Deb,
Once I was told that "what you resist will persist".
Embracing my nightmares has helped me, as I've changed my view of dreams or nightmares. I see the nightmares as a purging of the mind and soul, similar to our physical purgings.
Would you become angry at your tears, which are secretions from your body? Or would you become angry at the wax that comes from your ears?
As caregivers, there's this great vitality in us which wishes to be unleashed, but there are dishes to wash, floors to mop, mouths to feed...etc
I find the more i wrestle with the content, the worse it is, so I'm just paying less attention to the nightmares.
I suppose if we had the resources, we could lie on a couch and be entertained by someone's "theory" of what's going on in our lives, but I have other priorities.
As for following the answer to "why", I find it's like going on the cliche "wild goose chase". I won't entertain the question any more, unless it's in the toolkit.
CBT doesn't have the "glitz" but gets the job done.