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Need advice about Therapy, help!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Debora,

How is it going? Have you seen your therapist? has it gone better? there are many workbooks online via amazon etc.. for anxiety etc.. > I have not tried any myself yet but I did read one about managing emtions from the library and it explained primary vs. secondary emotions and I thought it was helpful that one chapter I read anyways. I notice you mentioned in one of your posts taht journaling doesn't help you but I notice there are a few new diary / journals out there now that guide the writer more.

If I buy one and try it i'll let you know how it goes but thought I would suggest it in case you are lookging for other ways to boost your therapeutic sessions.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Loves Trees for saying that. I do not want to scare anyone away from therapy, just because I had bad luck I am sure others will have good luck. That one that left town I have tried not too think about it too much because it upsets me how I was taken advantage of, and even through I am not great now, I was in such bad shape then, I found it so cruel.

The one I have now is not taking advantage of me, {I hope not} and he is decent and nice, but I just do not feel like I am getting better, he tries I think, and the co-pay is low and he comes to my home, I just wish we made more progress, maybe I expected too much, like I would magically recover or something? I wish I had Davit's therapist, he sounds like he knows what he is doing and would help me, but that is probably impossible since we live so far away from each other. I just have to have hope!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Debora,

I do not think it is bad mouthing her to state what she did, in plain facts. She denied that you were unable to take certain medications. That is her failing.

I am worried that people who want to take advantage of others are attracted to the helping professions because they are dealing with vulnerable people who want help, they are not held accountable if their 'treatment's don't yield any results, and they are paid regardless of what sort of servicd they provide. That is not the case in most lines of work I do not htink. SO i am nervous now about this.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Anerol and Loves trees for replying. I am praying you're therapy session goes well anerol, I think most want too help and it will be a good fit and you will know if its not, I had trouble but I think its just the area where I live perhaps.

Yes I get angry when I think about what that woman did too me in January, I was SO bad and I feel she took advantage, she knew she was leaving town and took me on as a "patient" anyway, and never gave me a referral, she told me to ask my primary care for medication, that is why I went there because I cannot tolerate an antidepressant, which she basically did not believe, I do not lie and she made me feel that I was being untruthful about an antidepressant, believe me I ended up in ER I was NOT making it up, I dont want to bad-mouth her too much, I still want to believe there are more good ones than non-good ones, I guess I should be happy it was short-lived and I did not spend money I really did not have, when she could not help me.

I have to believe there is an end too this and we will all recover, we deserve that I think and that is my hope and prayer.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Debora

Ugh. YOur experience with the person who left town after 3 sessions makes me angry that someone could do that. Where is the integrity? Ick. I can't believe people in that profession take advantage of others. I was naive but I am becoming less so I think and now just jaded.

I am hesitant to deal with anyone who works in an area where there is no recourse if they are a crummy person. This ranges from real estate agents who can be lazy if they chose to , to therapists who really, there is no recourse if they don't help their patient. If you fix my car and the car breaks the next day again, there can be some recourse. But with therapy, they can sit there for 300$ an hour and do nothing of value!

The good ones are worth their weight in gold. Someone who has integrity and skills. that is who i am looking for. My last therapist had no integrity and i learned that the hard way and got really hurt.

Thank goodness there are some good books out there now and also this site and good webiste with information.

I wish I could do more than cheer you on but alas that is all I can do from this distnace. I did find this site very helpful for the cognitive aspect of my health issues. As for help with my other emotional issues I have yet to find the help I know i need.

I have also learned that "short term solution focused" therapy is counter to what a lot of people actually need but it is what is offered (it sounds good doesn't it? on paper). CBT helps with anxiety. I do believe that.

Keep posting.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Hi Debora,

From my experience, this is my third therapist. My first therapist was only for a single day and I was referred to go by my doctor many years back. I never understood CBT or therapy and it was the start of my anxiety disorder life so I was still really shaken up by everything and I felt embarrassed going to a therapist. So it was only one day. But when I look back at it, he gave me a lot of good pointers in that single session. I regret a little that I didn't take advantage of what he could haave offered for me. My second therapist was after that and he was not a good fit for me. I couldn't even cry to him. I remember holding it in so much. And it was very uncomfortable and all he'd say was, "You're depressed". I had 3 months with him.. and I feel like it was a waste of money. 3 years has passed for me since that one, I've been really paranoid of seeing one after that. But I've become desperate now. I warned myself (whether I'd like to or not) that the therapist may or may not be the fit for me. I also don't expect her to fix me or make me better. I've focused myself on the fact that she may give me some of her knowledge and it is my choice on what to do with it. When I put my thought that way, paying for a conversation with new thoughts was worth it.. it's like buying a book for me. I paid her for her thoughts.

So I can't really say what you should do with your therapist. I just know that so far ( who knows, she may piss me off next week) that it was just right timing for me with this therapist and myself.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you loves treees,

I think you can really relate to my post it seems. In this department I have had bad luck. Back when this began in January I saw a Phycologist/Christian Counselor, she was out of pocket so it was expensive, thank God I only saw her three times, she charged me $300.00 for the initial evaluation, then saw me once more, said "I was not exercising my faith in God" which really upset me! The third session she announced she was leaving town, which probably was for the best since she was not helping me and upset me, but I wanted to give it a chance, what got me angry was she KNEW she was leaving town and instead of calling me and telling me she was leaving in three days, she let me come in the night before and charged $175.00 knowing she was leaving, that was pretty low I thought, she wanted the money and she knew she was leaving and let me come in anyway, I see know {according to the computer} she practices up North and has dropped the "christian counselor" from her title! I felt so used, and betrayed and "had" and she was {or so I thought} a Christian counselor! That was shocking, I am so glad she left, she would of caused more harm than good and I was so very bad at that time, very bad.

A month later I hired someone on our insurance plan, at least its just a co-pay instead of a small fortune, I really wanted it too work! He is nothing like the last one, he seems decent and wants to help, but noone sees an improvement, I wish I could have Davit's therapist too! Its SO hard to find a good one, they are so expensive, and what if they dont help? Its scary.

Maybe its partially me, I never thought he had a "magic wand" but I thought after ten months I would be better. I dont think he really started CBT till about a month ago with me, he would just let me talk and cry my eyes out, and tell me "dont worry" or make lists, I so wanted it too work, maybe my expectations were too high? I dont know, I just want to get better!!

There is a out-patient anxiety/depression clinic nearby me that is supposed to be wonderful, but they do NOT take my insurance {or any insurance for that matter} its all out of pocket and at $200.00 a session we would go bankrupt!! Why are all the good ones so high? You really have to be wealthy do go there, I mean its all out of pocket and that is impossible.

I just hope and pray for recovery through the program and the support of everyone here. It has helped many already, and I want it too help me and all the others on this site.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Debora,

oh boy when i read your post I could relate to this whole thing about finding the right therapist.

When I read your post I looked for any evidence that your therapist validated where YOU are. i.e. where he didn't compare you to others which I agree with everyone else here about, is not his place and is unethical.

I had one therapist tell me their job was not to make me feel better. This was not a good fit with me. My point is that just because someone is a therapist, doesn't mean they are going to be able to help you. And over the last year I have seen many "helping professionals" ranging in background and education levels and none have worked.

I do believe that there are good therapists out there (Davit seems to have one) but that they are rare and hard to find at least so far I have not found one. You mentioned that he seemed "at a loss" for how to help you more. You may very well be picking up on a reality for him and if a professional has integrity they will say "I do not have the skills / time/ knowledge to help you further". But in my expeirence most people will just keep their clients even if they are not the right fit for that person. So it is up to you to decide if this person is meeting your needs. Therapy is such an important part of getting better but there has to be that good fit.

I keep comparing it to getting a car repaired. If you have brand x and keep going to a mechanic that can only fix brand y, you are going to feel let down and upset every time the mechanic uses the wrong method because he doesn't know how to fix your particular brand of car. It would be silly to go to the wrong mechanic, so I tell myself, it is not my fault I cannot find the right therapist. So far everyone has been using the wrong tools with me. I know which tools I need but we dont have anyone where i live that has those tools.

And if only it was as easy as finding a mechanic for my car, I'd have a good therapist but the reality is that it is way easier to find the right mechanic for a car than the right therapist to help me 'fix' me. :)

Davit and others are so very supportive here on this forum. This is a good place to be in my experience.

Keep posting. I wish there was a chat set up on this site as well for topics like this so we could have conversations. oh well.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you All for you're replies, they really helped me tonight, I was feeling really down and dreary and you helped me.

I did lay down Vincenzia and rejuvanate a little, crying makes me so tired I took a nap and relaxed, it helped, I dont like to lay down so late I hope it does not interfer in my sleep but I needed it I could not keep my eyes open, I still walked a little, that was comforting when you said "You're Therapist has gone home for the night but we are all still here" Thanks that was comforting and true. You are right Davit he should not compare, I am hoping, like Sunny mentioned, he was trying to instill in me that life can begin at 50 and it did for this woman and it can for me, but comparing is not good sometimes I know what you mean Davit, everyone is different, it actually did not help when he said it, through he probably wanted it too help, it just made me feel like more of a failure, no two people are alike, I did ask him questions about recovery and what he said was "its a lot of work" were his exact words, and I know that, he did say he understands my body is ravaged by months and months of panic, but I need to try and not give up, which I agree, its hard with no energy and depression but I MUST try.

Thank you for saying you will walk this road with me Davit, I know you have health issues of you're own and I don't ever want to drain or tax anyone, its wonderful when you and the others reach out too me, I feel better, not so isolated and alone. The positive thing is even after the day was not good, I still managed to eat a little healthy dinner and I still walked and took a nap and prayed so I want to keep going! I know unfortunately anxiety and depression go together the good news is they can be conquered and I will work towards that goal, I owe it to my family, the support here for me has been wonderful.

I agree the homework sounds interesting Sunny, I will try it, like Vincenzia says its a form of CBT I guess, did it help when you made the lists? Journaling really never helped me, I dont know why? If it helped you Sunny it may help me, its worth a try, I think the Therapist is trying to help, he thinks I am more depressed now than panicky, but I think some of that is related to perimenopause, I think I may look for a woman therapist, I would feel more comfortable with certain issues. I love her picture Sunny, that is such a relaxiang image, so peaceful and calming, reminds me of my backyard as a little girl, very nice. Thank you for helping me all.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi D: sorry you had a hard day today.

I don't know if this will help or not but I do remember one time after seeing my psychologist how i cried and cried after having something revealed - it was that my creativity was very important to me and how I had blocked it for so long. Anyway, that was a very emotional day for me, but as Vincenza says, it made me look deeper into myself and see what makes me tick.

As for the 95 yr. old. I don't know how your therapist told you about this client, whether he intentionally was comparing (which as Davit writes is not right, you shouldn't be compared) or if he was letting you know that not all is lost by age 50, that some do start over again and are successful, that there is hope, there is a future for 50-yr. olds, so that you can find some kind of inspiration from this person's experience? I don't really know.

The homework sounds interesting. I used to make columns like that, write down what happened (e.g. drove the highway), the physical feelings I had (e.g. racing heart, weak legs, dizziness) and then the next column I'd write down the emotions (e.g. scared, nervous, angry) then I'd write down the calming and positive thought to counter the negative thought. It helped me see where I was thinking negative all the time.

Hope you are feeling better tonight.

Sunny

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Need advice about Therapy, help!