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16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hello Miki,

Thanks so much for your reply. Yeahm I guess I have to give myself time. I have to accept how I feel. Thanks for everything and you are right I am not giving up on things or myself. Hugs to you also.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hello Breanne,

I think the locket idea is a great one and I intend to go buy one as soon as I can. As for getting another cat I already have two wonderful, lovely cats. I used to have three. I still miss Oscar though he was very special to me. I hate being so lame about losing him but I miss him...I do think the locket is a great idea, thank you.

As for school, I am taking councelling in the fall, have been in psychology, graduated last spring. As for a schedule, I have not gotten around to that yet. Wioth the summer I have had and Oscar's passing, I haven't gotten to it yet. I should though.

I just don't feel up to much lately.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Diva , hello hun . Sorry to see you are still having trouble sleeping . Its the pits and does not help us one bit . Like the idea of the locket , maybe you could also put some of Oscars ashes in it . Or is that abit much ? Hope i dont upset you suggesting that .

Its the old age thing of one day at a time , it was the only thing that kept me going . No actually one hour at a time when i was really bad .

In my thoughts as always , take care friend .

CD xxxx

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Hi Diva,

I'm so sorry you are not your best. But I am still hopeful for you because of your closing sentences. You haven't given up and I know you will be back in no time... just not now. Embrace all these human emotions and learn them with your own time. Hugs and hugs and hugs.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Diva,

Instead of carrying Oscar's ashes around with you, what about if you got a locket? You could put a picture of Oscar in it, so that he could be close to your heart all the time.

Also, have you thought about getting a new cat? I know that no other cat could ever replace Oscar, and it wouldn't be the same, but it is something to think about.

In terms of school and work, what are you taking in school? Do you have a schedule planned out so that you will be able to manage both school and work?

I hope you got a bit of sleep last night/this morning!

Let us know how you are,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

I feel tired and anxious and sad. I cannot sleep. I think of what is to come and I feel afraid. I think of what is going on with me right now and I feel afraid. I am awake and alone right now. My husband sleeps in the other room and I feel alone. I wish I could find sleep without having to face the ambush that lies in wait for me in those moments betwen wakefullness and sleep. My griefs lies waiting to ambush me and I know I will have to face it soon. I am so exhausted. When this time of day comes around I feel a lone and scared. I haven't managed to sleep yet tonight. I am so tired. Not that I truely lack sleep. I have been sleeping a lot lately. Once I fall asleep there is relief. Falling asleep and waking are the problem for me. Sometimes I dream of my cat. I am scared of those dreams and at the same time I long for them. I long for those moments when in my mind he is alive again and dread the moments I lose him all over again...I looked at pictures of him tonight. At first it was odd, like I was numb, like I could not feel anthing and then it came a longing, a pain in my chest that told me he was gone and that all I had left of him wasn't enough to make the hurt go away.

I feel so lame and pathetic. I feel ashamed of myself. I feel angry too. Angry at the world. I feel scared. Big things are coming for me and I don't feel up to facing them yet. I am not sure how I will manage al these challenges at a time in my life where I feel lame and dumb. I have trouble taking care of the basics, how am I going to face all the extras? I feel like I should be stronget then this and it makes me feel ashamed. It makes me feel scared.

Sorry for the ranting and raving, I am tired and typing to keep "the monsters" at bay. I am typing to try and figure out what all the feelings inside me are and why they are there. I am trying to figure out why breathing is hard, why I ache all over, why my eyes are full of tears and my fists full of anger. I am trying to figure out where all this fear in my body is coming from.

School, work, house related things, all of this is ahead of me, some old challenges, some new and I feel ready for none of it. And I am scared. Then again it is 5 am atm and I am tired and everything will most likely feel more manageable once I have slept. So Thanks for letting me whine and rant and vent etc...I know I will get through this, I know I will be ok, I am just tired...Tomorrow is another day and this too shall pass...

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hi guys,

Been tired and sad and not up to much so I took it easy this weekend and that is why I was AWOL. I am so exhausted and tired. I miss my cat and I feel sad. I feel so achy, my body hurts.

But I have had some moments of peace this weekend and have taken advantage of all of them to try and recharge. My husband has been good to me. We had a small incident this weekend but we talked it out. Mostly he has been very good to me.

I feel anxious as I will have to go back to work and to school in about a week. New school, New program. Feeling very very anxious when I think about it. I am not nearly ready for this. I am exhausted and sad and feel like I am dumb with fatigue. I will have to take the bus there on top of it. Not fun. Am so tired and exhausted and sad and angry. I can't begin to figure out how I will deal with school and work in a week!

I still carry my cat's ashes with me most of the day and it makes me feel so pathetic and lame. I try to set it down but then it hits me like a ton of bricks how much I miss him and then I pick up his urn and it makes me feel better...

Feel anxious atm and very tired. My husband just offered me a walk to help me through so I think I will take it. He is very good to me lately. Got something I will post in the success column later. My weekend was not a complete bust.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Just popping in to say hello Diva . Hope your ok

Cd xxxxxxxx

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Hi Diva

I think grieving has many stages and in no particular order. Anger is definately in there and it is perfectly normal. Life seems so unfair sometimes and losing someone you love sucks! I do think a release would be good. Like Birdie running is amazing for that... at least for me. It's like I'm pounding out the anger with my feet...the sound of them hitting the pavement can be therapeutic.

As for cuddling.. your hubby may be just what you need. Security knowing someone you love is near.

I wish I had magic words to help you get through this but I don't. Just be patient with yourself and let your emotions be what they are. Suppressing them is not healthy and keep up your lines of communication...with us (we're ALWAYS here) and your hubby.

Take care Diva..hugs...and more hugs.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Diva,

You should not feel angry at yourself for not being able to take better care of your dear cat. You know that you did the best you could, and that you were very loving and caring towards Oscar. It must be an awful feeling, what you are going through right now, but hang in there. Grieving is a process, and it will pass.

Try cuddling your husband! Talking to him seemed to help, so perhaps cuddling him would be a comfort as well.

Hang in there,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

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