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Breaking Down the Walls


13 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Spartan,
 
It is in you.. we can see it.  The members are right, do start the program fresh and take it slow.  You will get to the exposure therapy section and it can help you with leaving the house, becoming more motivated and helping with driving.  One goal at a time and you will succeed gradually.
 
Ask questions, we are here to help..we have faith in you!
 
Josie, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi hugs4u, I like your name and thanks for responding to me! 
 
First thing I'd like to say is I like how you noticed my name, and thought that maybe Helen of Troy could come out in me.  The reason I chose the name Spartan was because of a video game hero haha! I'm not sure if you're familiar with the Halo series but I'm a huge fan, and the main hero's name is Master Chief and he is a super race of humans called Spartans. His codename is Spartan 117. I've always wanted to be a hero, and I used to be quite the leader before this anxiety took over my life.
 
Anyway, sorry to hear that you've had such a hard time with people and negative experiences. I would type more right now but I'm having a really bad panic attack, and I just want to go lay down. So sorry! :(
 
And ~m, sometimes I have a hard time believing that I can do this but my husband and family give me hope.
13 years ago 0 4027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
 
Hi Spartan,
I'm going to take a baby step, and welcome you back, although it's taken since 2009 for me to venture posting.

Sounds like things are taken a negative turn, temporarily.

I’ve cycled into a similar pattern with GAD, with negative thinking, finding it hard to do things like go out, after a number of major life events.

Fortunately, for now, I can work incrementally with someone and make progresss, and eventually challenge my negative thinking, which is keeping me inside, fearful of where I park my car if I do go outside, of even seeing family members outside my parents home or acknowledging achievements. Yesterday I spent the day in pj’s. I left work sometime ago, and people used to just laugh at me since my fears were comicable to me, but I could leave that toxic situation, with support and a career which was close enough to the end of my need to leave. I don’t have any friends, and have lived my whole life in one large city, haven’t seen a movie since 2007, rarely eat out(and could afford to), and the best I can do is McDonald’s(hold the tartar sauce on the fish fillet and hold the salt on the fries...in case you send me one!). 

Once a mean-spirited woman suggested i should be perfect after all my hard work in CBT, etc. Another person once asked me if I could speak, since I didn’t respond in time to her impatient question! Ouch...

There’s a lot of  positive support out here, and around us, and with a few small steps, with a focus on incremental growth , we can  steer ourselves  eventually  back on course.   There’s so much I have to draw on, but when I had to overcome my added weight, the wonderful  dietician recommended “progress” over “perfection”.

With a name like Spartan, maybe the Helen of Troy will be released in you...how would that feel?

13 years ago 0 376 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
oops... sorry.  I meant to ask if it was something you believed you could do. 
13 years ago 0 376 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Spartan... welcome back!  Seems to me, NOW would be a really great time to start over on the panic program.... take the tests again, begin at Lesson 1, do the homework.... ideally (if I remember correctly) it is a 12 week program.... how about that?  You have perfect timing in coming back here now.  Three months before you have to go to work.  Three months to work the lessons.  Worth a try?  What's to lose?  I believe you can do this.... 
13 years ago 0 49 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi everyone,
 
I haven't been here in a little while, and I'll admit that I've been ignoring this great place because I was in denial. I tried so hard to deny that there was anything wrong with me, and that I didn't need help...and that I could just lay around on my couch all day and be comfortable and do nothing, and that could be my life. Reality has set in though and I need to go back to work by May or June of this year, or else my husband and I will really be facing financial difficulties. 
 
My problem is that I've allowed myself to become a total shut in. I am so frustrated because I KNOW that I need to get out and do things like go for walks, meditate, practice deep breathing, and exercise but I just don't do it, I don't do any of it. I have more than enough time to do it! In the 7 or 8 hours I stay on the couch each day I could be doing so many things, and they pop into my head and my mental response is "meh". I just don't know what to do with myself anymore! I need to change and get better and I know it, I'm so sick of being like this, but how can I do that when my response to everything is "meh"? I am paralyzed by fear, I'm terrified of leaving the house alone. I'm so scared of driving that I have let my driver's license lapse by 2-3 months already. I am so scared of even going for a walk by myself (a quick walk, down the street and back) - if I can't do that, how am I supposed to be working by May or June?? I'm so lost, and fed up...I feel like I'm stuck because I have no hope.
 
Thanks for reading, 
Spartan


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