Davit,
I don't think i even have to hesitate. yes i have attracted people who have problems they don't want to do anything about. yes. i want to change this. for years i repelled positive people. i actively disengaged from them, i can point to at least a few that i had to stop talking with because their positive outlook was something i was not ready for yet. their positivity drew out every one of my negativity core beliefs or dragons. so i lost some opportunities there. i see that now.
i've been more comfortable around people who've been through some crap in life because i've been through some crap too. but i guess the key difference is that i've been trying to overcome or at least address my issues not wallow in them fully. i've made big changes in my life that took a lot of courage to end relationships and change things that were not working in my life.
now i think i am shifting over. i'm more comfortable around positive people than ever before. i have found out what you said - that positive people are more cautious about who they let in. i don't always know how to act around them, i am like an awkward teenager on a date sometimes around them it seems. i know i have to 'be myself' but i guess that will become more comfortable over time.
right now i still attract more negative people than positive people. my own anxiety prevented me from seeing this i think. i was busy being anxious. i didn't see what they were doing (or not doing). now that my anxiety is being monitored by me, i havve freed up some ability to see the people in my life for who they are , what they want with me and whether i agree about what they hope to share with me or not.
right now i have some anxious thoughts that i will "blow it" with a positive person i've started being closeer friends with. i'm so unpracticed at it. i have to think about what i say around her just because i think sometimes i revert back to being defensive or false self out of habit. i dont want to scare her off. i know its not the end of the world if i do but unlike so many other people in my life, she is actually fun to be around, inerested in me, and expresses concern if i say i am not feelign well for example or something like that. i know i can't hold on to her anymore than you can hold on to sand in your hand by holding on more tightly. but its tempting to try to exert control or use my anxiety as my compass which is what i did prior to this program.
this is really helpful to think about the stuff you post here.
or a frown. i don't have to look in the mirror I can feel it.
I want the world to see that I am content and happy with me. I remember a person sitting with us at coffee, She was in a hurry and just taking a quick break. She had moved into her boyfriends big house and was cleaning it. She made the statement " I don't know why people want big houses, they are so much work to clean." There was a smile on her face and she was enjoying her coffee. The same statement with a frown would have changed our reaction completely. She was only making a statement. Not complaining. I want to be able to do this.
