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Falling deeper down the well...I need help...badly

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Falling deeper down the well...I need help...badly

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 25

Dear Shinji,

My heart goes out to you after reading your post. I have been where you are right now, and I'm 27 yrs old; proof that it is survivable even though it does not feel like it at the moment. First, you have learned an invaluable life lesson about yourself here which is that dorm life may simply not be for you, which is not a bad thing. I didn't do the whole dorm thing myself as I knew it was not for me. College life is hard and I am still going through it as I returned to school to get my Bachelors in criminal justice. There is no stress like that which is brought on by seeking higher education. Our parents are from another generation where things were very different, and it is at times very challenging for them to imagine themselves in our place, so please don't let the fact that your parents are being hard on you make you feel like you are not good enough or strong enough to face what you are facing and come out victorious.

You are stronger than you think Shinji. You stepped up and are currently calling out the challenges you are facing which shows a lot of maturity on your part. The first step to problem solving is identifying the problem, which you have done. This semester will only last a short time, and my personal advice to you is get through what you have to right now and finish the classes that you have paid for, and then put yourself into a community college to get your electives out of the way while you are deciding what you would really like to do as that is cheaper and the credits are transferable. Going to a community college does not make you any less intelligent. Infact, attending a community college while you are deciding on your major is a wise move due to the fact that it is much cheaper and you will have more money to spend on the college that you do decide to go to later.

I can also relate to your feelings of being alone and having a difficult time talking to people. One of the methods that worked very well for me in my endeavors to become more social in a healthy way without leaving the house is free online gaming such as www.secondlife.com where you can interact with people from around the world without ever meeting them face to face. It sounds like you need a healthy support system of friends to help you get through this time (as anyone would), and secondlife is a great place to form healthy friendships while enjoying the benefits of a vast virtual world and community. My counselor that I am working with is actually considering opening a counseling center in secondlife, and he is a fabulous therapist.

As for the panic attacks that you are experiencing, this online program we are using is very helpful in learning about panic disorder and gaining coping skills to deal with it. You are young and you have so much ahead of you. Think about where you would like to see yourself in two years when you begin to feel down and set goals to get yourself to where you want to be. No one can tell you what you are meant to do or who you are meant to be, that is your job and yours alone. Just know that you are not alone in your suffering and you are not alone in your journey even when it feels like it. Feelings are real, but they can at times be very deceiving to reality. Stay strong and be the best you that you can be :) I hope you find this advice helpful.

Sincerely,

Tanya

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Shinji, I am on the site right now looking for answers that will help my situation and this is what is helping me most right now - Asking questions about my thoughts like: Is it "true"? How do I know it’s true? How bad would it really be? What's the worst thing that could happen? If the worst thing happened, how bad would it really be?

These are questions that come right from our homework and our toolbox. I'm not certain if you have reached this session yet where we challenge our anxious thoughts. I think it is going to help me get through my morning okay. Best wishes.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Good morning, Shinji. I don't know if this is an option for you but could you listen to relaxing music through headphones when it is quiet time and you need to sleep? I have found lots of free podcasts with a lot of the techniques they use in the program. I admire you for not wanting to leave college. I took a break after high school and it is not easy to go back. I take a couple of classes a year now. I take them online. I really am rooting for you and want things to turn around for you. I know you can do it!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Shinji,

How is it going?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Shinji19,

As an afterthought, I studied in the university libraries and campus reading rooms, since my home was too distracting. There was more enforcement of quiet there, and I'm very sensitive to noise

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi Shinji19,

I remember suffering all the distractions of college as I attempted it. This programme has much to offer to help you focus. The noise issue is probably magnified since you sound more sensitive than the rest, since I imagine the rooms are build with the same materials making them equally noisy.

I worked with someone who had a hearing problem, and could just switch off the noise, but that doesn't sound like your solution.

Hang in there

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Welcome Shinji19,

I am sorry to hear about the difficulty you are having at school. College can be a really challenging adjustment for many and compound that with issues with anxiety and it can be very hard. This program can help with the anxiety you are experiencing. Work on it and you will see results. Pace yourself and set realistic goals.

Sleep is very important and it is impossible to have a healthy mind when you are sleep deprived. Constantly being awakened in the night can seriously disrupt your sleep and overall well being. Finding a solution to this might be an important first step. Have you considered sleeping with music, ear plugs or constant sound which will allow you to sleep through the irregular noises you hear at night? What have you tried to alleviate this problem?

Keep posting we will help you through this. You are not in this alone.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Are there any other conselors you could see in your area off campus or anything?

is there a health centre or YMCA you can call to ask for a list of agencies that offer phone conselling in your area? do you have any teachers from high school you could email or phone to ask to talk to about the stress of picking a major? they might have some insight if you know them and trust them. I am just brainstorming here about places to get the support you need right now.

can someone from the US post any toll free numbers for phone conselling? In Canada it is called kids help phone but I don't know if that is in the US as well.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Shinji19,

Hello. We have not met yet. I have been a member of this site for about a year. I have been dealing with anxiety, among other things for many years but have learned a lot from this site that has helped me think differently about anxiety for the better. I hope I can help some. I hope that my posting shows you that you are not alone. In reading your post, I can say that I have been your age, and I have had unhelpful phone calls with parents that left me more frustrated. It sucks.

You are not feeling good at all right now. Calling parents and telling them things are going badly, that you are scared, and not having them react with the right words, the right empathetic words is really hard.

People will tell you to focus on the present moment and what can you do right now to improve any aspect of your experience right now? Even if it is something like taking a bath or listening to music that you enjoy hearing. Something that can bring your mind to a better place for a while. I remember getting that advice, and I remember being frustated by it. So please forgive me if , like me, you read that and think to yourself "But taking a bath won't help me figure out my college major". its frustrating isnt' it. feeling the weight you feel to choose a college major. the items in the tool box on this site can offer something that will help you through this stressful time. You do not need to figure out your college major tonight (I assume this). What I mean by that is that it can help to take a time out from a stressful decision if it doesn't need to be made right away.

I don't want to blab and blab with advice that may or may not help. but I am here. Many kind people are here to listen to you. Please post as much as you want.

I have always loathed 8 AM appointments or classes. And just last month I read that part of one of the conditions I think I have is not functioning well early in the AM. So that was finally some relief! Here I thought I was "lazy" but part of my experience of anxiety is waking up (anxious) at 4 am fairly often so then getting back to sleep if possible means not wanting to get back up by 7 AM. My point is that anxiety has effects on sleep and functioning that other people may not understand and they might make you feel bad for not being able to function at 7 AM if they are the type that have no problem doing so. And we live in a world where people who are up at "the crack of dawn" are seen as industrious. But we all have our own strengths in our own ways, we are not all the same and not all the same ways work for all of us.

As Davit often says,

here for you,

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1

It's a long story and I don't know were to start but basically i started college in August and it's now November and im doing some what poorly. I stopped going to my math class because it was at 8:00 am and i couldn't get up in the morning because i haven't slept well at all after coming to college. The degenerates in my dorm make noise till the wee hours such as 2-3 in the morning and my roommate snores like a truck. I have mild depression or maybe major i don't really know anymore. I have no friends and have made none since coming here. I don't have a major because i don't know what to do. I don't feel that im good at anything and that i have no hobbies or skills. My parents aren't helping either because i told them that i'm doing bad in 1-2 classes and that i dropped my math class and planned on retaking it in the spring but my mother says "You had no right to do that what if you have a job that requires you to be up early in the morning are you just not going to show" basically i had a verbal fight over the phone with her and she doesn't help at all and just makes it worse for me. I have social anxiety and don't really leave my dorm room except to go get food and attend classes but i am not a member of any clubs or social functions. I don't really talk to anyone and im not sure why its not that im scared i just don't want to talk to people. I dislike the people in my dorm because we have quiet hours starting at 10:00 pm and NO ONE follows them except me probably. They slam doors constantly one after another over and over again for hours it goes on. It gives me a headache and they scream and horseplay in the hallways. I haven't cried any but sometimes i wish i could just because i would probably feel better but i just can't I feel like im in denial or maybe im not i really don't know anymore. I made an appointment to see my campus counsuler but they are booked up until next friday so that was the earliest appointment i could get but that won't do. I need to speak with a counsuler as soon as possible. I don't think they will allow me to go ahead of someone unless im actually considering suicide or something extereme of that nature but i would never consider suicide that is far too extereme. I have been having anxiety and panic attacks over the last week and ever day it gets worse. My parents want me to drop out they tell me that "Im wasting my time" and that "I should just go to a community college" I am ashamed because they spent a lot of money on the college and they can't get it back. I don't see how i could face them at all. There is no one on the campus I can talk to because i have no friends and im not really close with any of my professors. The counsulers are the only ones i would feel comfortable talking too. It's just too much....The beams supporting my mental state are starting to crack and its about to all come falling down on top of me. Im slowly getting worse with each passing day....and i have a feeling that they things i mentioned above are just the start of even more problems to come. I really could use some advice or assistance especially with my parents since im most worried about them. They want me to drop out and i just don't know how to handle it all....It's too much. Im also a freshman in college and im 19 if that information is important to anyone or if it needed to be known.

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Falling deeper down the well...I need help...badly