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Negative Core Beliefs - Examples

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Negative Core Beliefs - Examples

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

When I was younger and people would say "you're weird" it would make me cry, I would fret and wonder what makes me weird. I'd try to change myself to be "like them". As much as I tried to change myself the real me kept pushing out. If there's one good thing about aging its this: I feel better about myself now.... Just the other day a co-worker said "you're weird" in a laughing way. (I had said something..can't even remember what) I just laughed and said Ya!

I want to jump into this fruit basket..I'll be a banana! I know now that some of you out there are saying"weird"..hahaah, but that's ok!

Cleo

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 659

Shari,

There is also something else you may want to look at when you are feeling rejected. The 10 questions list may be helpful when trying to determine if you are really being rejected or not. For instance when taking my first quilt class it took a while for the other women in the class to warm up to me and accept me into there group. I think we just needed time to get used to each other. It wasn't that they didn't like me or were rejecting me. By the time the semester ended they were getting more friendly and coming up and helping me with my project. When I sign up for the class again next month and see them all again they will already have gotten to know me a little and this next exposure with the class should be easier for me and them too. If you try the 10 question list. Ask yourself do I really know that they don't like me? Do I know that I will not Fit in? Do I know that I will be rejected and that these people will never accept me? If you answer is a 100% Yes than your negative thoughts are founded in truth and if you answer is No than you will need to expose yourself to the situation you are afraid of to find the answer. This is one way of doing exposure work and I find that most of time that my anxious and negative thoughts and not true. It all goes back to your negative core beliefs and if you want to change them you will need to challenge them and do some exposure work. This way you can find out what is true and what is not and replace the negative with positive. I hope this makes sense and helps you in some way........

Red

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

Words can't express my deepest appreciation of all of your kind words, wisdom, and understanding. Thank you for all of the positive statements that I will tell myself when rejection tries to rear it's ugly head. I know it will take time, but I will overcome. It's good to know I am an orange and I have other orange friends :) I will ignore the apples from now on. I understand about being a little bit not you, so you can be a little bit them, but still remain who you are. I've lost myself in others before, by completely blending in with everything they like and who they are. I believe it's called codepedency. I'm not codependent anymore. I can still have interests in others and share their interests without losing myself in the process. Thanks again for everything.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Shari

Good question.

Your back to your core belief that you are not good enough. I can relate to this. Rejection? So now you realize that everyone has these core beliefs. You know that you are a good person so it is not you. It is them. It is there emotions not yours. If they feel dislike. It is more than likely jealousy or something unfound toward you. It is there problem not yours. People are all different. You are a very fine "orange" as am I but in a crowd of "apples" we are just not going to fit. But being still people we should be able to associate and find some thing in common. So since you are a smart, capable, honest person , just an "orange", it doesn't matter if the apples reject you. See you still have bits of that negative core belief affecting you. It is pretty deep seated and is going to take awhile to get rid of it. But you now know there is nothing wrong with you, so quit looking. When you get rejected accept that it is there belief not yours and there is nothing you can do about that. Just be you.

This is where you sometimes have to be a little bit not you so that you can be a little bit them, but never totally let go of who you are. I'm getting a little deep here.

Your friend

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 42

shari,

i can sympathize with how you feel. i have the same thing with my mother.

she is controlling and a perfectionist. she tells me i do everything wrong.

i think you are smart. to be able to get 3 college degrees, that's pretty incredible.

i know a lot of people who struggled to get one degree.

it would be nice if all people were helpful, caring, self less, etc. wouldn't it?

i don't know if this helps, but when you feel rejected, just tell yourself that

you are who you are and there are other people out there who do like

and accept you. like all of us here. :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 659

It would be nice if everyone could accept us or like us in this world. When confronted with this I find it is best for me to move on and make contact with people that are more loving and accepting of others. I have to remember it is not about me, it is about them and there issues and there negative core beliefs and possible there insecurities. I am ok and I am a good person and if they don't like me or accept me it doesn't mean there is a problem with me or that I have a problem. It is there problem not mine. I have to love myself for who I am and I am a very loving, caring, giving and intelligent person and me knowing this is all that really matters...... Some times you have to live and let live and move on.

Red

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

What do I tell myself when I feel rejected? Because, not everyone is going to accept you or like you.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

I'm finding that whatever I am angry about, is a red flag to a neg. core belief. Also, the "sensitve subject" I posted about on another thread, red flag. And, finally, the "I'm not good enough" (on another thread), red flag. The, I'm not good enough, stems from my neg. core beliefs and I have found I have 2. I'm seeing that all of the issues are connected in an underground root system, but the 2 cores remain the same. Mine are: Rejection and I'm Not Smart. Every example, keeps going back to one of these two neg. core beliefs. My false belief of being not smart was not only reinforced at school in math, but by my Mom. She would re-do everything I did, in front of me. She'd ask me to do the dishes or make the bed and I would. I would then see her re-do the dishes and re-do the bed. And, I would falsely think, "I must not have done it right." I didn't realize it had to do with her issues of being a perfectionist (to make up for her false feelings of inadequecy as a child) and for being controlling. My first husband reinforced this as well. I see where I've overcompensated for this in my life. Re: Not being smart. Maybe that's why I have 3 college degrees. To subconciously prove to everyone and myself that I am smart. I have an AA in Fine Arts, a degree in Animal Science (Veterinarian Assistant) and a degree in Wildlife Forestry/Conservation (Forest Ranger). I want to say that when I went through the questions about the world and other people. I wanted people to act: helpful, caring, self less, trustworthy, dependable, their word is good, truthful, honest, sensitive, intuitive, kind, forgiving and non judgemental. And, I wanted to tell you all that I have found this in all of you, on this site. It's hard to open up and air your dirty laundry, but I guess we all have it. I feel safe here. Thanks.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Very good Shari.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

I choose to forgive others and myself. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are excusing the behavior or saying it was alright that people treated you that way. Unforgiveness only hurts yourself. The other people who hurt you, aren't thinking about it. When you have unforgiveness, it's like handing a bottle of poison to that person, but you are the one drinking the poison. Don't live in bitterness and let things fester. Weed your gardens!

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Negative Core Beliefs - Examples