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Exposure work for a "unique" case?

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Exposure work for a "unique" case?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 124

What an interesting and great idea to make an "antidote", I like!

SIM

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Redgerbera,

You have a really good attititude and that tells me you will surely beat your fears. Its like you've hit your rock-bottom and have no where else to go but up! I know...cause I've been there...mine different than yours, but the same..the fear.. that powerful fear that controls otherwise rational peole.

The "what-ifs" ... I know them so well...when you get to the Challenging Thoughts section you will learn some fabulous coping skills. ( I have). It's not easy..but so worthwhile! I love Davit's antidote idea too!

Cleo

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

Davit,

I absolutely love your visualization idea! Being an Alice In Wonderland fan, I can see putting the water in a pretty glass and labeling it Antidote: Drink Me. Thank you so much for the idea!!

I'm a pretty rational person. I know my food isn't drugged. I tell myself that constantly and believe it, and I think it's such a silly thing to think. But then after I eat something I think "What if it were drugged? It would be too late". And then I start panicking, which makes me feel "weird" (like I've been drugged). Which then "confirms" my fear that there's drugs in my food...and the cycle keeps going.

cleo,

What got me out of the house finally was a combination of things. I got so tired of my Dr trying to push so many meds on me and telling me I couldn't do it without meds that it became a sort of childish "I'll show you!" type of thing. I was also so tired of being cooped up in the house that the thought of having a terrible panic attack and passing out if I left the house actually became more appealing than staying inside. More importantly is the impact it was having on my family. My husband had to go to our kid's plays and film them because I couldn't go see them, my daughter would ask me to go tot he park with them and not understand why I couldn't. I just couldn't do it anymore.

But the food thing is having an even bigger impact on everyone, so I'm even more committed to tackling this. I know it won't be easy or fast or fun, but I'm determined and very, very stubborn : )

Thank you to everyone for your responses, it's very appreciated!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Redgerbera,

Welcome! You have come to a great spot to learn how to get better.

You have come so far with your agoraphobia, leaving your house after about 2 years stuck inside! Wow! Thats fabulous! Do you know what happened that made you take those first steps outside? Do you remember what you thought at the time?

Maybe if you can remember how you got the courage to leave your home it may help you with your food phobia. You got sick of staying in your house, and now it sounds to me that you are sick of making yourself sick. Do like Davit suggests....by thinking positive thoughts you can "smother" negative ones and then Exposures will become easier.

You can beat this thing! You really can! Please let us know how you are doing. We are here for eachother.

Cleo

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

redgerbera

I forgot to say welcome to the site. I also forgot to mention that the others here have there own ways of relaxing and coping and hopefully they will come forward and tell you them.

Clonazapam, is a benzodiazapam and there are different ones geared to different forms of anxiety, You may have to try something else. Ativan is not for long term use. It can make you worse over time, This is personal experience and not medical advise.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

redgerbera.

Exposure is not a magic bullet that will fix you on it's own. Most every one here is doing exposure, but they weren't always. Exposure is good as long as you have coping and relaxation skills in place. You wouldn't put soap in your hair intentionally with out water to rinse it out. Ok so the soap does the work and the the water removes the dirt. SEE. exposure does the work but relaxation and coping skills clean up the mess. And the more exposure the more mess to clean. Exposure is about pushing yourself to the point where you have to reach for the relaxation and coping skills. A very good coping skill is visualization. Take me for instance. I have agoraphobia with claustrophobia as a sub phobia. When I get claustrophobic and panic I relax and visualize myself much smaller than the space I'm in or the space much bigger. For this you need a good imagination. Now in your case you could boil some water and let it cool. Next put it in a wine glass and label it antidote. Yes we know it is just clean sterile water. This is where imagination comes in. You also should have some thing to distract you, a good book maybe. Now start with a cracker. Now you know it has no drugs on it, you are just imagining it. So when you start to think there are, take a sip of the imaginary antidote. You know drugs work fast, so when nothing happens, the antidote must have worked. Treat it like a game. And here is the most important part. You have to laugh. Seriously. And you have to keep score. And you have to write it down.

Each time you do this and don't die you have to write it down in a journal, either on your computer or on paper.

This is called building positive thought. Every positive thought cancels out a negative one. Well not really, it buries it. The object is to bury all the negative thoughts far enough so that they don't surface again. Don't worry about this game sending you into the realm of insanity. It won't. It works better on meds but you might be able to do it without. If you want to try this or you have any questions I'm here for you like everyone else.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5

I say my situation is unique because that's how my doctor and counselors describe it. They all informed me that they've never encountered an issue like mine. So first, let me start with that (and please bear with me if I'm long-winded).

To start, I have panic disorder with agoraphobia. Until a few weeks ago, I hadn't left my home in about two years. Believe it or not, that isn't my biggest issue. I woke up one morning last year and I was suddenly terrified that my food could be drugged. Not poisoned, but drugged (pot, LSD, Rx pills, etc.). I had never feared this before and it has never happened to me. It was like someone had just flipped a switch in my head.

This sudden fear led to a serious eating problem. I was too afraid to eat anything. I could take tiny little nibbles of crackers or bread, but not much else. When this started I weighed 230 pounds. Now, at 5"9, I weight about 105, and my bloodwork has shown serious malnutrition, including dangerously low potassium at one point. The fear also extends into drinks, so dehydration is also an issue.

This fear is literally killing me.

I'm a patient of a group of Dr.s and counselors that make house calls for special cases. My main Dr. prescribed clonopin last year, which I was very reluctant to take (the fear of drugs). I took it, and it made my attacks worse, because I was in fact drugged and felt completely not in control of myself. I had to stop the meds (ativan and xanax had also failed me in the past). I do not want to take drugs.

My fear became so great that I won't ingest anything I haven't made myself. I make my own bread, mayo, and on and on. Making and obsessing about food has become my entire life. I won't let anyone prepare food for me, and I'm constantly washing and rewashing dishes for fear of drugs being on them. I'm just so hungry and sick, and I want this to stop.

When I do eat, I spit out about half of the food. I don't know why, but the thought of swallowing the whole bite terrifies me. So here I am now, sick and weak and literally killing myself with fear. I have managed over the last few months to increase my food intake, and I often feel that I'm getting stronger mentally, through sheer determination.

I got sick of being trapped in my house, so I began sitting out on my front stoop. Then I pushed it further until I was walking to check the mail, and then to taking a walk around the apartment complex. This past Friday I went grocery shopping with my husband for almost 3 hours. I haven 't been shopping in years. It felt so good, and I thought that if I could do that, I can beat this food thing, too.

So I've been working through this course, and it feels so good to be getting help. I'm starting the exposure work now, and that's where I need help.

I don't know if it's my fear tripping me up, but I don't know exactly how to go about exposure work for the food issue. The thought of swallowing every bite in a full meal makes me want to cry just thinking about it. Is that too big a step, or is it a good one?

Does anyone have any ideas for my situation?

Any help is appreciated, and thank you for reading my life story :D

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Exposure work for a "unique" case?