I'm the daughter of an alcoholic. She started drinking with me when I was 15, then I involved my little sister who was 11. We both had no guidance growing up. My father abandoned us when I was 13. The early start to drinking lead to binge drinking, black outs, and really poor decisions when I was in my teens and 20s. I'm now 37 and I black out a few times per year. I drink 1-4 beers per night, last night I had 3 glasses of wine. I never have any problems managing my home life or work or anything, so my alcoholism sort of slides by. I have insomnia and drinking makes me feel bad about myself. I worry about my health, weight, and spiritual wellbeing. I feel like this is a disease that no one can see but me and that the only help for me is me, which makes it worse because I self-sabotage. I quit drinking for a long time, then I start up again slowly... and build up to three drinks a night without even realizing it. My husband has 1-2 light beers every night and is unaffected. He has tried to help me be accountable, but I get mad at him when I want to drink again. I see this pattern, I want to fix it all. This is day one of me reaching out for help. I realize I can't do it alone.
