One of the people who works at Green Door [the mental health facility I belong to] came over to visit me today. I asked her if she'd walk with me to get the newspaper, because I wanted to get the weekly Safeway supplement, since it will be time for me to go grocery shopping soon, and I want to see the sales. which is very closeby my house, next door at the highrise. She said sure. Then her cell phone rang. And rang. And rang some more. I was sitting there waiting for her to get off the phone, and of course, here came the anticipatory anxiety. My body was in the house, but my mind was already outside by the circle on the way to the highrise to get the paper, having a panic attack. I tried to fend off the thoughts, but of course that didn't work. Try not thinking about pink elephants. I told you. You're thinking about pink elephants. Anyway, I explained to the visitor that I was feeling nervous, and asked to hold her hand, she said sure. But once we got out there, I froze, and couldn't go any further than a few feet. The rover from Green Door gently tried to nudge me forward, but the more she did, the more I wanted to go back. Being outside just overwhelmed me, I don't know if it was because it's been a while since I've been outside or that I forgot to take my meds the night before. All I know was, my heart started racing, and my hands were trembling, and I felt like I had to escape. The sky looked scary and gloomy for some reason, and I felt like I was going to float away if I didn't anchor myself somewhere. Anyway, my Rover start lecturing me about "giving it another try" when all I could think about was ESCAAAAAAPE!!!!!. I turned around and walked back to the house. The rover then asked me if she could give me a ride to get the paper, and I said yes. Once I got into her car, I wasn't scared anymore. Even holding her hand didn't seem to help. I was afraid she would be insulted by that. It wasn't that her holding my hand wasn't helping, it was just that I had worked myself up before we even left the house and I didn't know how to calm myself down. So, after we got back into the house, she told me that she was going to come over twice a week and go outside with me for walks, and act as my coach. Which is pretty much what my therapist said I needed. I gave her my
