My pleasure reset.

I am glad you found my words helpful ?

Hi Ashley,

Thank you tremendously for your insights and encouregment, also especially for your opennes to talk about yourself too.

Your words that there may be people who may not avoid me but would be happy to be friends, is like a healing for me now.

? ? ?

Thank you so much.

Hi reset,

I am sorry you are feeling worthless and lonely. You seem to be very thoughtful about what you are going through. Let your drive to find answers keep you going. You ask important questions, you can find the answers to all of them with enough work and help from supports (this program, counselling, conversations with loved ones, self help books, mindfulness, etc). Feeling worthless and lonely is incredibly difficult for anyone to deal with. Those feelings are also hallmarks of depression. It is very difficult to think clearly and be socially healthy when depressed. I encourage you to talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. Your doctor may have other suggestions for you. Sometimes medications need to be changed numerous times before you find one that works for you. Also, stay dedicated to working on the program. The program can help you to think in line with what is logical and helpful for you. Sometimes it can be hard to see opportunities and solutions when we are in a depression fog. Take small steps in working on the program and continue to be thoughtful.

I think you are right about the quote. Keep going and you will eventually find the answers and solutions to how you are feeling.

As a side, I know different people are often misunderstood and overlooked. I also know that different people have so much uniqueness and gifts to offer others. I also felt misunderstood for years, but I have learned to appreciate my weirdness. You just have to find the rare gems like you, who will understand and appreciate you. It can be hard out there to meet people we click with, but that does not mean you are deficient. It sounds like you are a very thoughtful and considerate person. You may have to work on relationship and/or social skills (I don't know) but, overall I am confident many people would like to be your friend and would not avoid you. Don't give up on yourself.

I am glad you agree that talking to friends you don't normally talk to might be helpful. When you do get around to reaching out, I would be curious to hear how it goes.

I hope to read more from you soon

Other members,

Please jump in whenever you like. I am sure there are other people out there who have felt like reset before or who might have some more insights into reset`s thoughts. Please join the discussion if you can.

Thank you,

Ashley

Hi Ashley,

Thank you also for your thoughtful questions.

The positive people in my life are not so close geographically, so that they would be on top of my current situation or would have a good understanding of my everyday life, unfortunately.

I do not have much left from family and relatives, who are the positive people in my life, and if anybody is still alive, they are not around. I do not talk with them every day. But you are right, I should ask them still.

I do not know if I am really lonely, or if I just feel lonely. But I feel terribly lonely. I don't know if it is because I can not open up, or because people avoid me indeed.

It is so hard. I have so much negative experiences of being the odd one. And it hurts so much to be so different one, all the time. To be the outsider. To not fit in anywhere. Why do I not fit in? What do I miss out..? Where do I go wrong?

I don't understand this honestly.

The same way as I don't understand how I could lose some weight recently. It just happened. I tried it earlier too and it did not succeed. And I do not know the exact reason, why it succeeded now. I feel so small and so powerless, eventhough I reached that 1 goal of losing weight. Nothing seems to work because I can do anything about it.

Similarly, I do not understand why I feel so so so so so terribly lonely and negative about myself. I know, I had also different feelings, positive ones. But it is a huge black cloud hanging over me just now, since a while. And I do not know how long it will last and when will it clear up for me.

Did I deserve it this way? Does it have a certain reason beyond that I am obviously behaving negatively? I mean, can and will I learn anything out of these terribly black days and hours and months and years? What is my role in this whole relationship-settings? Do I have any specific task or does it not matter anyway, what I am doing and saying?

I just feel so meaningless, avoided, useless, worthless. How can someone feel so bad about themselves?

I am taking antidepressants, and am still feeling this intense worthlessness. Or is this right because of the medication?

There was once a quote on thos website I remember, it sounded similarly like: if you go through hell, keep going.

I hope, I got the meaning? Does it mean, don't get stuck there? Just keep going amd one day you are at a nice place?

I was trying to find a different way of feelings and was trying to tell myself, that nobody would treat me bad without reason. So I must have given a reason for why they are avoiding me.

But it is so hard to find out, what I am doing wrongly.

How can someone find to feelings of self-acceptance, self-appreciation?

What would be the natural thoughts of a mentally healthy person how they would thonk about themselves despite obvious avoidance?

Any thoughts?

Thank you for sharing what you have so far. I also appreciate how you take thoughtful consideration to the question I asked you.

I can see how sometimes it might be hard to challenge negative thinking when people around you are being negative. Are there any positive people in your life, who make you feel good about yourself? If so, what would they say about what your boss is saying about you?

Hope to read more from you soon,

Ashley

Hi Ashley,

thank you your for this good question. I think this is a very helpful question.

And I am asking myself each day since I read your post. But it is not easy.

I will keep asking myself further as this may be a longer list at one point.

I just found one thing so far:

Earlier I did not believe those subtile critics and comments of some teachers who clearly did not want anything good for me.

I made one big mistake now, that I started believing my manager how ‚bad‘ I really am, when I am not. It will take time to get back to normal if possible at all. As this has been (and still is) a brain-wash process over the last 8 years under this manager.

so far my list... will post more when I find out more.. maybe it is also helpful to others.

Hi Reset,

Interesting topic. Having negative thoughts of all types is very common when depressed. Using CBT to challenge these thoughts is one way this program can help with how you have been feeling. I see that Negative Thinking is the nest session you have to complete in the depression course. Perhaps now is a great time to get started? Please let us know any information you find helpful or confusion.

I have some questions for you to think about: When you were feeling independent and strong what were you doing differently in your life? What helped you to feel strong and independent?

Other members: please share your experiences.

Ashley

Hi!

here is another question:

How can you turn loneliness into independency?

I used to be so independent and strong in myself. And I would like to find back to that feeling again.

All I feel today is loneliness and dependency.

Why does one feel dependent and fragile?

Why do I have the impression that nobody around me wants to have my company?

Is this feeling part of depression? is it distorted feeling, or is it real?