I will admit I have read Chapter 1-6 several times and have really begun doing my homework. I put up the forms in my Iphone. I will admit it that I don't sometimes do them immediately just because where I am, etc. Well I really don't know how to go about this - whether I am asking for help or just venting out, but here it goes. My anxiety is as follows: I have been afraid that my anxiety will lead me to something. I feel like I will hurt myself, commit suicide, afraid I will have depression, or go crazy. I know these are core negative beliefs. I am believing less and less about these things now. Is anyone else afraid of getting depression?
Let me give you all a quick recap about myself:
I went to a psychiatrist first for help with my anxiety about 2 months ago. He started me immediately on Lexapro (3 weeks on 5mg and the rest on 10mg). I was afraid that he would start me on medication, even though I don't feel like I need it. I have been taking it for about 2 months.
Then about a week later I started to see a psychologist after seeing the psychiatrist. I was went to him for 4 sessions and have not gone back. Reason I did not go back was because I felt good and he really did not tell me anything new or anything different than I did not know. I told him about this program and he just nodded his head. He did not make me go through any of the things that are in this program, all he did was listen to me and tell me some stories.
Now about the last month or so I did not have any anxiety attacks or many negative thoughts. Then one day I reminded myself of anxiety and the physical sensations and then I started to have it all over again. I was able to recover it seems within a few days after reading this program again and also I read several things from anxietycoach.com. To be honest I get confused when I don't have anxiety. Strange as it may sound but sometimes when I don't have anxiety I kind of miss it??? I seem to be a little lost because I don't know what I should think of. Normally I am thinking of anxiety or playing the role of a psychologist where I think about why others or myself have or had anxiety, etc.
I am a little lost: When I stop reading or thinking about anxiety then I don't have it or have very little of it. Then I try to do some exposure work or work myself up about anxiety then I start having it again. I don't know how I should keep working on the homeworks or the program? Also recently I have not been having any physical sensations (thanks to this program where I am allowing myself to feel it and then eventually it seems to become less and less of a problem for me) so when I have anxiety it does not feel the same. I feel like I am dreaming rather going through anxiety because I don't have any sensations just that I realize that I don't like my negative thoughts. I then question whether I should go back to my psychologist or find another one. I know deep in my mind I want to quit taking Lexapro so I want to go to my psychiatrist and ask him to reduce my intake and then eventually completely come off. What are your thoughts on the psychologist and the meds.
Sorry to rant on and on but I seem a little lost or confused - I feel a little empty.
