Typically, the anxiety of the build up is precisely what makes the attack bad. But for some odd reason, which I'm just going to go with, because once I analyze it gets worse, I feel good about the conference next week.
The rundown of next week, basically I'm playing a big part in hosting a conference which is also pretty big. Dealing mostly with people who are sure of themselves, and what they are doing (doctors, cops, etc..)...although there are those who are on the opposite spectrum. Point being, I have to be able to communicate clearly with these people, think logically, and not shy away...which means I have to go against everything that I was as an agoraphobic and social anxiety sufferer. It's either going to be a remarkable success, or horrendous failure. Yikes!
All day I've been calling people up and verifying changes and this and that. Typically, talking to people puts me on a edge. But this morning, started calling people, felt a little on edge for the first hour or two of making and taking a steady stream of calls, but I just accepted it. Can't really explain it any further then I felt ok about it, like I was so focused on doing my work, that the anxiety wasn't bothering me anymore.
After all the depression and anxiety I've felt this week, which has been unusually high, I feel fine. Maybe, juuuuust maybe, I'll be able to pull this off next week...and rather then go back into my same ole, "drain all" routine, I'll keep it up.
So I'm listing this under accomplishments because, for the first time in a long time, I feel good about something that's coming up...not something I've already done. Cheers to the future.
