much longer.

I am saying the serenity prayer everyday along with prayers to St. Dymhana and the blessed Mother to somehow bring me healing, peace and my life back, the depression is coming back and its SO hard to deal with both panic and depression, a double whammy and I cannot take anti-depressants for it, all I can hope for is the CBT and prayer too let me recover.

I knew when I got sick with this virus I would go down, I took the antibotics, and yes Carmie you were so right about going on the internet with symptoms, that more than anything brought me down. One day I will be able to right a happy post, I am so praying that will be soon. You have been wonderful too me, you keep my hope going when I think I cannot take it anymore, thank you so much Carmie, I am so grateful.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Debora:

I found out as well that I cannot look things up on the internet. For me it is the worst thing that I can do. I've called my doctor a lot more lately but it really is because I have symptoms and I don't want to look them up on the internet. For some reason, people don't take the time to write about things that cause symptoms that are not exciting or dramatic.

I think saying the serenity prayer once a day might help. Do you? I will say it for both of us.

Something else that helps me a lot. Today, this moment, is the only guaranteed time I have. Something that I try to keep in the forefront of my mind is to be as active as possible in the lives of people I care about. I found that when I worry, I am not thinking about right now. When I worry, I am thinking about what might happen. And often, I am thinking or worrying about things that I can't control.

For example, I worried about tornadoes when we were driving home from Florida (There were warnings in Georgia). I was worrying that we would hit one. Well, I realized that all of my worrying wasn't going to keep a tornado away. I couldn't control if a tornado was going to hit us or not. I could control if I decided to turn on the radio and to start a sing-a-long - which we ended up doing.

I hope tonight is better for you. And this week. I try to share my ideas and thoughts as they come up - in case one of the ideas might help. I hope you don't mind that my posts are also long. I really do look forward to reading a happy post from you some day soon. I just know you are going to be happy!

Peace,

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie and Everyone,

That is interesting about Paula Dean and acceptance, maybe that is the "key" that I am missing. My Mother died at 55 years old eight years ago, she had a tumor on her pituary gland and died during surgery, she never woke up, she was my best friend and I dont think I ever got over it, and my Dad died a year and a half ago from congestive heart failure at 66 yrs old, so I guess I think I am going to die young too! I am 50 now and I think I am nervous I am older and "things do happen" I know as you age things go wrong, in my thirties and forties I could accept this as "just panic" now I feel its a horrible terrible terminal disease, and I do so try to put that out of my mind, I wish I could, its not living when you live in fear and terror of illness and death everyday.

My husband keeps pushing me to go to ER, but the symptoms seem to have been decreasing {very slowly} over the last few days, my voice is a little stronger, my throat a little less red and painful, and that "lump" when I swallow not as painful and seems smaller, I am so hoping it continues, the thought of a camera down my throat sends me into panic, also I would probably have to take a klonopin just to get in the car and go and if they want to give me some kind of local anthesitic at the hospital it might interact, I am praying the symptoms get better, my monthly is due and that always gets me more anxious too.

I have to go to my nurse practioner this week she does NOT come to the home, and I forgot it was daylight savings time, I see her early evening and its darker and for some strange reason I feel "safer and stronger" going out after dark, its going to be very hard to see her this week but I must go its been almost four months, the agorophobia has been strong and getting sick and taking so long too get well has not helped. My husband checked my history on the computer and is upset its all about cancer I think I convinced him I have it which I did not want too do, it has to be a good sign the symptoms of the lump and pain have decreased right? Googling my symptoms was the very worst thing I could do, never again will I ever do that.

I have read about hypochondria and the common denominator seems to be they run to doctor to doctor to doctor, take a a lot meds and call the doctor constantly, I seem to go the other way, I am scared to death of doctors and just take one med, doctors have never really helped me so I think I lost my faith, I always seem to pick the wrong one. Right now I am having some chest pain which is scaring me, I have to get this off my mind. Thank you so much, I am sorry this is so long. Deb.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora:

The interview with Paula was very interesting but left me wanting to know more. She mentioned that she wrote a book. I'd like to read it now.

Her dad died when she was 19 and that is when her panic attacks began. Then when she was 23, her mother died. Things got worse for her and she suffered for 20 years in total! She said that what finally worked for her was acceptance. She learned to accept her father's death and her mother's death. She learned to accept that she would die one day as would her sons. She said that accepting these things was like being released from a cage. It left me wanting to know more about this lovely and strong lady.

Speaking of lovely, strong ladies. I am glad that your nurse practitioner is coming this week. I hope that everything continues to improve for you until then.

You remain in my prayers always,

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie and Sonia,

I did not know that Paula Dean had agorophobia, I heard she had type 2 diabeties, that was surprising you would never know.

I have seen that serenity prayer, I know they use it in AA, my therapist even brought it up once of twice, maybe that is my problem trying to change things that cannot be changed and not accepting my condition, I dont know? I know I would like too change it and be healthy again, maybe just going with the flow for awhile, I really thought when the attacks decreased the anxiety and hypochrondrias would go away, not yet, I think its the health issues that are really bothering me now, not only am I very nervous and upset about my throat but I feel so very tired and wrung-out, no energy, I can barely walk around the block anymore, its amazing what stress and panic can do to a body! The ten questions help me, I try to hold on too that.

I did not go to ER yet, I will explain why {other than I am scared to death too go} if they want to do any procedures I dont know what meds they can give me?? if they have to "put me under" for the camera procedure I dont know if the klonopin I take twice a day would interact with any anatheisia, I know I spelled that wrong, I have my nurse practioner appt coming up this week and I wanted too talk to her about it before I did it, I mean a few extra days wont hurt will it? and the symptoms are a little better, I will feel better when I talk to her about it and she can advise me. I am probably putting it off due too fear but eventually I will have too go if I am not better soon. I am still praying for a miracle, for emotional physical and mental health, its been over a year and I am so tired of this, my body cannot take much more, it has too stop, I must find peace and calmness in my life and stop worrying about sickness and death, it has hurt me in so may ways, and one thing I know I want it too stop, I have not been too successful yet but I have too keep trying like all the other wonderful people on this site.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora:

A little note to say that you are always in my prayers. I wanted to share that I just watched an interview with Paula Deen. Did you know that she suffered from agoraphobia? She said that she says the serenity prayer every day and it has helped her tremendously. Do you ever say that one? Here is how it goes - it helped Paula - maybe it will help you today:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I
can;
and wisdom to know the difference

I have to run - wishing you peace this weekend,

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 270

Debora,

Glad that you're trying to hang in there and think positive! Looking forward to hearing the results should you decide to go to the ER and have it looked at.

What are some relaxation activities you can partake in in the meantime?

Sonia

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie and Everyone,

Thank you for writing me back. I am trying to hang on and think positive. My voice is a little stronger and the "lump" in my throat seems a little smaller, I am having some ear pain which scares me and my anxiety is very high today, I tried to throw myself into my housework and get my mind off things, but things people are saying {not on this site} are really scaring me!

My husband wants to take me to ER and get this checked out, I told him the symptoms were a little less severe today, still there but no worse and a wee bit better and I cannot believe what he said! "You are going to wait too long and they are going too tell you its too late and there is nothing they can do"! Oh God, I almost died when he said that, he normally does NOT say things to get me going and anxious, now I think he thinks it IS cancer, unless I have been talking about it so much I convinced him, I do not want a tube through my nose or a camera down my throat unless I have too, if the symtoms are waning a little bit would a few more days matter? I am terrified its cancer and hearing the words would probably cause a heart attack or breakdown, am I in denial? the lump is smaller and my voice is better, my ear hurts a little but nothing I cannot live with, is this just my body healing? It scares me that my husband is scared, so very unlike him, but this procedure is going to be painful and scary and then hearing the cancer word would break me, I do not know what to do, scared to go scared not too, if it were serious would not the symptoms be worse not a little better? My husband says I am putting it off and I guess I am, but he has been putting off a colonscopy for almost three years out of fear I think, so he must understand this.

I am so hoping since I am a little better it continues, I mean noone wants to go to ER and have that horrible procedure done. If I get worse I will have too go. Right now tonight I just want to "forget about it" I want to relax and float and put all these terrible morbid thoughts OUT of my mind! I am praying for peace within me. This has been terrible and I want it too end, I want my life back I want too live, but not in fear and sickness. Thank you all for everything, I am so grateful and thankful.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora:

I really think that what you are going through is exhausting and personally I wouldn't feel guilty about napping and sleeping. You've been very sick and I think that rest is only going to help you. And, of course, prayer and positive thinking and knowing that you will get well.

I am glad that you have a visit with your nurse coming. I hope she will be able to give you some good advice on your next steps. Please try not to worry too much about doctor's visits - I think that the worrying lasts longer and is even worse than the procedures themselves. What do you think?

How is today going?

Congratulations again on the quitting smoking. I am so very happy for you!!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Debora,

I am glad you are starting to feel a bit better. Quitting smoking can make you cough more initially. If you would like more information on quitting smoking you can go to our sister site www.stopsmokingcenter.net. Quitting smoking is a excellent choice not only for your physical health but also your mental health.

Take care,

Ashley, Health Educator

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A Little Less Pain