It truly is a great feeling isn't it. You don't have to explain it, I know the feeling where every thing is just as it should be. When I start to slip I drag up this memory and It keeps me going. The good moments are coming more often now. The first time it happened I nearly fell off the tractor, Every thing was clear and good and just so right. A year went by before another day like that happened, and then another and another. My life isn't filled with them (who's is) but you are right it is good to have been born. I'm holding on to that day on the tractor today because today is not so good. Looking forward to the next one.
Yesterday was my day to step back and appreciate my little bits of progress. I didn't even do anything special. It was just a moment ... all day really ... where I took a deep breath and appreciated me. Yesterday was my birth day... and for the first time on any birthday I've EVER had ... I realized I was glad to have been born.
This is really huge for me. Really, truly a big deal. I don't want to go into all the "why or how" just please believe that this is a huge change in perspective for me. It has come as a result of working this program... all the little steps I've taken... questioning the negative thoughts, checking the validity, changing how I think about myself in just the smallest ways. Being given the hope and coming to believe that we can change my brain. The "we" is this program and every contributor here. I could not have done this by myself. I did not have the necessary understanding or confidence until being inspired by yours.
I wish I had the words to explain better. I just don't right now. But this thread really caught my eye and I wanted to share that I am feeling a very strange sense of peacefulness at my core. Oh, I know there is more work to be done, but right now... I am marking this layer of positive ... and it's awesome!
Being present to how much you have achieved often is so important. Choosing a day to celebrate is amazing but also everytime you can take a step back and appreciate the little things can be a great reward. It doesn't even have to be a concrete thing you do our a celebration; just pause and really feel everything you are feeling. Take a deep breath and appreciate your success... Now I'm smiling! How are you feeling?
I love it! The idea of an 'I'm Free Day "once a month sounds so pleasant and what a great way to remind us of how far we have come...no matter what stage we are at....
I'm going to try to think of somethngs to do to celebrate....I'm not very original, so bring on your ideas guys and I may just copy some. Esp. chocolate cake! Yum!
Oh I have one for me..when the weather gets better I could get a cup of tea and take to that wharf downtown..sit and watch the birds,boats and water.. That will encompass both my success, (having mastered my fear of the wharf/water)and be peaceful at the same time.(hopefully)
Great idea! at this point the "i'm free" day is more (or at least as) meaningful as a birth day. A celebration of being alive is good, a celebration of being free and happy is great.
the last day of the month is a good idea. What should we do with the "i'm free" day? As per my online name, I would schedule some time outside to be with trees, which I find very peaceful and centering. Also chocolate cake comes to mind! other ideas? This is fun to think about !
Why just one day? Why not one a month as a reminder. An "I'm free day". Of course it is hard to pick a day since when the freedom actually occurred is hard to tell. Think I'll pick the last day of each month, since the next day is a new month and the beginning of the rest of my life free to do as I please. (within reason) Besides New Years is already taken. Sort of a reality check, a "how much better am I day". Anyone want to share it with me?
My holiday experience did feel like tremendous success. To answer Ashley's question, it was actually odd to walk around family gatherings knowing I had reached a huge monumental milestone in my life and no one around me knew it. Since no one knows I was dealing with anxiety no one knew the success I was feeling inside.
It would have been nice to share the joy i was feeling inside with someone but that is why I consider this site so valuable. You are such good hearted people here and your support means the world to me.
Ashley you got me thinking. Because no one in my life is privy to my success, I havn' really celebrated it like i should. it is at least as meaningful as the things our culture does deem celebration worthy (birthdays, new jobs, etc..). To be able to manage anxiety and be freed from having it run my life each day is huge. I am going to think up a way to mark this for myself somehow.
Thanks for posting your success. We all need to hear and read about success stories here in the forum...Reading your story helps us all realize that we can all get better. We all learn from each other. It really helped me when you said "When others around me were negative in their words, I didn't believe them, I just automatically thought "thats their belief, not mine"...
I will keep this in the back of my mind when dealing with this type of situation...Kind of like a mantra...
Hi Loves trees: Right on! I completely get what you are writing and that's how I started to look at people and situations too. Another thing which helped me was thinking about how we are all on different paths to the same place, happiness. And that we are all at different stages of this path to the place, happiness.
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