Hello everyone,
Thank you for all the lovely and wonderful replies :) I have not been on much lately, and I am sorry for replying so late.
I have been having a really rough time lately. Not because of the anxiety though. My cat is doing a bit better. I still have to give him fluids and spoon feed him some days, but it seems to be looking up. He is doing much better and the vet thinks he will continue to improve.So I am very happy for that. My other cat her her leg. I felt sad for her. She is limping badly. But the vet says she will get better. We have discovered though that she has arthritis in her hips. So now my cat takes special vitamins that are supposed to help. She is in good spirits tho and still becs for treats so I am not worried for her. All the visits to the vet are taxing my ressources badly tho. I am so broke and the vet is so expensive...Sigh. All in all though the cats are either doing well as always or doing better so that is good.
Me and my husband have talked. We will go to counceling or couple's therapy or something. He seems to want to patch things up. But we have talked a lot and I have made clear to him what I can and cannot accept in my life. I told him what I needed and that whether or not I was right to need that, that I do need it. Anyway, he really seems to be willing to try. I must admit, it is coming around sllowly but I have noticed it is coming around a bit I think. In the lat week and a half he has been really trying. He doesn't yell at me anymore. Well, we had one fight and he yelled but when I pointed it out he calmed down fairly quickly which I find is a very good sign. He really has been trying to help with the house. He also tries to go walk with me more often and he spends more time chatting with me. Also, he is starting to come around on the eating healthy thing. Of course these are all preliminary observations as it has only been a week or two. But I am hopeful that he heard me and is willing to put effort into our relationship. Of course, I have my part to do too as I am far from perfect! But if things keep improving slowly like this, I get the feeling that with therap we can save our marriage. I am hopeful, which is a better place to be then last time I posted.
Once again thank you to all of you for your kind words and sorry I did not reply before now.
Lately things have been hard for me. And it is starting to scare me badly and make me very edgy and panicky. But then anxiety does not seem to be the major issue. My anxiety right now is a reaction to what is really the problem. Lately, I am exhausted. I was so tired and exhausted during my last term of school but I kept pshing because I enjoy my school and wanted to do well. Plus I knew I was on the last mile. But I am not recuperating. A month has gone by and I am still exhausted. I sleep all the time. I sleep like 14-16 hours a day and I am still tired. I am supposed to be working but I have not done my work hours for the last 3-4 weeks now. I just can't seem to get things done at all. I feel so stupid and lame. I feel like a big fat lazy cow.I cry all the time, anything makes me cry. I can't seem to want to do much of anything except eat myself into oblivion (I am overeating badly and gaining weight). I am just tired and sad and I can't seem to snap out of it.
I am going to cal the doctor's for an appointment. The doctor's schedule comes out tomorrow. I will have the doc check my thyroid gland since I know that when my thyroid medecine is low it can mimin depression symptoms. I hope that is all it is.
I have suffered from burn-outs and major depression in the past. I am fairly anxious (petrified actually) that it is back and it is just gonna get worse before it gets better. I have had some dark days in the past and am terrified they will come back. Atm I cannot stop crying. I am so tired. I feel so stupid and lame.
I think what scares me most about how I am feeling is that I do not know how to get better from this, I do not know how to deal with this. When my problems are anxiety based I know where to look for help and I know I have tools (like this wonderful program) to help me. But I am not even sure how I got over depression the first time around so I don't know how to get over it now, if it is the case that it has come back. And this makes me feel so scared. I know it will sound stupid but my biggest fear, my greatest anxiety is that my depression will come back. And now it really feels like it is back and I am scared and sad and confused and lonely.
I haven't dared tell anyone how I am feeling yet cause I just feel like if I say it our loud it will make it happen or something, which I know is totally irrationnal. But I felt safe telling you guys. I am tired and exhausted and sad all the time and I try to save face with the people around me. I feel scared and alone, like my worse fear is happening.
I know the people around me know something is wrong, it is rather obvious since I have not been working or doing anything productive. I just can't seem to let them know how bad I feel. I mean I have trouble admitting it to myself.
Anyway, sorry for the long rant. Expecially since this has more to do with depression then anxiety. Anyway sorry again.
-Diva
