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Separating yourself from your anxiety.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 150

You sound a lot like me, Gene.

I used to work 13 hour days. Come home to my partner who was obviously miserable at the lack of attention.

I worked weekends around the country, and I really wanted to quit, but I was doing I loved and couldn't give it up.

Inadvertantly it caused me to give up everything. I pushed myself to such an extreme that I lost it all. My job, the money, my second job and all that went with it, my friends, my colleagues. It all just disappeared.

And it didn't stop there. Oh no.

What I had left - my partner. She stuck with me through it all. Obviously that took its toll, as one can very well expect, and she left me. She insists it was because she 'was no longer attracted to me' but the fact that 3 weeks after breaking up: she's with someone else - that shows that she had clearly thought about it before she left me.

I find it hard to believe that she loved me like that up until the very end, then moved on so fast. She knew it was coming. She waited until I was stable enough to deal with it and dealt the final blow.

Life, as you probably know, is full of these horrendous blackspots. The times that everything goes wrong and not much goes right.

But. We are learning. Constantly. Every day.

I don't regret a day I suffered from panic attacks, because I now truly believe I will never have another one.

It may even have lengthened my life.

Some people go on through life suffering the stress I had, and eventually die of a heart attack or something similar.

I see my panic attacks and anxiety as being the wake up call I needed to finally stop taking life too seriously. To stop pushing myself more than I should have done.

And my partner - well it was just meant to be.
I don't regret a day I spent with her, nor do I regret her breaking up with me. It was all just part of my journey throughout life and it has made me who I am.

I hope you find find peace, Gene. I hope I do too.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Thanks again for the great advise. I know that I need to break the stigma of having a "mental disorder" and I need to come to term with the word "panic disorder". Often, these days, when I have a PA I am not concerned about the PA itself but I feel overwhelmed with the term panic disorder and also with exhuastion. Exhuastion is probably my biggest problem right now. I am working like a dog, I come home to an extemely depressed wife, I can't sleep, I still have the occasional PA and my OCD tendencies are flaring up at the moment.

So I agree that we all need to give ourselves a break. I also used to work 12 hour days and push myself very hard. But I guess you are right. I need to chill a bit...

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Hey there DB , sorry to hear about your break up . You really are having a rough trot atm . Infact a few people here are . But i am so impressed with everyone dealing with these majour issues so well and positively .

I have always found that in times of crisis i really do handle things quite well , its the after shock that hits me .

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 34

Darkblue, what you say is so true! We take so much time analyzing ourselves and categorizing ourselves that it contributes to our worry, and therefore causes the panic to escalate. Thank you for sharing....Through practicing Yoga I am learning to just "be" and stop over thinking everything. Also when we pass judgement on others it contributes to us judging ourselves again.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

darkblue,

Your words are so encouraging and incredible. You are also very correct, even the most intelligent people can make mistakes! By knowing your own limits you will truly appreciate your own courage and strength.

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Something I've learned recently, hopefully someone else might get something from it: It's not about another person's perception, it's about self deception: Do I believe what they say, or do I know otherwise?

Aha, that old salesman saying is true: Whether you think you can, or think you can't....you're right.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 150

April,

I know where you are coming from. In my family, I was always told that I was smart. So I was 'expected' to have good grades and get a good job and make a good amount of money.

It adds pressure to the situations when you feel that you are not living up to your expectations. But expectations are purely other people points of view. It's taken me a long time to accept that.

When my father died, I was the one who assumed the role of 'father' for my brother. My mother and immediate family called me 'strong'. My mother called me 'her rock'. Someone who was there and strong and confident and able when it was required.
And so when I started suffering from anxiety, it made me feel all the more as though I were letting people down.

How can I suffer from panic attacks when I am 'a rock'? The truth is, I am not a rock, I am a human.

And humans suffer; they buckle under immense pressure like anything does and should do.

I am sure you are independent. But no one is something all the time.

You can't always be independent as much as no one can always be smart.

Even the most intelligent people in the world make mistakes and suffer from stress.

Winston Churchill suffered from severe depression.

And hew as the United Kingdom's leader during a war.

GeneJockey,

Believe me, you will be healed. You will be better.
I can't say you will be back to how you were before panic attacks, because I am not. But I wouldn't want to be.

I was a workaholic with no time for his family or partner. And so I lost my family and now I've lost my partner, and I thought I lost my sanity, courage and stregnth.

But I've learned.

A hard lesson to learn.

I will never again treat myself like I am some kind of superhero. The truth is, I can't work 12 hour days. I shouldn't have to. I'm too young to not have a life. Not that anyone is ever old enough not to have a life.

We will all get there.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 34

That make so much sense learning to not "label" yourself by your anxiety. In our family my sister and I were labeled, me the independent one and her the dependent one. Because I have the label of being independent I stress out over anyone knowing that I get anxious, because that means I am not perfect....I am trying so hard to not label myself and in return do my kids the favour of not labeling them. Very good insight Darkblue, thanks!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Thank you Darkblue. I need this right now. It feel like I have struggled so long with this that it does get me down sometimes. I wonder if I will ever be healed.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

Dark Blue, Thank you for your inspirational words. It is so good to hear your have been able to seperate yourself from the illness. Please continue to let us know how you are managing. Sarah, Health Educator

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Separating yourself from your anxiety.