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Having a crappy day so far

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 112

Davit,

Thanks for the shoulder and I am really sorry that you're not feeling good either. I guess, when I'm like this I only see me and reading your post made me realize that others have it worse than me and can none the less shoulder someone elses pain. You are an angel ! I'm hanging in there as best I can, the morning was awful , so my husband stay home to do work around here and keep me company. All of a sudden the tension in my neck and shoulders subsided enough so I laid on the couch for about 1 hour in a.m. and just did relaxing.

After lunch I felt a bit better so I put on my MP3 player and headphones, then headed out back to take it out on the weeds.

I'm just so darn tired. I do have some clonazepam left from before...I will try and tough it out till later tonight and if the same thing happens I will take .5mg. I was saving those for bad days, I guess that qualifies. I don't dare take it too often cause I only have 7 left.

I think you are right it is fear of fear and depression. The social worker I called told me to focus on the now and to not " what if". I just wonder if it was just the pills making me feel better.

Sunny,

Thanks for the support , I will try and do that.

Ashley,

Maybe that is what is missing.... having something to fulfill me. I appreciate your kind words but I don't know what that kind of day would be like ,but it sure wouldn't be me spending all my energy and focus on me, that's for sure.

Cleo,

Thanks, I know the people here are awesome....it means a great deal.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Ashley,

Thanks..I get it now!

Cleo

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Hi Cleo,

Sorry I should have explained further it is sort of a difficult idea to wrap our heads around.

Leading a fufilled life would mean you are actively follow your authentic values. The things that drive you, the things you are passionate about, the things that give meaning to your life. Although you may be happy when living a fufilled life, happiness is not an indicator of a fufilled life. For instance, I know an individual who felt some of her most fufilling years were when she was taking care of her dying mother. Although she was unhappy she was still fufilled. To give another example some individuals when they are sick or ill go on to do amazing things. Christopher Reeves for example did many wonderful things after the accident he had. Although he may not have been happiest during that time he may have been most fufilled. Does that clarify?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Sunny, Davit, Shadowkins ,

I'm sorrry to hear you all are having such a hard time of things. I wish I knew how to help you all.

I'm thinking of you all and hoping that these things are only temporary. Remember that you have friends out here who care!

Ashey...how can one be unhappy and fulfilled at the same time? I don't get that.

cleo

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Oh my, sorry to hear about you two. Davit, keep posting, we are listening and it's good to hear from you that you know it will pass. You know we care. and Shadowkins, hang in there, it will get better, it just takes time. Keep practicing the relaxation ex. even if you think it isn't working. I know how hard it must be since it isn't doing it for you right now. Maybe you can find a really interesting book to read to take your mind off it for now.

I had a crappy day yesterday - eyes were really hurting (I am allergic to latest med. to lower the pressure and cannot take it, eyes feel like sandpaper, very painful) and head buzzing like crazy - what did I do? A little of everything, because that was all I could manage, but found comfort in reading my latest book - it was written in the late 1700's. I find the writing tedious but interesting at the same time. This is a sort of distraction too.
Last night BP went way up (because of the pain?) and it scared me a little because I feel so sick when it does, so did relaxation and that brought it down. Felt quite ill though, nausea and headachy and I know that is the pressure on my eyes. Unfortunately my dr. is away on holidays until end of the month. My GP doc. says to quit the drops and wait. I feel o.k. today, headache not bad and eyes not hurting as much since I didn't use the drops. Basically, using yesterday and today to relax and feel good again. That's taking care of myself - what we should do when we are sick and not force anything, just let everything go for now and be extra gentle with yourself. This is something I have learned here, to baby myself and stop trying to push through.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Shadowkins.

I am not the one to cheer you up today but I will try for both our sakes. You see I am having a lousy day also but mine is a side effect of my Antibiotic. Today just seems like life is a waste of time and I feel like I have a head cold (which I don't) I'm having a hard time breathing and swallowing and I had to force myself to eat so I can take my other pills. The difference between us is that although I am tired sick and suicidal, I have been through this before and I know it will go away, just not right now so I can tough it out.

Some days there just is nothing good to latch on to. Some days are just,"poor me" days no matter what you do. All you can do is tell yourself this is a set back but a temporary one. All you can do is ride it out. Well no that is not all. This is one of those situations where you take a pill (xanax, valium, even ativan if you have to but I would rather you don't use the Ativan) and sleep the day away. Today is one of those days where you have to look real hard to find some good.

Remember There is nothing wrong with the day ( unless it is snowing ) it is how you are seeing it. It is that damn negative come to the surface again. It might be rebound. (fear of fear) have you been doing good up till today. Have you brought this on by fearing the improvement won't continue, have you started to think this is the best you can get.

Is this your main thought today. Are you thinking you only imagined you were getting better. These are negatives that are going to pop up every so often, but remember they are not true. You are getting better, you are venting and you still want it to go away. And it will. Our cases are a bit similar, your anxiety will go away in time as you accept that this is just part of the healing. Mine will go when the antibiotic has run its course. In the mean time vent again and again so we can share this lousy day together. My concern for you is making mine somewhat easier. Thank you for the vent.

Your friend in suffering

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Shadowkins,

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult day. Know you are not alone. We are listening and we are right there with you.

What inspires you shadowkins? I know this is a strange question to ask now but I want you to change your focus. I know you are feeling awful right now and everything is hard. I know just getting through the day is an achievement. I also know that your body and mind is feeling awful but your spirit doesn't have to. How do you think you could have a fulfilled day today despite of all the hardships? This is a challenging question but I want you to really think about it, if you are not up for answering it that is ok too.

To rephrase the question, how can today be as fulfilling as possible despite how awful you feel? What would the most fulfilling day with these hardships look like?

Try to remember fufillment doesn't necessarily mean happy. You can be very unhappy yet still be fulfilled.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 112

Here comes the venting!

I got 3 hours sleep last night if that , yet when I went to bed I was very tired but couldn't manage to doze off till about 1:30 a.m. This morning is the pitts, very anxious and depressed....I don't even want my husband to leave. God, will it ever end?

Too boot , I have lost my appetite ( still am forcing myself to eat...yuck ) and got the bathroom trots.

I just don't know where to go from here....tried the breathing and relaxation and nothing seems to help right now. I'm so sick of this.

Sorry, just can't see the bright side today

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Having a crappy day so far