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16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Miki,

Even though it seems like your husbands trip has been a negative experience so far, try and focus on all of the positive emotions that have emerged. Perhaps this will give both you and your husband a new perspective on your relationship, and perhaps the time apart will make you appreciate one another so much more.

Have you talked to him? Tell him how you are feeling, I'm sure he would like to hear how much you miss him.

Stay strong

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hiya Miki,

Hang in there!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Hey Cornish Dee,

Thanks so much for your support. That is exactly how I felt! I guess we all have to go through this. I have checked up on him once and felt I needed to let him be for a bit. I called him yesterday yet I missed him. When he left, I felt really motivated to change and I still am but all this waiting is just making my stomach all acidy. There was a moment a few nights ago when I just laid in bed and felt so disconnected to him for the first time in my life, which got me really sad. He's somewhere halfway around the globe from here, angry at me. This makes me easily distracted of what I want to change and I half to keep reminding myself what I want. Thanks for being there and reading. I must fight this to get what I want.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Hi ya Miki , oh dear sorry to hear things have taken a u-turn .

. This damn anxiety has alot to answer for , i too have said really awful things at times and have not been very proud of myself . It can be a visious circle as well , you hurt the ones you love but only because you are so frustrated with yourself . Then the guilt , oh my thats the killer . That sets off the depression , arghhhhhh .

Im getting older and wiser now lol , i am trying to think before i speak now . Not perfect at it but who is ? Of course you would have loved to have gone with him , deep down he knows that . It must be hard for him , he sounds like he loves you very much as well .

Text him , but dont overload him with them all at once . Keep the first ones short and simple , miss you love you sort of thing . Then gradually move onto ones like remember the time when ( a happy lovely memory) .

Then maybe towards the end of his trip have a small plan of action , nothing too much for you ok . I dont know um something like a midnight picnic ( even if you cant go out have it in your garden) . You can have candles , food you both enjoy , a favourite song that means something to you both .

I have gone blank now and am just waffling , hope your ok hun .

Take care CD xxx

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Hello Cornish Dee,

Thanks for the advice... and I wish I read this sooner because I should have done what you wrote.

I had a major flip of my life these past few days. It became clear to me that something was up with my hubby and I found out how much my break down affected him. I said really hurtful things to him and it seems like he can't really let it go yet. And today he left to go to Japan, (where I should have been going there with him as his wife but since I have anxiety I didn't)... and I won't see him until he gets back in two weeks. I really was a nag to him about this whole Japan trip also because I kept accusing him and saying how it's not fair for me that he gets to go... yet all this time, all he wanted was for me to be there with him. As much as, I didn't know his true feelings because of lack of communication among us, I really felt I messed up big time this time... because he is still not sure of his own feelings toward me now. He said he still loves me but the things I said is effecting him still. I have learned something more terrifying than panic attacks and that is loosing him. And when I think about it, it makes me really devastated but I am flipping my views around and going to do all the best that I can to make things work. I have finally learned what he felt, and I hope it is not too late... but even if it is, I am not going to give up.

Thank you guys for giving me such a comfortable place to express my problems. I'm really glad to have joined this site and meet all of you great people. Much much love to you all!!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Great advice cornish-dee!

Everyone could use a good cuddle now and then!

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Hey there Miki , its that catch 22 thing . Either the anxiety is up or the depression which makes things doubly hard i know . But you are trying that does count for such alot , your not giving up , that can be so easy when you feel down so please dont be down on yourself . You are in a hard situation , alot harder than many people could ever imagine . You will get there im sure of it , you are already sounding so much more positive than a few weeks ago when you didnt want to post remember . I so glad you do , you give great input and are very helpful . You are here as much for anyone than we are for you just remember that !

Psssst is hubby is still in bed go and give a cuddle and make his day . Hey thats all im telling you to do !!! A nice cuddle can be so refreshing yuck wrong word but you know what i mean .

Have a lovely evening or whatever you are on in time , i get sooo confused its afternnon here pah im gone to much thinking lol TTFN x

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Hey Diva,

Thanks so much for the encouragement. Your arrangement is something what we used to do.. but lately I don't even really feel like going out anymore. I really hate how I feel so possessive lately.

He's been sleeping all day, hasn't woken up yet today and it's 5 in the afternoon! He has been in my town for the past few days and has been going out and when there is finally a day for me he is sleeping. Yet, there is really nothing we can do together because I will get anxious anyway. Sheesh, I sound like such a downer! I don't like thinking this way.

Anyway, it's a beautiful day today (happy thoughts, happy thoughts).

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hiya Miki!

Well I totally get how you feel there. I used to feel the same. I either let hom go alone and felt alone and jealous or I went and felt anxious and like I was ruining things. Now I have a new arrangement with my husband. When I feel like it and such I give it a try. I go and see how it goes. But if I should feel unwell I have the right to just go home and he will drive me back and he does not get mad at me. On the other hand once he drives me back he gets to go back out so that his evening is not ruined.

That way he feels safe that if I don't feel well he can still go out. That way, if I do need a lift home he does not feel angry or annoyed. That way, I feel safe enough to try and go out with him but yet feel safe that I can come home whenever I want without ruining anything. Nowadays, it works really well for us. Worse part is 99% of the time just knowing there is no pressure for me to stay makes it easier and I end up staying out all evening and having great fun! Just last night we went out to meet some colleagues of his at their home and it went super great. But I knew I could go home if I did not feel well. Anyway, this is how we worked it out. Might not work for everyone. Sorry if I cannot be more helpful.

Take care and you two will find a way to deal with this too.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Thanks guys,

I always worry before seeing a friend if I will get a panic attack that day or if I'm too anxious I don't want to get judged. I feel people judge me because I just keep avoiding things and I feel like they judge that I don't try hard enough. In the end that is how I feel about myself. I can't stop pressuring myself. I don't know how not to do it.

I had a bit of a break down the other day with my husband and he really didn't know what to do because I didn't know what to do. I was really lonely and I sort of pointed the finger. Things worked out in the end but I still feel so bad for him... I feel like every time we do something like go out, I always get anxious and I ruin it all... and so then, I try to stay home and let him go out on his own but if that happens, I get jealous and lonely. It's really not fair and I wish more then ever that I never caught this 'disorder'.

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