Hi Red
I am going to tell you about what happened to me. If you remember, I asked women out and she said that after our next yoga class that we would go for a walk and coffee. In my mind, I was preparing for frustration in that I considered the possibility that we went out and it did not click it would be over and I was fine with that. The second possibility was that we go out and we become good friends and I was fine with that. The third possibility was that she would not show up to the yoga class. This goes to my core belief that people treat me as defective, mentally ill, dangerous because I am mentally ill. The third possibility was fed by my negative core belief about how others see me. If she did not show up it was because she was avoiding me and thought I was mentally ill and dangerous and she did not want to associate with me.
While I bet you can guess what happened next, she did not show up to the yoga class. I was instantly propelled into my negative core belief of myself because as I said above if she did not show up she was avoiding me on purpose. At the time when I first found out that she did not show up I instantly reacted from my negative core belief. I have learned that we are allowed a startle reaction to the situation and that is what happened at first. However, since I now recognize this as my core belief after the initial startle (she avoiding me because I am mentally ill) I started possessing the entire situation because I had identified my startle reaction as coming from my negative core belief.
I started thinking that she does not know I am mentally ill. She just bought a house and maybe there was another explanation for her not coming to yoga class. People do thing that annoy us, not to annoy us. Even if she did not show up and I am right, about how I think she was thinking then the event is over and I have to change my attitude towards it. That my whole explanation of why she did not come is possible but not probable, that I had identified the reason why she would not come, came from my negative core belief. I know that my belief that some people are going to treat mental illness as a negative but not all people. I guess what I am trying to say if you have identified a negative core belief right now you are allowed a startle reaction when someone cause you to think negatively, we are not perfect and should not expect a perfect initial response to a situation.
However because I have identified my negative core belief I was able to process what happened from a different perspective. I guess I was you using the thought sheet in my mind at the time. After processing as I said above I was not left in my negative core belief and ruminating about it for the entire day. I was able to come up with alternative explanations because I recognized my belief about what happened was created entirely in my mind. There is no proof of my belief yet, and if my belief is right it is her problem not mine people that know me say I am funny and a pleasure to be around.
To answer you I had an initial set back a startle reaction how I kept it from causing me anxiety, as I was able to process it in my mind challenging my belief. I have decided that no matter what the actual truth is that I am not going to isolate myself from other people because I realize that my isolation come from my negative core belief and I can now challenge it. The way to challenge the negative thought is to become proficient in it is to use a thought record in your mind at the time it happens. I bet you can come up with alternative explanation to your negative thought, and if you cannot decide to not process it until you get home and use the thought sheet provided. The more and more you do it the easier it becomes and just doing it once will not get rid of your core belief. I think that you may have some kind of core belief about isolation and you have to decide to challenge it a kind of exposure if you will. This is why I am still on session three because many of my problems come from the bottom of the toolbox about relationships or lack of them. I did read session four and I guess just asking this person out was exposure for me.
I will tell you one thing is that I sure did not want to write this but I also believe writing it is exposure to my thoughts.
You friend
Dizzy
