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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

I don't watch CNN since it sucks the life out of me. This is where "balance" comes in, and I can see the need to have places to recharge, especially where there are caregiving issues which are draining.

I also see why some people insulate themselves, because it's necessary for their survival. Since I used to take this personally, I can see why it is just a healthy defence mechanism.

Sunny, pace is important since it determines a way to relate to the world in our own way, negotiating where we can, the rates at which we interact without being overwhelmed. Today my body was tired, so I rested instead of forcing myself to do something. I had that choice though.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hello everyone: Yes, Davit, that is soooo true. I didn't realize how "tiring" a relationship with someone was affecting me. I felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time, and that feeling that no matter how much you give (help), it isn't ever enough.

But I know what you are talking about is helping someone and how it might affect you afterward emotionally, kind of draining and leaving you liable to stressful symptoms yourself. A rest period sounds like a good idea.

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Guy.

Caring too much and getting over involved is called vicarious traumatization. It is a problem with those of us who really care. But mostly it is a problem with therapists. I have a number of people I help off site on a regular basis. Some by Email. One by phone and one by regular meetings. The load can get a bit heavy at times but I have developed coping skills to deal with it.

My phone number is available 24/7 if any one needs to talk during panic attacks. I've been lucky, it seldom happens.

Vicarious traumatization sneaks up on you. Any one showing signs of it really should take a break and explain to those causing it why. It usually passes in a few days.

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

Hugs, Sunny, it's mostly self-talk. It's mostly reminding myself of what I want out of life and how much I love her. Instead of looking for evidence of something being wrong, I force myself to look for evidence of things being alright.Really, it's no more than going through those 10 questions so that I can get a clearer look at reality and not just my distorted perception of it.

I'm surprised that I come across as optimistic, to be honest. I do hope for the best. On the forums though, I tend to just state my negative thought and then work out in words the solution for those negative thoughts.

I'd love to write more, but I'm very tired and getting pretty negative. It's hard to fight that when you're tired. Some rest and tomorrow will come and new opportunities will arise. Always thinking of all of you, health educators included. Taking all this in has to have some sort of effect on you and I wish you the best for all you do. It's not really a job someone does for the money. It takes a caring heart with the right measure of practicality to not get over-involved, I think. Special people indeed.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Guy,

Wish you let me know what fuels your optimism! It's truly a gift!

In terms of the tension of relationships, sometimes we have to surrender. That's something I learned by listening(when I'm not as defensive as sometimes I seem. I think I can get around that by word processing first, and then coming back and see if I haven't added some "baggage".)

Surrendering is something which is great for vulnerability too and has really helped in becoming close.

But to get there, it takes the concerted efforts with PMR & box breathing daily with self-care versus the worlds demands playing havoc with my triggers. I fight back with thought records.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Cdn. Guy - I love reading your posts! so full of optimism and positive thought. Your sweetie is a lucky woman.

Hugs4U: I just read everything I get my hands on. The Dance of Anger was quite enlightening even if I didn't think I was struggling with it at the time. It helped me understand some about why people behave the way they do, and it can be applied in other situtations too.

Yes, pls. post a photo of something for us. You were talking about flowers the other day. No flowers around here where I live right now, but I had the last yr's. pic of those flowers I put up.

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 89

To flog an already dying analogy, dancing and fighting are incredibly similar. One person has to submit to the other at some point in time. In dancing, one person may take the lead right from the start and dictate the way the dance will go. If you've ever tried to lead when your dance partner is trying to lead, you'll see how dancing is like a fight!

Ah, well the point I'm getting at is that we are the only ones that can lead our lives. I want to lead my life! These things like anxiety, panic, and depression are really not the core of me. If they aren't me, then why should they lead my life? They shouldn't of course.

I'd be lying if I said there weren't times where they do lead. That's when I have to step up though and take the lead back. No, it isn't always easy. Right at this moment it isn't easy. But I'm doing it.

I have a feeling that this post will be part of my thoughts as I'm dancing with my sweetie at our wedding. She's definitely one who likes to lead the dance, which is good because I suck at dancing! But I'll know that by leading the dance of my life, that I made it to the point where I can dance with my wife.

That was kind of poetic. LOL! Thinking of you all and wishing the best for you in your dance or fight.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Sunny & Davit,

Hate to break the thread of such a hot topic on a Saturday night, but what great pics of flowers you both have!

Maybe I'll take the camera I got for christmas and take something as part of an exposure experiment! I love homework!

Sunny, I didn't read the titles you mentioned. I had looked at Lerner's book in the library once, but I guess I didn't see something for my stage of life. I was usually drawn to insight, but what I need now is to get out...if I had anymore insight I think I'd blow up sometimes, but there needs to be a blend, I guess.

Then there's the whole idea of avoiding anything to do with "dance"(all-or-nothing thinking). I took ballroom, latin, disco with credits to show. That explains the support I got recently, when someone commented on my good grades at a college. The grades I thought were only on my "technical" background, but I have credits in some social dance courses too!

There's some more stuff to add to my core belief list....wonder where that courage went?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hmmmm. Is this the Victorian age where some things are taboo? There are a couple of posts about the curse, (i presume that word is still used) Some about menopause, (i hear that means giving up men) Some about pregnancy, (which I hear doesn't happen from eating peanut butter unless it is in bed.) Oh and some about hormones. Not talking about it probably causes more anxiety than a high school dance. I presume If I get out of hand the moderators will just delete it.

After they stop laughing. Laughter is good for anxiety. But I do promise to try to stick with the format. (try)

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Hugs: Too bad about the washer, it was a wall flower today (you know, didn't want to dance) groan. The other, I'm not touching with a 10-ft. pole. lol

Your friend, Sunny

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