I wrote in awhile back saying I thought I was doing better. Ugh, not so. I've had some really bad days lately, where I've spent the majority of the day experiencing some degree of anxiety. I even bolted from a meeting when I broke out into a full-blown panic attack.
Not.Fun.
I had to go back to school this week and the kids come back next week. There is a lot of change going on at work, so that's added to my "oh no!" factor. Also, it's hard to take baby steps with exposure and stuff when I HAVE to be at work, and for a certain amount of time. I decided to be proactive and finally go back to the dr. (I haven't seen a dr. regarding my panic disorder since '05.)
I've also built a really great support network at work. I used to go way out of my way to make sure no one in my life found out about my anxiety, and it has been very cathartic to let someone in. I talked to the school nurse about it and she's the one who encouraged me to make the dr. appointment. Since I had to leave early today, I had to let the assistant principal know about my doctor's appointment. I just told her I was having an anxiety issue that I wanted to get addressed before school started. Her response: "Oh, I so know what you are talking about! I got something called panic disorder about 18 years ago and ended up in the hospital thinking I was dying of a heart attack several times. I'm pretty much better now, but I've had to be treated off and on for it since then."
Imagine my shock! She's the first person I have EVER met who has panic disorder! She said to call her direct line if I have a bad attack during school and need a break to calm down and that she would personally come cover my class for a few minutes, no questions asked. This made me feel loads better, because now, not only do I have to worry about the new administrators finding out about my anxiety or being judged for it, I also have a built-in support for if I have a major attack during class. This has been my main worry lately, so hopefully that in and of itself will help me be more at ease.
Anyway, the doctor prescribed propranolol, lexapro, and a benzo (I'm not sure which one.) I'm going to try to start out with the lexapro and see if that is enough to get me on track. I'm not a big fan of meds, so I'd like to start slow and see where to go from there.
Sorry for the excessively long post.
