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difficult day affecting my outlook

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Galactic_Butterfly.

If you look up and read Attachment theory it will help you to understand why you do this thing that you don't want to. It won't cure you but it will give you a starting point and an understanding of why you are the way you are. And you can definitely change that. Some other things worth reading are passive aggressive, and assertive verses aggressive. You can find information in some of the past posts on these things by using the search feature.

Here for you.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2

Hi everyone,

I am currently in an abusive relationship. I have been in abusive relationships my whole life, from childhood forward. I have spent years in therapy and in groups etc. evolving myself in all the ways that I can. I am frustrated because even after all the work I have done on and with myself, I still cannot seem to escape these patterns of mine where I am so sad inside, desperate to feel loved, cared for and wanted, that I end up in relationships with people (friends, romantic and professional) where I am undervalued, degraded and disrespected. I know it should be a no brainer, in that I should just get out and move on, but it is clearly not that easy. I am aware of all the theoretical components of my dilemma: I am co-dependent, have major abandonment issues, gravitate towards narcissists, have destructive and harmful core beliefs etc. Despite knowing better in theory, I am really struggling with the manifestation of change in my life. I have a decent amount of both professional support and some honest conversation with friends, but still feel alone, scared, and debilitated from being the best that I can be. I am searching for some genuine conversation and support. I expected myself to be over this issue by now as I am in my thirties, but seem to be really stuck. Is there anyone out there who has gone through/is going through similar things? Does anyone have advice?

Blessings and grattitude

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

thank you!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Thank you for believing that we care. We really do, and yes it can happen to and for you too. As you have noticed. Believe and believe strong, that is why I am here, to remind you that this is for everyone not just some. I believe and I believe in you. I know you can do this and will always be here to tell you so if you start to doubt.

Here for you.

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Thank you for the words of wisdom.... I know you are right. But, just reading the positive things you said I should tell myself makes my stomach wobbly and my skin itchy. That's not right. I AM going to change that bad habit. What possible purpose does it serve? I would never treat someone else the way I treat myself and/or let people treat me.

I do have some good news though because today was particulary windy and fierce, and I stayed mellow all day... I didn't avoid by blaring the TV or sleeping all day... I was aware of the wind and just shook my head and moved on. Ta daaaaaa! I knew what you guys were saying was right...that setbacks happen... and you move on. But I just thought it happened for other ppl. LOL. It really happened for me today. It feels good. Really truly good.

Thank you, thank you all for believing for me when I could not.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Do you want to know what I think? I think we all just over-think everything too much! It is exausting isnt it!

"normal" people have their ups and downs...but do they dwell on the highs and the lows like us?

~m.....I know how you feel, I really do, but try not too be too hard on yourself.

If a dear friend of yours had your disorder, and she told you she had a setback when dealing with one of her phobias, I bet you would say to her "Its ok, you are working hard, you are doing all the right things, and sometimes this stuff just happens." I also imagine you would tell her that you are there for her, that you still like and appreciate her.......you would never say she disgusted you ..so why think that of yourself? I'm on your side..you have made such progress...you are a wonderful human being and I'm proud of you. Try saying those things to yourself...try being a friend to yourself. I'm just learning how to do this with myself, so I know its not easy, but I'm reaping the rewards..and you will too!

Your friend,

Juanita

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Thanks for the reminder ...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 20

Hi M

Don't be embarrassed about the "craziness" and setbacks. There are good days and bad days and, unfortunately, there always will be. But I promise that if you keep working on it, there will be many, many more good days than bad in the future! Work on challenging the anxious thoughts with the tips you learn from the program here. It helps the bad days be fewer and easier to deal with when they do come.

It definitely is exhausting........ But, hang in there!! We're here for you.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Thank you for this thread... as always seems to happen here... someone writes about something I'm currently struggling with. I NEED to be reminded about the setbacks being OK. I was totally disgusted with myself this week because I freaked out about the wind again. It was just in December that I had this big breakthrough about why I freak over high, sustained winds... as they were a precursor to disaster. I've been handling the wind ok... meeting my fear head on. And then bam... this week none of my new "tricks" worked... I just got totally wound up and freaked out about the wind. I thought I was cured of this embarrassing craziness.

gawd this is exhausting.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 24

Maggie thank you so much for your encouragement and for your advice. I am going to carry around a notebook with the various phrases. That is such a good idea.congratulations on going to Disney! You are ready to tackle anything! And I believe you will. I am going to take your suggestions and hope it helps get that fearful feeling to shrink. Thank you ashley for the suggestion to use the attack more as a tool.I am going to try and use that strategy. Sunny thank you, I like the idea of the license plates, I really do like distractions to help calm me down so that is a good one for me to try I think. Thank you for the encouragement. Sunny ll. You are right 3 weeks ago I couldn't drive alone even 5 minutes. I guess sometimes I forget to look back on achievement and advancement I only focus on what could happen. Congrats on breathing out the panic today! That's a huge step. Debi, thank you for bringing up a good point. I have had good times and plenty of them. And I want to have more so I'm going to try to stick with the positives. I am here for you if you need anything. Thank you everyone for sharing with me and reminding me that I'm not alone in this and that setbacks are normal and actually may help me deal with the panic attacks. I am going to try to stick to positives even though I still feel the overwhelming negative thoughts come creeping back. Thank you for you support Summer

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difficult day affecting my outlook