I'm glad you were able to talk to your husband about it and that he was understanding. "To always be productive and shoot for perfection" is THE definition of a perfectionist. But i totally understand when you say you don't feel like one, I never thought i was one either, but as you said, the guilt always followed me around too. But anxiety has taught me that sometimes, there are limits and when i can't do something i simply can't... i just had to let go and trust time will heal... i'm still working on accepting that, it's hard but it's a little easier than before. What do you think will happen if you do take it easy? I think you're taking great steps too, you even went to a counselor.. I still have yet to! Keep venting.
I spoke with my husband and I felt much better. He definately made me feel secure and reassured me that we'll get through this together. My therapist encouraged me to "take it easy" and not to overwhelm myself. She suggested to drop a couple of classes, at least while I'm adjusting and learning how to handle anxiety on my own without medication. Dropping a couple of classes has made me if a little inadequate. The conditioning of my personality is to always be productive and shoot for perfection. Although, I must say I don't feel like a perfectionist.
"Taking it easy" is something I definately have to become familiar with. Me and "taking it easy" have never been great friends, if that makes any sense.lol. Guilt has always followed "not doing enough" nor does "taking it easy" feel comfortable. When I begin to get set into a calm routine, I have to tamper with it in order to feel the chaos I'm so used to (stress, anxiety, etc.), "no pain ; no gain". What is making me feel better now is knowing I'm addressing the root of the problem and pushing forward. I can't give up. Taking these steps have already broken the pattern. I'm proud of that. :o).
When I got off of my SSRI something similar to what you have described has happened to me too. I became really depressed and afraid. I don't have those feelings anymore.. only with specific reasons but i can talk myself out of it now. I also had a hard time to let others know of this because of my fear of loosing them too. Just remember that anxiety is irrational and the solutions come in different ways.. we all wish we don't have it but it's there, it's none of our faults. i hope your husband can understand that. Let us know how your thereapist session goes.
I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you are a confused and scared right now. Know that you are not in this alone and we are here for you. Feeling isolated can be very lonely but know you can always come here to talk to us about what you are going through or even just to say hello. I think talking to a therapist as a good idea as only a doctor can diagnose anything. The program will also help. Be sure to stick with it. You may also want to check out the Depression Center as well www.depressioncenter.net.
I think this is just the rebound from stopping the Effexer. I have a close friend this happened too also with Effexer and it happened to me with Celexa. But you can see you are having negative thoughts and you are accepting that this is happening which is a big help. Now is the time to work on saying to the anxiety,"I know what you are, go away."
Also can you learn to jump back to the happy moments every time the negative ones show up as a block. I some times get this and on a really bad day the cycling is like waves rolling in, good, bad, good, bad. But I know they are just annoying and won't turn to panic and they are getting better. If you find some specific way to deal with this could you let us know because I think we are not the only ones that do this.
I was getting ready for school this morning when I realized I was have some strong negative thoughts about myself. This has been going on since yesterday morning, but severe ups and downs. I have been off of effexor completely for about 2 weeks. The withdrawal was the worst, but I began to feel myself again. Now, I feel like the polar opposite of myself. There's self doubt, worthlessness, tremendous worry that something bad is going to happen and to top it all off I'm afraid to talk to anyone, even my husband in fear of losing him, which isolates me even more. I don't feel like hurting myself, but I feel like I will be self destructive somehow. I feel as if I want to run away from my wonderful life before something bad happens. I feel like I want to protect it by getting as far away from it as I can.
I do have a scheduled appointment with my therapist this evening, so maybe that'll help some. Its just the anxiety has jumped 20 feet ahead into a weird depression feeling. Nothing has happened in my life to trigger this, I just feel great and confident for a few seconds then I feel like running away the next.
Today I had to pull over off the freeway because I began feel light-headed and was ready to throw up. The paramedics where driving by and pulled over. My blood pressue was too high to let me drive (how humiliating). Anyway, my mother-in-law just showed up to help me today. So your feedback is appreciated and I'll chat more later. Thanks for being here.
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