Hey again Josie,

 

I couldn't get a doctor to approve any additional sitting accomodations for me.  It was approved (not through doctor but by employer) before my surgery for an ergonomic chair but before it came in I reherniated my disc, went out of work again and this time needed emergency surgery due to my symptoms and large 9mm herniation.  When I came back to work, I really tried to use the new chair but my pain levels had changed and I had hardly any stability in my spine so I had to stand all day.  Good thing at the time I was only working 4 hrs./day.  I went out of work again 1st of Nov. due to severe sciatic pain returning and PM doctor ordered a test done to evaluate what I am able to do.  From a 3 hr. test of sitting for a total of 5 mins., it was determined I was capable of returning back to work 1st of year full time 40 hrs.  It's been tough but 1st 3 weeks only worked 4 days, last week was 1st full week.  My manager is letting me split up my lunch hr. to 2 30 mins. I take one in morning to lie in back seat of my car, then repeat that for 2nd one, then take both 15 min. breaks together for a 3rd time to lie in car.  I eat my lunch at my desk.  She also allowed me to change my work schedule from 8-5 to 8:30-5:30 since she knows I suffer from anxiety every single morning.  I soak in the tub as soon as I get up with my lavender epsom salt & relaxing music from laptop.  It's the only way I can get the anxiety down enough to get ready for work.

 

We will see what tomorrow brings.  Talked to my therapist and she is going to work to get me in with a psychiatrist for a full evaluation including all of my meds.  A psychiatrist actually has authority to write a patient out of work.  I don't want that but if she does find that I am not emotionally or psychologically ready, perhaps she could write me for reduced hrs. with gradual increase if this would help me get through this anxiety.

 

Thanks for the welcome.  It's good to be on here.

 

Donna

 

 

nclady,

 

Welcome to our support community and we are glad that you stumbled on!  This is a great way to compliment your therapy sessions as well.

 

You are a very determined and well rounded individual.  Good for you for being active and pushing forward.  Are there modified duties at work? Accommodated duties? Your injury and suffering is not new...if you can make it there for the 40 hours..can they assist with modified or accommodated duties, and can you work from home?

 

You are definitely taking care of yourself with massage and relaxing techniques.  Do look through the program and gather some more tips and tools that may be beneficial to you.

 

As you can see the members are awesome and they can share and support with you!

 

We look forward to hearing more from you!

 

 

 

CBT definitely works. Ask our therapist about the panic triangle, it is not on the internet. It is a simplified explanation of why panic attacks and depression happen and how to stop the cycle with CBT. It is a piece of information that most people are not aware of. If your therapist is not familiar with it and some are not then I will explain it here. 

Relaxation and coping skills will get you started on the road to recovery but they are only a start.

Even with the CBT you will still need to understand what causes the triggers of which, pain may be only a small one. Side effects of meds may be another. The list goes on and gets longer as the condition progresses. Good news is that they can all be changed.

Davit.

Hi Davit and thanks for the welcome in.  Wow, it sounds like you have been through alot and here all that I had was a microendoscoptic discectomy to my L5-S1.  Had the laminectomy where he removed a small portion of the vertabrae.  It is minimally invasive surgery and the incision was very small but I believe I am one of those small percentage of people the doctor talked about where the surgery just doesn't do well. What you have had done is major compared to mine so I really feel for you.  It sounds that despite all you've been through that you are doing much better with the help from the CBT.  My roommate had told me about CBT before as well as a healthcare nurse through my old insurance company from last year.  Before the herniation, only things I had was borderline high cholesterol and arthritis in my back which I kept under control with being physically active.  When I found this website and saw that I could do the CBT through here, I was grateful thinking this is another outlet to my recovery.  I'm not a fan of just depending on prescription drugs only and want to use as many ways I can to recover.  At least I know someone on here is experiencing other major medical issues with opiate usage for pain as well.  Did you go through any pain management too?  My body is super sensitive to presc. drugs, especially high dosages, so I am constantly calling the pharmacist asking how long in between different meds. do I need to wait.  I'm tired of visiting the ER/hospital or even having paramedics come to my house.  I've never in my life had to be on so much stuff.

 

I know what you mean on the low amount of disability income.  My roommate is disabled and it floors me at how small her check is but she became disabled in her college years so not alot of years to build up for a higher amount.  My ex is disabled too but he gets a bit more yet still not alot but he shares a place with his brother.  Guess if I do become disabled, I do have the advantage of having a roommate with the extra income.  I struggled years ago as a single mom making barely above minimum wage and haven't forgotten where I came from so to speak.  If I was able to make do then, I could do it again.  Some may think with having a roommate that I have company but she suffers from bad depression and stays in her room either sleeping or watching TV.  Only comes out to use the bathroom, grab a bite to eat from the kitchen, and on rare occasions will stop to have a talk but for the majority it's pretty boring and lonely here.  I'm a people person and hate being cooped up in my bedroom, heck even in my house but I only get out for the necessities (work, dr. appt., pick up groceries/presc.).  Too much pain for me to drive anywhere else so no social outings for me, and as I said all of my trip going friends have abandoned me.  What is sad is those I met through my new church have stayed connected with me & they've never been with me to my timeshares, yet the ones I met through my old church who went on all of the cheap trips with me through the timeshares are nowhere to be found.....the ever so famous fair weather friends.  I prayed about that for a long time and finally had to hand that over to the Lord.  All I can do now is focus on recovering and trusting that doors will be open for new (and genuine) friends moving forward.  I do have my massage therapist who comes to my house once a week so that helps some with the pain.  Been going to her for almost a year so when I found out she comes to people's house for massage, I was thrilled.  She only charges an extra $5 for coming out here and can't beat the price.  Also have a signature card that once filled. get 30 mins. for free.  She has been very encouraging to me and it almost seems like a mini therapy session with her also....LOL.  It's nice to at least have someone at my house once a week for an hour of human companionship and someone to talk to.

 

I am so happy to hear how well you are doing and I am sure the CBT will be very helpful to me as well.  I plan on telling my therapist about it and see if she wants copies of my progress.  I also do aromotherapy, soaking in the tub with dead sea or epsom salts with essential oils, spa music for relaxation.  I've googled so many sites trying to find ways to relax.  Each thing is like another piece of the pie to recovery I guess.  Looking forward to having this site for others to reach out to also.  Seems from what I have read that everyone is very supportive which is great.

 

 

Welcome to the site and welcome to the club. I have seven fused Vertebrae and one collapsed one. I have logged two years out of the last eight in hospital including three Christmas's. My longest stay was six months of which I never got out of bed on my own for four months. 

I suffered panic attacks even before that, but never knew what they were. In one of my good periods out of hospital and infection free the trauma got to me. Even after four years of Ativan I could not stop the panic attacks. Every night at around two in the morning for over a year. I've spent time in the psych ward. I know all about opiates and chronic pain. I know about antibiotics too and antidepressants. I know the side effects and even some that aren't supposed to happen. I'm pretty much panic free and pain free or at least as free as a person can be. I refused the operations. I'm on disability and surviving. It pays around a quarter of what I was earning. I adjusted and I'm okay. Life sucks some times but I am for the most part happy. 

I think with a lot of work you can be too but that is just my opinion. You sound like you could prove me right. 

Again, welcome, CBT does work.

Davit.

Hi everyone.  I stumbled upon this website through Google and just started the CBT a few days after registration.  I am just started with a therapist a week ago; however, those sessions are only every other Saturday.  It was a challenge trying to find someone who could see me with all of my obstacles so when I was told they have someone I could see every other Saturday, I was happy with that.  Just that my anxiety has gotten so out of control that I have visited the ER in the last 2 weeks.  The 1st visit, they wanted to keep me in the hospital overnight for more bloodwork, tests, monitoring because bloodwork taken in ER showed elevated enzymes which could have suggested possible borderline heart attack, but maybe not.  ER doctor had no idea after sharing that news with me, then leaving the room that he was dealing with someone with bad anxiety so there I was left alone to spin into another panic attack from that news with nobody in the room with me.  Good news is everything else done came back showing normal and was diagnosed as stress.  Bloodwork at ER last night came back normal and was diagnosed with stress/anxiety.

 

My circumstances may be a bit different or more complicated than most here as I am suffering from chronic pain from a failed back surgery last year.  Had a disc herniation in Feb. last year, surgery in June when non-surgical didn't work, had 2nd herniation and symptoms of needing emergency surgery.  Never wanted the surgery.  I've heard all of the horror stories of those who had back surgery & tried to avoid it at all cost.  Now, I'm just another one added to the list to share my bad story of having back surgery.  I've been on narcotic pain meds. for 7 months now because of the chronic pain, and after reading up on longterm effects of opiates, have tried several times to wean myself off only to end up back in pain or suffering some of the withdrawal symptoms henceforth the panic attacks.  Even though I was diagnosed with PA 20 years ago, with the help of counseling and I believe a year period of being on a long term medication, I weaned myself off that and the attacks have been kept under really good control.  Would have one occasionally and when I would sit back and think about what was going on in my life at the time, it was something stressful.  I have stayed very physically active with a close knit of friends I met through church until I herniated my disc last year.  Since then, I have lost all but one of those friends as I'm not physically able to go on trips, let alone travel here in town.  I went in and out of work last year worrying with losing my job due to a writen notice from previous year.  Spine surgeon kept ignoring all of my concerns after the surgery.  He was living some sort of egotistical high off the 2 post-operative MRIs talking about how great they were yet ignoring my pain.  I asked to be referred over to Pain Management and that has not been a joy either.  They determined from a 3 hr. test where I sat for a total of 5 mins. that I was capable of returning back to work full time 1st of this year.  PAs started sometime in Nov. last year due to trying to wean myself off another med. (muscle relaxant - schedule 4 drug) yet PM doctor refused to acknowledge this.  Also started with menopause around this time in which anxiety is one of many symptoms of hormonal imbalance.  So with me, it is the combination of past anxiety being triggered by this life changing medical condition, menopause, symptoms of trying to come off pain medications that cannot just be stopped and have many withdrawal symptoms with anxiety being one.  I'm also on Klonopin and Metoprolol (for fast heartrate & high BP) through my primary dr., ultra low dose of BCP with OB-GYN to help with hormonal imbalance.  Now being told by my manager that my excessive tardiness, days off inapproved (no more PTO for this month) will have to be treated according to company policy.  She understands what I'm going through but if I don't make an effort to be at work all week for 40 hours, they will either have to write me up or fire me.  I wake up every single morning feeling anxiety yet have to be at work for 8 hrs. on pain meds. when I cannot sit/stand for long periods.  I am at the point where I just need to face the possibility of losing my job and letting the filing for disability continue on.  That alone is a nightmare but my job is not worth my life or health.

 

OK, sorry so wordy but I tend to be that way at times and just wanted to share my story with everyone here.  It's nice to have another outlet to come to in the middle of my bi-weekly therapy sessions.  No friends in my life, can't get out to go to church and my home fellowship meetings anymore so I've become pretty isolated though not by choice.  I can't make people whom I thought were my friends be in my life when they have walked away.  I enjoy reading the forums since I joined last week.  It's encouraging to read and know there are others out there, just like me, to relate to anxiety and the challenges in life from it.

 

Donna