Thanks Davit, you are right, I was afraid of the fear. And I did feel a relief in a weird way after the panic attack, even though I was very disappointed and embarrassed too. I felt the relief of letting go all that I was holding in during the ride that I made scary. Also, as you say, I do realize that I feel like I survived it.. like, I mean, I'm fine now at this moment even though, it was so traumatic for me then. Thanks for helping me reassure myself of all this. Also, very pretty flowers.
Thanks Ashley for the encouragement. I'm surprised that I am not moping about it as much as I used to in the past. I don't really know what I'd do differently.. I think I'll sit in the very back of the van so that I don't disturb my support person and maybe I'll go back to going on Mondays since I'm more used to that day compared to busy afternoon Saturdays. Other than, that, I think I'd do the same.. As horrible as it was, I did realize a lot from the experience. Sigh..... it's exhausting though.
Good for you for getting through this! I am glad you were able to quickly see the positives and challenge some negative thoughts! It shows how far you have come. Remember that managing anxiety is a life long learning process and this little set back is a great learning opportunity. Sounds like you handled it very well! What would you differently next time? What would you do the same?
You did better than expected. Usually this type of situation brings the negative to the fore front and the potential to panic lingers for days. Read your post again. It was not the vehicle that was the trigger it was the thought that you would panic that made it happen. You did not have it buried far enough to prevent it from happening. So there is no reason to fear riding or even driving. It is that fear of not having control side of agoraphobia. You are not really afraid of the vehicle but of having a panic attack because you had one before. Fear of a fear. Very common.
So how are you going to prove to yourself that there is nothing to fear? By exposure, starting with the vehicle. Slowly. First off by thinking about it. Oh and discard the "what ifs", they are making it worse. Did you notice any relief after the attack? The lead up to one can be worse than the actual attack and like you said it didn't hurt you. It just happened. Do you feel disappointed that you did not handle it better? this is common too. Are you able to say, " it happened and others have happened and it may happen again but since I did not die it can not harm me" "It is just a nuisance". Can you take the power from it.
Relapses are pretty common even in the cured. The difference is in how we handle them.
Heat and fatigue are common triggers, so is any thing that takes how your body feels out of the normal range. Realizing this and what can happen helps. But I think you noticed that.
I wrote about my panic attack from yesterday so those who may be triggered from reading about it: *** warning.
Yesterday, I had a full blown panic attack. It has been a while since I've had one. I was on my way back from the library and it was a very hot day. I was anxious when I left my house because all my traumatic events have happened on hot days in the past and I usually get anxious on hot days, so I was very worried. We were almost home but I felt anxious and I thought if I mentioned that I was anxious I would feel better so I did. Then soon after my support person hit the breaks because someone popped out into the street and I just went hysterical and had a big panic attack. But I realized that if I were the driver, I would've been much more afraid and I felt so bad for my support person. As soon as it happened, I became extremely depressed because I've been doing so good this year with exposure and everything. I swore then that I'll never ride a vehicle again. But after I thought this, I realized that I am still in a vehicle and I will have to stay in one to eventually get home. I also realized that I hadn't died, fainted, peed in my pants, had a heart attack, or thrown up.. which were things I was anxious about during the whole ride. In a sense I thought that I survived and I had mixed feelings from it. I actually felt relieved from the anxious feeling I had throughout the ride thanks to the panic attack. I was exhausted the whole day after that and I even had muscle aches from it. I had a hard time sleeping because the weird feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away. Today, I still feel tired from the lack of sleep but I realize that my anxiety didn't linger on even though it peeks by once in awhile. I am actually thinking I will get on a vehicle again.
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