this seems to be the spot for me. My husband died 10 yrs ago but there is no timeline for grief. He had cancer for 7 years and we were raising 4 children. The youngest was 2 and the oldest was 11. Our lives changed forever. I have felt that since the diagnosis and his death, I was unable to control most everything. Couldn't make it go away, couldn't take the treatments myself, couldn't protect the kids from seeing and feeling all this hurt. We did our best and I am so proud that the kids have turned out to be happy adults and we are very close. Through all this, I just held my breath. Just hung on waiting for the other shoe to drop at any moment, whether it was an unexpected infection, another tumor, another treatment, another hospital stay, I just tried to put on foot in front of the other and hug my family everyday. Now, I seem to be the one with all the fears. I worry about my children dieing or my new husband getting sick. I fear I may get cancer and my kids will have to lose me too. The worry consumes my and the fear paralyzes me. I remember thinking upon diagnosis that I was glad it was one of us and not one of our children. Having experienced this now, it was to date the hardest experience of my life. If something were to happen to one of my kids I don't know if I could handle it. I think that would be worse than anything. Having said that, fear of death or illness or hospitals drive my fear. I run scenarios though my head that just get rolling and I haven't learned how to stop. I have nightmares about death or people I love getting hurt. It is obvious that I am needing to resolve some of these issues but don't know where to go.. that's why I tried this website. I have always had panic and anxiety attacks but now they are controlling me instead of the reverse. Is this the place for me?
