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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 180

Diva:

I hope you are feeling better today.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 41

Diva

I have been there with the meds. I started taking them of Januray 07 until March of 08 and I was never really comfortable with them. Like you, the emotional part was hard. I felt that I was a weak person. I am 6 foot 1 inch 220 pounds and play competative hockey and Rugby. Gus like me are not supposed to be this way....or so I was always led to belileve. The thought that I needed pills to make me feel better was a bit heady and even humbling I may add. People told me to just snap out of it, instead I snapped at them, it was all becoming rather intolerable. But the meds eventually kicked in and did make me feel better and my life did return to "normal"...in fact it was during these med times that I began looking at my anxiety and depression and working towards living with it. I began reading and understanding more about my anxiety, I really got to know it. I began seeing a therapist who is wonderful and monitored my progress. In fact he recently wrote a book on anxiety and relaxation and since Sept 08 I have been practicing his techniques and found them absolutely life altering. I still get bouts of anxiety but am very confident about dealing with it. Where once I was ashamed and embarrassed about my anxiety and depression, now I have no problem about telling people. Funnily enough when I do tell people it is amazing how many people have some variation or is close to someone with similar syndromes. In fact this year alone I have had at least 8 of my students confide in me that they suffer from anxiety and or depression. Sorry for rambling but I think you should know that for me, the meds did give me a hand up when I needed it, and enabled me to search for long lasting mechanisms to comfortably live with anxiety...Good luck and one day at a time! Alll my best!

Michael

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 180

Hi Ya Diva:

How are you doing today?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 180

Hi Ya diva:

Sounds like quite a therapist you have, very thorough.

I hope the meds work for you with mi minimal or better yet no side affects.

Take care.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

Diva,

It is so good to hear that you are processing this experience and that your session with your therapist went well.

Staying in contact with your therapist will be incredibly important as you start this new medication.

And do not feel bad about not answering others' posts. Your body is trying to tell you to "slow down." You have been through a lot and deserve to take some time to yourself and have a nap.

Sarah, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hey guys,

Today I went to the therapist. We took some physiological readings with his machine. Like a before picture of my physiological systems (limbic system, electrodermal readings, heart rate, blood flow, etc, etc, etc.). Then I took my first anti-depressant pill in a very long time...It was tough. The good news is that I have not had a severe allergic reaction to it. Now, I figure that is a good start lol. I am having a very emotional reaction to taking this med. I am partly hopeful and partly sad and defeated and down on myself. But as with anything else I will sort through it! And hey, if I don't like the effect of the meds, I will just taper off.

I will see my therapist again in 3 weeks to get more physiological readings so we know if the meds help or not. He said if I feel anything weird or feel freaked out or anything, he is on stand-by and will take me in on an emergency basis. So that is good and reassuring!

Well, sorry for not answering anybody's thread for now but I found today and the meds things and the emotional reaction to it quite tiring. I am going for a nap. I will try to be back and answer all of you later!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hey Joe,

Thanks for the compliment, I am blushing now!

And thanks for the reply. As for blowing up at them, well I guess sometimes I feel like it but that is just not in my personnality lol. I am more of a peacekeeper lol. That might be why I am an easy target sometimes lol. People know that if need be I just let it go to keep the peace...I have learned to defend myself when push really comes to shove but I still struggle with that lol because I don't like my anger to have a negative impact on those I love.

Well, I guess being able to hold secret is not a horrible thing but I must admit I hate secrets and hate keeping them. As for you rambling, well I get what you mean and no need for apologies!

And yes, I keep on moving forward! And yeah, I don't always feel strong but I keep on going! (like the energizer bunny!). Cheers to you too Joe!

CM,

Thanks for taking time to reply to me. Yes, I had a challenging weekend lol. And yes, family matters can get quite entangled!

As for today being better, it is.

I was right, I did manage, in the few days since sunday to make peace with all this again and accept that this is how things were and are! When you can't change things, acceptance and letting go really are he best way to feel better in my opinion. It takes work, but I am getting better at it!

So there it is, I processed the experienced and made my peace with it and I feel better lol. Thanks you all for helping me vent out and understand my inner turmoil!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 180

Hi Ya Diva:

Sounds like you had quite a challenging time this weekend, family matters can become quite entangled.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 123

It's inspiring how through all this, you still keep your head about you and press forward! Shows a lot of character and strength!

If it was me, I would've blown up on the in-law real quick, but I have a temper when it comes to those things. Particularly family. And I'm a big holder of secrets too. I use these at times when I've heard enough bickering, so I don't have to carry the full weight...which to me is unfair unless the secret is that profound, in which case I forget about it after I hear it. Though they have been known to slip out down the line, say 10 years. But at that point, there's no point to get mad at whatever the secret was for in the first place, if they do get mad it's only because they wanted a reason in the first place. I'm rambling now, sorry about that!

Keep on moving forward Doc, you've got a lot of strength you don't even know exists, but I promise you it's there!

Cheers

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hey guys,

Thanks for the encouragement!

CM,

Considering I started dealing with this disorder in the first half of my teens, I wasn't ever a paty person either lol. But i am getting better at it!

Breanne,

Thanks, I am proud. As for the family stuff. I am always shocked at how much it affects me. I find peace and balance and acceptance until I get into a room with that woman and all of a sudden I feel very uneasy and angry and sad and bitter and scared. As for experiences, like sunday, they are surreal to me as everyone speaks of this reality full of family unity and love and that is not what I went through at all, that is not my reality.

I guess I am always surprised just how deep the cuts are, just how big the scars of it all are. It is hard to grow up ( I was not even ten yet when my dad remarried) knowing there is someone out there (who btw, is making a new life with your dad) who wishes you did not exist. It is hard to deal with that same woman saying horrible things about your mom (who is your one safe harbor in the world) in front of you. It is hard to know your dad spends more time with her daughters than with you. It is hard when you see her daughters sitting on his lap to watch t.v. while you sit alone on the opposite corner of the couch...It is hard to be yelled at and insulted by an adult from whom you don't know how to protect yourself. It is hard to keep secrets you don't want to because it would start fights...I guess what I am trying to say is that I felt pretty messed up after the party. It is taking me some time to sort through everything again and make my peace with it again. But I will! I always do! Also, what is hard is that if I talk about this all I get for answers are things like: "Buck up!" or some generic positive answer! I think people do that because they figure I will buck up as I have become good at dealing with my stuff and staying generally positive etc... But sometimes, some understanding would be nice lol. As I said, at this point I am settling down from the whole thing and I know that by tomorrow I will be at peace with it all again.

Another thing bothering is a situation at work. Where through no fault of my own, my student and me ended up in two different class rooms. So we both waited for each other for the length of the class... Well, I will most likely end up not getting paid for my time, getting the blame for it all and having to give that class back to the student! It just feels unfair... But fighting it would take more energy then just accepting it would. So I will just accept it but it is bothering me at the moment. But as with all things I will make my peace and move on.

As CM said, upwards and onwards! Today is a really bad day but tomorrow will be a good one!

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