Thanks everyone for your condolensces and sympathies. I just figured if I made it through that without any major breakdowns, I was well on my way to really dealing with this issue.
Guess I was wrong!!! I have no idea what set it off this time. And if it was just a panic "attack" that last seconds, cause we all know they feel like forever I might be able to deal a bit better. But the attack just brings on depression for me.
One minute I'm fine, the next I can't stop crying. And I make myself physically sick. My fear isn't of dying, it's of living with this.
And I'm also one of those ones when everything is going good, I tend to forget I have a panic disorder. So I don't do the work on the site or the exposure therapy. But even though I'm a marshmallow during the day when I can't get out of bed, or make it to the shower or eat anything and keep it down, I am still going to work. I work shift work, and when this happens I just ask for night shifts so I don't have to see anyone.
So I give myself credit for making it to work when I can't seem to do anything else. I just feel when I get into this "funk" I become such a burden on my mother. And after losing my dad, I really don't think she needs this. I just don't know what else to do. I am so scared of everything that I'm afraid to be alone.
I've been through this enough times to know that it always ends and the days do get better. I know I won't die from an attack. I know it won't last forever. I just want someone to create that "magic" pill that makes it all better NOW!!!
