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Can´t sleep... again

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Davit and KT: Yes, you touched on something for me too. That is so true about going to bed late when I know I have to do something the next day that I don't want to do. I know I'll be tired the next day but I don't want to go to bed because tomorrow will come. sheesh. so true. I need to work on that too. I'll be looking for suggestions.

Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Any idea how you are going to deal with this now? Since you know why you do it. One day at a time or in this case one sleep at a time. There are people that believe sleep is wasted time so bad that they can't and then end up wasting the day because they are sleepy. If you are doing this you have to weigh the consequences in each hand and see which one you want to do.

Any way I hope my babbling and your thinking will lead to a reason you should sleep and then you will be able to.

Here for you,

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 18

You know, you really have touched on something so true there, Davit. I am most definitely afraid of tomorrow coming sooner. For as long as I can remember, I have dreaded approaching commitment (school, work, an early day that I would never choose as a die-hard night owl), so much so that I often avoid doing ANYTHING in the hours/minutes leading up to whatever the "have to" situation is. I used to work for a retail company that used "on call shifts" where I would have to call in an hour beforehand, often to find out if I was needed to work a nine hour shift (I think we can probably agree that is just a little ridiculous), or if I had a full day off. I remember I would be weeping on the phone waiting for an answer. When I worked nights it meant that my entire day was spent sitting on the couch, eating, taking little naps, watching TV, and relishing the time I had saved for myself to be commitment-free. Of course, this meant that I literally did nothing on my time off, and in fact that's a pattern I have continued to this day. Even when I avoided going back to work (for nearly a year and a half), my time was spent in my apartment just soaking in avoidance, or what I termed "relaxation" for so long. Nothing like looking forward to a day off every day, even though I accomplished nothing. So I guess it makes perfect sense that I would keep myself from sleeping when those are the hours I need to spend knowing that I have them, even if what I really want is to "relax". Yes, in allowing myself to sleep I am welcoming the coming commitment in which I have trapped myself, or at least that's what I've told myself for a long time now. I must have told myself that so much that it became an automatic response. It feels like a countdown to doom, and it makes my time to myself pretty unenjoyable. I sure would like to get back some real enjoyment, and not the fake stuff, which is really just avoidance of my life and the potential I know I can reach.

Wow. That really is something. The babbling is so welcome and comforting, thank you.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Of course it makes sense, remember I've been there. At some point you are going to have to admit (yes I said admit) that if you sleep nothing bad will happen, Like why should it. Yeah I know that if you sleep tomorrow will get here sooner. But you are going to have to face tomorrow any way so you might just as well sleep. So have you figured out why you can't sleep. There has to be a reason, there always is. Of course there could be a physical reason too. So you complain and I'll babble and together maybe we will find out what is keeping you awake.

Here for you.

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 18

Thanks Davit. I wish I could say that I find the anxiety interesting, but I don't quite think I'm there yet. Last night was pretty terrible. I literally did not sleep more than ten minutes at a time before I jerked myself awake... all night. I know I'm supposed to be patient, but barring completely screwing up my sleep schedule by falling asleep whenever I feel like it, the exhaustion that results makes the depression part of all of this pretty unbearable. There was a moment last night when I literally told myself I would never sleep properly again, and that pretty much scared the living daylights out of me. I really don't mean to dwell, and I would pretty much do anything at this point to keep from spiraling further, but I don't know how to turn my hope that I will sleep into me letting myself sleep. Does that even make any sense? Ugh. Somehow there's always some new safe to crack. Then I feel like I'm just complaining all the time. Which I am.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Have you got to the point where the road is interesting not just scary. You sound more accepting. This is good, you will get there it just takes time.

Here for you

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 18

Hi again. I was out of town for a conference over the weekend, and I actually slept more than 8 hours each night--I found that I was able to make excuses, like, "Oh, it's okay, I still have two days to sleep before I have to think about getting up early again." But what I've also found is that by thinking that way what I was really telling myself was that I could put off the anxiety until tonight, when I have to get up early tomorrow--and of course, as soon as I got home I had a panic attack thinking about it. I had a good cry, which generally helps me break the tension, but I do feel a little out of sorts tonight. I'm trying to stay hopeful, and I've been doing the homework. Thank you again, everyone, for your kind words. Reading from all of your perspectives is definitely helping me feel less abnormal, even if the road ahead of me is long and arduous.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

I'd like to clarify something here so people don't think they are failing.

The program takes on the average twelve weeks to work your way through it and build the tools you need to cure you. And as you can see you do get relief in that period but it takes extra time to fine tune the tools to your specific needs and it takes time to imbed them in your mind so they come automatically. It also takes time to really believe, especially if in the past it didn't seem to work. It helps that we have people here that it did work for and is working for as inspiration. So if it is taking longer than you would like just remember that in the end you will have freedom. It is worth the time put in. And as an example, It took me over two years, but I was really bad with some core beliefs going all the way back to my childhood and I also had a person in my life reinforcing the negative beliefs. The good news is that no matter what any one says that is negative now, I know if it is or not. So relax and work at your own pace, The time is well spent and it will start to pass faster and soon you will be free.

Here for you,

your friend.

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

KT,

I have also gotten to the place where I'm doing a lot better and stop working so hard to permanently recover from my anxiety. This just happened to be last year - in December and January I was doing terrible, and that's when I first joined this site. Then things improved, and I didn't log in for a couple of months, only to suffer a major flare up when I started my job up again and moved away from home.

I definitely still have that underlying fear that anxiety may always be looming in the background ready to come back and take over my life at any time. But this time I'm committing to still working through all that this program suggests, even though things have improved some in the last few weeks. Every time there is a relapse, I have to remember that I have more tools in place to cope with it and recover from it. And all the recent discussions on here about identifying and changing negative core beliefs have helped me realize that I can fix some of the underlying reasons for my anxiety, and that it's not just going to jump back out at me from out of the blue.

I tell you all this in hopes that it will help you believe, as I have learned to believe, that you can make a full recovery from this! Try working through the program again, and use the coping mechanisms and worksheets to help you through those rough mornings. And always feel free to post here - I've found that one of the most helpful things of all!!

Take care,

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

You are definitely not alone. Mornings are the worst times for me, in general.

I think you have a very good realization and awareness of what is causing this panic. Everyone else had very good suggestions and insight. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

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Can´t sleep... again