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Perfectionism as an Illusion

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Anerol,

I think I meant it varies with the individual. Not everyone wishes to buy the same art you create at the same price at the same time, do they?

In the movie "The Devil Wears Prada", a fashion icon played my Meryl Streep challenges interning Ann Hathaway's snickering at the choices consumers make. Apparently a lot of our needs are manufactured by the fashion industry so we buy according to what they decide through advertising seasonally.

Also, our tastes and other inclinations change over time, if we're allowed to nurture them.

In the book by Thomas Green on meditation, he describes how to find out the perfect gift for a person - ask them! He worked in the Phillipines, and there was some surprise that the favourite for a gift for someone was a smelly blue cheese which everyone couldn't stand. Yet that had value for the person.

I've also wished, at a very young age, that I wouldn't be influenced by these superficial "winds" so I can live life truthfuly instead of by someone else's standards. As I grow older, I realize that beauty is something which wanes, by the innate qualities and journeys of people who pass by me daily are only part of a cultures' reflection instead of one person's creation that day.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Hi Hugs,

I'm thinking a lot about that... I feel like so much has went on after meeting with a therapist.. but when I look at myself from the outside, I wonder how much I've really changed. It's all still foggy for me now.. my mind can't catch up, if that's what you mean.

And do you mean that beauty is determined mostly cognitively or by instinct?

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

By being in the present, it might help relieve our need to avoid the material part of the process, as I read about Sunny's friend.

Anerol, I have a similar issue with sessions. I prepare a lot, but feel guilty if all the homework doesn't get done. One thing about change is that sometimes the homework or "behavioural" stuff isn't observable, even if your modality is behavioural like CBT.

You might change a lot on the inside, but not get any homework done for that session. I'm particular about getting all the stuff checked off on my list I bring.

Anerol, when you said "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", it's different for me now, since I trust myself less as I realize the obstacles I put up cognitively. Conversely, I'm trusting my intuition more

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

I just had a bout with my perfectionism the day of my therapy session. I had not accomplished all of my homework to report to my therapist so I was terribly anxious to see her. I even called her to tell her that I'm too anxious to talk to her but she still came any ways saying that she'd need to be there in those situations especially. And I'm so glad that she came. After I told her how far I went for my attempt for the HW which were not accomplished,she said she thought I was anxious to see her because I didn't accomplish any of my HW but I did. And I was like... I did? Right... I did.... I put so much pressure on myself for nothing. And like what Sunny said about her painter friend, I can so relate. I never can finish a painting. My pet peeve was seeing the little holes on my canvas not filled. But last time, I just painted with feeling... let go of my perfection, left a few of he holes not filled and then it sold. Eyes of the beholder.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi: Sometimes when creating, one has a wonderful time just expressing it and it flows so well at the beginning. If you let perfectionism set in, you start doubting your ability and try and tweak it here and there. It might happen then that all the "rules" you've learned about art start setting in and spoil the original thought. I had a Russian girlfriend who was a painter, more than 10 yrs. art school in Moscow. She told me the worse thing was not knowing when it was enough and to let it be. So, no room for perfectionism, it is often perfect in the eye of the beholder anyway. We may know where our little mistakes are or where we wanted to do better - talking about anything in life here, speeches, dancing, having a dinner party, planning a wedding - but no one else notices as Davit suggests below.

I think life is for enjoying, just go for it. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, ah well, maybe you'll learn something for next project.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs, Ashley.

My perfectionism was tied to a core belief that I could never be good enough. I've dropped it. I still aim high and still spend too much time on some things but never more than I have time for.

Aim high all right but settle for what you get. It has become my observation that I am the one it is not good enough for, no one else cares.

The opposite is aiming too low. Short cuts and shoddy work to save a dollar will not make you happy. Also with a disability I've had to settle for less which goes along with the reduced income. I pick my projects with an eye to being able to finish them and have something that is functional and looks good. I still throw in the odd challenging project but accept these will run over my time allotment. This is okay since it is okay with me. End of perfectionism.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi Hugs,

Perfectionism can actually be quite negative at times. Many perfectionists have trouble completing anything as they are too busy making it "perfect" it never is completed. Also, sometimes perfectionists won't even get started as doing any task perfectly would be pretty daunting. Also, as a perfectionist you very rarely are satisfied with your work and then never really feel accomplished which is also unmotivating.

It would be great to hear members' experiences with Perfectionism.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

I always thought this was an illusion.

I wonder if others have successfully challenged their perfectionism.

Today I had a personal breakthrough, mentally. I saw my perfectionism as procrastination and fear of failure. In the past, I saw it as something which kept pulling away from me. Now I see it as something I just pushed away.

Any personal experiences out there or comments?

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Perfectionism as an Illusion