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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Debora: How's the day going? Thinking of you and hoping you found some fun things to do while they are away today. You are not alone, you have all of us to talk to. Keep the faith,

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

THanks Davit and Sunny

I am sorry I sound negative, I think "that time of the month" is adding to it. I guess I am still mad at myself for allowing my sister to have so much power and credence over me, I will never allow it again, I am not going to take her calls and let her upset me, my husband said "you were doing better and now she brought you way back down the damage is done" I understand what he means I guess I just have to "undo the damage" so to speak, I am really having a problem with the negative/positive dialoug I think, I must stop fighting and learn to float Sunny you are right I will try harder to do that.

Davit I wish I could only remember how I got better last time, what I do remember is going on antidepressants and ending up in ER so sick, I threw them away, got down on my knees and prayed to God for help, just to get me threw Christmas just the holidays, and lo and behold after the holidays the panic and fear did not return I was SO grateful, it was NOT the medicine so it must of been the power of prayer I cant think of anything else I did? All I remember was how wonderful it was for "it" to be gone and grateful I was, now its back with a vengence and I am strarting menopause which probably does not help things.

I was doing better Davit, I went about 10 days without an attack and then I let my sister upset me, she really said some awful scary things about my life and husband and son, and an hour later it all started up again, and believe me I am upset with myself for allowing her to do it, never again, am I just having a setback? or a relapse? I hope its just a setback, I will probably have to start the program all over again since I feel back at square one, I do know I do NOT want to live like this anymore and I want to get better, I just feel like I have lost my way, if that makes sense, I think we all deserve a second chance, but after nine months my hope is fading fast and I am not having much luck getting a new therapist at the moment.

This happened before and it took a year to get better, and then one day it just happened, I hope it happens again, my body cannot take much more of this nor my family, I apologize for sounding so negative Davit and Sunny, I guess my only excuse is I have suffered for so long I "forgot" how to live, the longe it went on the more it got worse and recovery delayed, I have to hang on through for my son I cannot give up, I know there is no shame in falling if you get up, I just have to get up again, I want this program to work for me so badly since meds are out all I have is this and prayer, I must believe it will work.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora.

What did you do last time this happened? What is different? Since this is not working for you you will probably have to go back to what you did last time. I can't understand it. Even for those who have trouble understanding CBT there is still some relief after the first few sessions.

Why are you trying to force this and where does this beating on yourself come from? It is only making it worse. Sunny is very good at relaxation. Her Ideas are good, can you try them.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi D: Your post sounds very negative - you are being very hard on yourself. It sounds to me as though you are still fighting this disorder rather than letting it go and accepting that for now, you will have symptoms and feel unwell. Let's pretend you had the flu. You would have flu symptoms. What would you do? Probably drink lots of fluids and lie down when you felt woozy or weak or nauseaus, headachey. Now let's pretend it was your best friend who felt like this. What would you do for this friend? What would you expect her to feel? Would you expect her to be blaming herself because she is sick? I don't think so. I think you would help her out as much as you could, with understanding and love for her, with patience for the illness to pass. You deserve that same treatment. Love yourself, be kind and gentle with yourself.

If I may make a suggestion, instead of thinking of tomorrow with a lot of anticipatory anxiety, negative thoughts, and fear, what can you plan tonight to help yourself get through tomorrow? That would be a positive way to use your energy rather than worrying and self-blaming.

Give yourself credit for being a wife and mother. You know how to take care of people, now it's your turn. You need to take care of yourself. Tomorrow might be an excellent time to pamper yourself royally. Get your favourite tunes out, favourite foods, favourite books, whatever comforts you the most.

Just a bunch of suggestions, hope you can use some.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi sunny thank you for writing me back I tried to nap but I could not fall asleep. I have been having this since I was 12 yrs old {monthly's} why are I so scared now? I wish it would stop its just adding fear unto fear. I did the breathing I feel very weak right now just like I want to sleep but for some reason I cant probably the stomach pain, I am so mad a myself for going down again I thought I was turning the corner and boom this horrible setback, all the symptoms and fears came roaring back, I think thats why my husband and son made plans all weekend to be gone, I dont blame them I would not want to be around me either I wish I could get away from me, I do understand but being sick and alone is more scarier, there is really noone to call, my friend is in bed and my Aunt is out, I just hope and prays it passes I have a long long weekend alone ahead of me and I better start coping better.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Debora:

I just got online. I was out and about today.

Hope you are starting to feel better. I know some ladies who passed the 8-9 days and were considered healthy. Everyone is different of course. Can you find something to distract yourself? Can you put on a good movie? How about calling someone for a short chat. Time to use some coping techniques. You've probably tried the box breathing, what else have you found works for you?

Keep posting and venting, or journaling.

Could you call a help/distress line and talk to someone about your fears right now.

Does your hospital have a nurse you can call for emergency, to ask questions, to get information.

Try not to escalate your anxiety with negative catastrophic thoughts. Your husband and son will be home soon.

saying a prayer,

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Sunny are online?

I have having a very rough go of it right now. I woke up pancking and and seem to stop. My period is still going on and its day five and that is scaring me usually I am through by now and that is making me anxious, my husband and son went to the movies and I am all by myself, and they are going away tommorow all day for a bowling tournament, I cannot stop shaking and crying, I cant believe this I took my pill listened to my tapes and prayed and nothing is working! should I call 911? my husband will be so mad if I do and the neigbors will see, I hope what I am writing makes sense I am shaking so bad, should this go on so long? its never gone on this long? I am so scared and by myself.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Zen,

I am glad you were able to get through you're anxious episode that is great news! I wish I could of got through mine today. It was a bad one today morning was 2 hrs of symptoms and late afternoon a full-blown, I had almost forgotten how bad they could be I was reminded today and I hope I dont have another one. Do you notice during you're monthly period, right before and through the whole thing you're bodily symptoms and emotions are worse Zen? I guess this would of happened anyway but it made it worse, do you get really tired after an attack like you have to lay down or sleep for awhile? I was wiped out today Zen from it. I was happy to hear you're good progress, I hope with this program and God's help we can get well, if for no other reason for our children. Thank you for writing me.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Hi Deb!

I have been having some days where something feels like its trying to take over my body. Like man, I felt good just a minute ago now this. Today I was cleaning in the kitchen an I started to feel a lot of tension in my arms and back. I would of ran to my bed, but I faced it head on. It was hard at first, but I kept my mind on the cleaning. I stopped here and there to take a few sips of water which helped with that dry feeling in my throat. I learned that we don't get the dame sensations all the time. I could of sworn my heart would of been racing, but it wasn't. Not showing fear or backing down made me the winner this time. I plan to be the winner next time as well. You are not alone. I am just starting out too. We are in this together with all of our friends here.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thanks Sunny and Hugs such insightful words of wisdom from you both. I had some soup and I laid down and fell asleep for two hours! My body must of needed it unless I just wanted to escape for awhile, you are correct the morning 2 hour anxiety and then the evening attack just completely wore me out I just collasped for 2 hours I just wanted to sleep it away. I am having my monthly and its not a bad one and the conversation with my sister just took everything I had, its unfortunate.

I am going to screen my calls from now on and I think its best at least for awhile not to speak to her, she actually this time upset me about my husbands condition and not mine but she has upset me in the past about mine, this is not the first time she has done this and unless I stop it it won't be the last, I love her but I am angry and hurt she pushed me so back today, right now, as my Aunt says, and she has been wonderful too me through this, says I am "too fragile" to hear upsetting scary unhelpful things about things, and "tough love" or "trying to shock me well" is not working it just makes it so much worse, I cant believe after almost 2 weeks I had a full-blown, I am trying not to dwell on it and trying to move on, reliving it and thinking about it makes it worse, I know life is stressful but I will make every attempt to avoid it even if it means not talking to her for awhile, I have to protect myself, does that make sense? right now and trying to scare me was the last thing on earth she should have done whether it was done out of concern love or whatever. I am not recovered yet to fight back I am too weak to handle it right now so I will just leave it be at least till I am healthy and she sees the errors she is making with me.

Thank you for praying for me Hugs and Sunny that is such a wonderful thing too hear, I will try to get made-up and look better maybe I will feel better too! This panic and depression along with change of life is so hard! I just hope and pray I am strong enough to get through it, I gotta stay on my feet so to speak. I am going to try to put today behind me and hope for a better tommorow, sleep helped but I am using that a lot for relief, sleep is good but I am sleeping too much but it does help. I am hoping for a better tommorow and the days too come, thank you for helping me, thank you so much.

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