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I feel like a constant burden and disappointment to my family .

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I feel like a constant burden and disappointment to my family .

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Kees,

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story with us. There is lots of great assistance and support here so don't hesitate to post with us. Please know that we are not crisis counsellors and can not walk you through harmful thoughts and actions. This does need to addressed by a medical professional.

Look in your area for clinics, crisis lines and support lines. These can be of great assistance to you and can help with extra support.

Take the time to talk to your Family Doctor and seek their support and guidance. Take a copy of our anxiety test and bring a copy with you. This can help you pinpoint areas to work on and progress through.

The members do know where you are coming from and they can lend a hand.

Josie, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Thank you everyone. I should start by saying that I didn't mean normal for everyone. I just wasn't sure if it was part of my anxiety/panic/agoraphobia, whatever the heck it is. No I am not seeing any kind of doctor other then my regular Primary Care Physician. I sorta kinda told her some of the thoughts, but not really in detail and she put a referral in for me to call mental health psychotherapy, (not completely sure what that is). But I am a little nervous to call because I am afraid that they will have me involuntarily committed or something. I have been trying to do a bunch of research online to find out what I should tell them and what I should not tell them. But I'm not sure what the laws are in my state and I'm not a very good online searcher. My husband is but I don't want him to know how vivid and frequent the thoughts have gotten. Anyone know the laws in Washington State about involuntary commitment?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Keestoo

Hi and welcome to the site. Feeling that it is all just a waste of time is normal in people like me who have a chronic illness that will not get better. Thoughts of burying my car in the front of a big truck, especially if he is on his cell phone and crowding my lane are normal. But they are okay only because I know it is pain talking and I won't do it, it would hurt those left behind and they don't happen that often.

If you are having these thoughts pretty often and you are scaring yourself because you think you might actually do this. Then like ~m says you need to get professional help. There is an acquired mental disorder that does this and I could give you a site to look it up. But unless you can not see some one for a long time I don't want to do this. It would be better for a professional to decide if this is the problem or if it is something else.

I will say this though even if this is what you have it is controllable. You don't have to live with it.

If it is like me only and they are random, CBT will help. If not then stay with us till you can see a professional.

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi Keestoo,

Welcome to the group, glad to have you here.

I've had similar thoughts from time to time, and they also scared the hell out of me. They usually occur when anxiety and/or depression gets particularly bad. I tend to think of suicidal thoughts as more extreme, red flag symptoms. I don't think you could call the thoughts "normal", though suicidal thoughts are more common in individuals suffering from psychological disorders than in the general population.

In speaking with my psychiatrist about it, suicidal thoughts are distorted thinking (I call it garbage thinking), since suicide is not a healthy, rational solution to the difficulties we face in life -- though we might think so at the time. I have never seriously planned or attempted suicide, but was told that I should seek help immediately if my thoughts progressed to that point.

Are you currently seeing a mental health professional? While you don't sound like you're having serious suicidal ideations, I'd highly recommend that you speak about it with a therapist or psychiatrist. At the least, they'll be able to monitor your condition in case it worsens, and might have information and suggestions (medication or therapy) to help you better deal the thoughts.

Take care,

Flint

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Keestoo.... as someone who has dealt with such thoughts and urges most of my life (and received professional help with them) I believe I am not out of line to be blunt about the answer. No... these are not "normal" thoughts. Although many people do struggle with these kinds of thoughts, they should not be taken lightly or considered a normal part of life. Are you seeing a counselor... doctor... psychiatrist ??? There are many reasons for these kind of thoughts/urges/feelings.... sometimes it's about chemical or hormonal imbalances. I urge you to see someone about them asap. You are not a terrible person for having them and I assure you, they can be brought under control.... just don't ignore them hoping they will go away. Get help.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Well if I am ok to talk about anything at all then I have a question. Does anyone else have thoughts of hurting themselves? It's not like I sit at home and have thoughts of killing myself or even hurting my self while I am at home. But any time I am driving anywhere near a freeway or any high speed area I have these vivid, terrifying, almost like TV clips, of me whipping my wheel right in front of a semi truck, or driving right off the bridge, or into a pole. Then last night I was riding with my husband, who I am usually cool to ride as long as the music is off and only one person is talking at a time, and I saw myself open the passenger door and jump on in front of the car next to us on the freeway. Scares the hell out of me. Mostly because I think about how my husband and kids would feel. And all the thoughts about what people would think or say about me, "I knew she was crazy" How embarrassing for my kids that would be. So I guess my question is...Are these thoughts or TV clips normal? As normal as all this can be.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice. I will do my best to do those things. It is just hard knowing that my husband and I just bought a house and now all the pressure is on him. But I guess if I take time to do these things now then I will be able to work long term, and if I don't then it will be short lived and just get worse in the long run.

Thanks I will keep checking in.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hello Keestoo: Welcome to the site. Hope you study the CBT program and practice all the relaxation and coping skills which are taught. I find them very helpful in calming myself when needed. Hope to hear from you again.

Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

great advice Debi.... welcome Kees :) You have come to the right place for understanding and support. Last time I was in a total funk and ready to quit everything... Debi (and others here) wrote that it was OK to take a break and I needed to do something just for myself.... I scoffed in my mind.... "oh, sure" ... and yet I did as she suggested... took a bath... gave myself a day to just be and boy, i really felt better. So simple and yet something we often don't do for ourselves (and we are the only ones who can do it for ourselves).... give yourself a break and allow yourself to just be for some part of everyday.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 152

Hi Keestoo,

your real friends will understand (or try to) your husband is probably worried about you, and your son just loves his mum, you are getting anxious by what you think others are thinking but they may not be thinking that way at all, and blow it if they are you cant be everything to everyone all the time, you have to take some time out to get yourself feeling better.

I know exactly what you mean about trying to be normal around some people thats exactly how i was and it was exhausting and i also loved being at home because as you say you can just be yourself, but that wont make you happy all the time as you know you are missing out on some things that you pobably love to do, after a while i just stopped pretending, i put it on facebook, told some friends and my work collegues and who ever doesnt like it are probably not good for me anyway, just take a little time to do one thing you enjoy each day, even if you start out not going anywhere and just paint your nails, read a book, take a bubble bath just little things for you.

Your Friend Debi

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I feel like a constant burden and disappointment to my family .