Hey Everyone!
Im Michelle. Im 21 years old. I had my first panic attack my senior year of high school and i have been haunted by anxiety ever since then. My first panic attack came out of no where,...i was writing a paper on how my emotionally abusive father changed my life with how he has always hurt me and bang...my first panic attack (Yes it also runs in my family...my mom has always battled with it) then for a while things started going well and i started college and for the two years i was in community college, i felt great. Then i graduated with my AA and i had to take some time off, i have been out of college for 1 1/2 semesters now and boy am i having troubles with my anxiety and depression.
One day i was hoping to go out and buy a new pair of shoes and i began to felt extremely dizzy in the car so i thought my sugar might be low so i pulled into a grocery store parking lot. I got out of the car and staggered into the store then all the symptoms occurred...i was going to die. I collapsed on the floor and everyone in the store just walked passed me like i was crazy. I was shaking and crying and one horrible woman grabbed me by the arm and told me i was crazy and dragged me into the corner of the front of the store so the other costumers couldnt see me. I couldnt believe how people could be soo mean. Then finally a compassionate young girl came and helped me and got my phone out so i could call my boyfriend to come save me, she was an angel. I was soo scared and after the panic attack subsided, i couldnt believe how mean people could be...it was a rude awakening. Then i began to get afraid of having panic attacks when im in public places because know one would care or try to help.
Ever since that day i have felt mild anxiety in my day to day life...im afraid of driving in the car alone...and at night...and being in public places and having panic attacks, i feel useless and guilty that im not back in school yet, and i feel like my zoloft (25mg) has stopped working and im hesitant to switch medications for fear of having more panic attacks.
I truely believe i can defeat this. I am going to practice driving by myself more and keep going places by myself instead of trying to always get someone to go with me for fear of being alone. I am an artist, i have my AA in visual fine art. And i will begin to complete the paintings i have started and create a painting where i can channel my emotional anxiety onto paper as a form of art so it is no longer inside me. I also plan on meditating to hopefully find a relaxation or (happy place) i can rely on and continue excersizing regularly.
i would love to find a buddy i can help and relate to and who can encourage me as well.... :)
Hugs!
Michelle!
