It seems that drinking for me is a silent roller coaster. I wake up in the am planning my day, is it a day off or a day of work? If it’s a day of work do I have enough beer at night when I return from my long shift to get a buzz and go to bed? If not how do I plan my day to make it to the beer store, liquor store or now grocery store to ensure my fridge is full enough...ugh:(.
What a horrible cycle I have created for myself. During the summer my drinking has increased and has become more transparent with others as we socialized more and we often were at more events that resulted in more beer drinking. I like the taste of it, I drink it fast and I’m fine until suddenly I’m slurring and I’m not very nice to the ppl around me.
My partner and I live apart which makes it easier for me to drink, but over the summer we have spent more time together and my partner has warned me about my drinking and then fighting with her. Of coarse the next am I wake up actually feeling fine (maybe a slight headache but no memory of the night before and all the awful things I said before we went to bed.
I’m a nice very caring person who isn’t this jerk unless I’m drunk:(
I hide my drinking well which I feel is another problem, I’m in great shape, I exercise daily and go hard core at the gym about 5 times a week. I lie to people when they ask about how much I drink as I feel it’s a big weakness and I don’t want to be judged. I control my drinking when I’m out with certain people so they don’t know about the true struggle I have inside and the burning feeling I have to have another drink and can’t wait to get home to drink more by myself.
I know I need to control it, I see first hand many people who are effected by liver disease and failure yet for some reason it just isn’t enough to knock some sense in me:(
A lot of my close friends don’t do anything but drink together,the problem is I have tried to avoid them in order to avoid them seeing me “yet hammered again” around them.
I have read the tools and I have filled out some of my goals. I have quit drinking in the past but some how I end up in this spot again time and time again. I have made some horrible desisions while drinking and it’s been a big problem in every relationship.
Now reading this the answer seems so simple, just quit, you can’t just have one, but that’s what I want. I want to be able to control it. I have a very strong leadship position and I do it very well and I’m highly respected by my peers and I feel ashamed a failure that I can’t gain control over the beer drinking:(
I have discussed this with my partner and that was a huge step, my partner is very supportive and I have also told my best friend about my struggles.
I would like to stop drinking for awhile, then try to gain control of it again so I can be that social drinker that isn’t the one questioned every time you say no to a drink and questioned about being an alcoholic. I don’t want to say that is what I am:(
So far one day down with no booze, the rest of my life to go....
